Missing choir

Posted on September 26, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Choir, Choir practice, emotional, Life, Loss, Music, Reflection, Sadness, Sympathy4 Comments

I’m not going to choir practice yet. I just don’t feel up to it. Singing is such an emotional thing. I just know if I go I will want to cry. I can’t face that yet. When I go back I want to be calm and a lot less stressed. Everything is so painful in my mind and in my body. I maybe should not share these feelings, but sometimes it’s better to say something. I don’t have the energy to worry about anyone else at the moment, and that makes me feel guilty.

To anyone else going through loss, I’d like to send my deepest sympathies, I can’t feel the same way as they do, but I do care.

Tight shoulders

Posted on September 26, 2022 Posted in Sketching, UncategorizedTagged Aching, Drawing, Life, Neck, Pain, Relief, Shoulders, Stress, Tired2 Comments

I had an ache in my shoulders this morning and it’s got worse as the day has gone on. One side is always aching, but today the other side is hurting too, and my neck is very sore. I don’t know if I’m ill, or tense, or if it’s caused by anxiety. The drawing was done a few years ago in photoshop.

Farewell summer

Posted on September 25, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Autumn, Colours, Flowers, Garden, Gardening, Hanging basket, Life, Plants, WinterLeave a comment

The flowers and plants will wilt and die over winter. Autumn is still slightly warm and they are clinging on, but I’ve noticed the delicate leaves are yellowing. I will try and get a few photos of the back yard before the hanging baskets die off. I might plant some of the more robust plants into the main garden to give them a bit more shelter to overwinter. I will miss the bright colours that have sparkled in the sunlight this summer. I know things probably will last till November. Early this year we still had a few flowers in January!

Town

Posted on September 25, 2022 Posted in Sketching, UncategorizedTagged #bandofsketchers, Art, Black ink pen, Drawing, Felt pens, Imagination, Life, Sketching, Town, townscapeLeave a comment

Today’s #bandofsketchers prompt was town. Well, as I haven’t been out much I decided to imagine a town scape. It’s on a river and is hilly, so the main buildings are on a high street backing on to the river and the smaller buildings and houses are on the sides of the tree lined hills. Fine line pen with felt pen drawing over the top.

Jumper time

Posted on September 23, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Benefits, Caring, environmental, Heating, Jumper, Life, selfish, ThinkingLeave a comment

Wearing a jumper tonight. But I think I’m lucky, I have the money to buy a jumper. I can afford to put the heating up if I want. I have a roof over my head that hasn’t been damaged by the weather or fire or flooding. I have shops nearby I can go to, and a library I could visit if I want to stay warm. The world is a strange place. I am in a situation that a large percentage of the world would love to be in. But eighty men have more money between them than half the world’s population (about four billion). And now the UK government has given tax cuts to the richest here. In fact if you earn less than £100,000 a year you will be worse off.

Does fairness exist in the world? Yes, but not enough to go round. People are mostly uncaring, or worse still, selfish. So if you can, think of someone worse off than you, and try and help if you can. You could do that by physically or mentally helping, or even voting for monetary or environmental benefits.

I can’t talk

Posted on September 23, 2022September 23, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged coping, Death, Hidden, Home, Life, no energy, Sadness, strategy, Stress, StruggleLeave a comment

There’s people I need to speak to, but as the days go on I get less likely to reach out. Its like I’m encapsulating myself against the whole world. Retreating into myself, hiding away? So nothing else can hurt me. Keeping busy where I have to, but really all I want is to put my head under the covers and escape from the world. Self protection, I hope it’s not selfishness. I don’t know if I will feel better soon. Am I being lazy? No, definitely not. Just torn apart.

Up and down

Posted on September 22, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Death, Learning, Life, Loss, Memory, Sadness, Thinking, turmoil, Understanding?, up and downLeave a comment

At the moment I’m up and down. One minute trying to plan things, the next remembering what has happened. Disbelief is my main emotion. That and loss. I feel like writing things down is helping a bit, so I’m here, blogging and sharing my thoughts. I hope that’s OK for people. I’m gradually working things out, grateful that I have hubby, friends and family there for support. When you lose a relative it’s a shock. I have cried, I will cry again, how long for, I don’t know. Its turmoil and chaos sometimes, then I calm down for a while. X

Lost

Posted on September 22, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Desperate, Fear, grabbed, Hands, imagery, Life, Poem, Poetry, Sadness, Sea, WhirlpoolLeave a comment

I’m swimming in a sea of loss

Dashed against rocks

Spinning in a whirlpool

With weeds tangling my feet.

Around me are grey souls

I don’t recognise them

But they reach out to grab me

Hands come close

Trying to drag me down

Must try and float

Look for the surface light

For the blue sky

For a rescue boat.

Public

Posted on September 22, 2022 Posted in Sketching, UncategorizedTagged #bandofsketchers, analogue drawing, Digital drawing, Life, public, public baths, Sketching, swimming poolLeave a comment

Today’s #bandofsketchers prompt was public. I did two versions of public baths, a sketch and then added a digital filter. Not sure which is best, pretty scrappy. I’m trying to keep going despite recent events.

Meditation

Posted on September 21, 2022 Posted in Sketching, UncategorizedTagged Art, Colours, Contrast, Drawing, Felt pens, Life, Meditation, Metallic, Non metallic, Pattern, Sketching, SpiralsLeave a comment

Taking my mind off things. I drew a series of spirals then filled them in with different colours usin metallic and non metallic felt pens. Using the colours in sector’s around the spirals in contrasting colours. It took me an hour, and gave me some relief to how I’m feeling.

Mallaband-Brown

Tag: Life