Safe place
Staying home
Don’t want to go out
Into the world
This is my cocoon
Wrapped round me
His presence
His garden
My solace
Seeking salvation
My sanctuary.
Home
Tag: Home
Cold day
Reflected in the car window bue sky and grey cloud. The air is chilled and breezy, a little plastic windmill with curled coloured sails spins in the wind. I don’t want to go out, I’m staying in and keeping warm.
Cold air is circulating near my feet, warm air rises, so it can take a while for it to descend and fill the room. Having cats popping in and out, that can’t close the door behind themselves doesn’t help.
It’s fearful to wonder what the bills will be like this winter. Fuel costs have apparently come down, but not for customers. I guess it’s good in one way because it reduces how much power we are using. But that means extra layers of clothes, in my case a tee shirt jumper and a cardigan. But it’s no hardship compared with being homeless in winter. A “Lifestyle choice” according to our Home Secretary, what an uncaring attitude.
Leaving home
Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live?
Leaving home was a big shock. I was miles from home and very nervous. But now all these years later I would go back in an instant.
I met fantastic people, some of whom I have stayed friends with for years. I met my partner, I learned to manage my life and become a grown up. I realised my wish to be an artist, and that has never left me. I started to understand other people’s perspectives on life and how they did, and didn’t, manage.
To be honest, my whole understanding of life and politics changed completely when I left home. I had been protected and had a good life, with enough to eat, a safe place to live, and a caring family. Leaving the nest was hard, but as I moved into a shared flat, the resulting change wasn’t too drastic.
Meeting new people, with different ideas to mine was an eye opener. I don’t think I really appreciated how strange and mad the world was till then. I feel like I didn’t really exist till I moved out of home.
Travelling home was not easy, being away from family was hard. But I made a success of it. I wish I could go back though, just for the enjoyment and knowledge I absorbed. I would not want to be me now, all those years ago. I would want to experience it all fresh and new. But then yes, I’d come back to my current life, renewed.
Art college
Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.
I will always be grateful for my mother’s encouragement for me to go to art college. She had to work to support us all and when I finished school she might have insisted that I work full time.
Instead she let me go to college (though I had a couple of part time jobs). I initially went on a preparatory course, then left home to do my degree.
I was aware that my cousin who was also artistic had to go to work in a factory and forget her dreams. I don’t know what happened to her after I moved away. But in my case I was always welcomed home in the holidays.
I’m glad my mom gave me the freedom to do art. Learning has always been something that I enjoyed, and to do a subject that I love? I will always be eternally grateful to her.
Going home over the years I realised how proud she was of me. She was always encouraging us all to do the best we could.
Car is home!
I have got my car back! Finally after a week of waiting for it I can breathe a sigh of relief. But among all of the hassle I realise how anti public transport I am. I think it’s because I’ve used buses and taxis in the past, and I don’t know the routes or timings for the buses, and often when I’ve ordered a taxi it hasn’t turned up. One time I had to walk home from hospital because there were non available. Also since the pandemic I try to avoid groups of people, so buses worry me.
Having a car is a freedom and a curse. I walk less and don’t cycle anymore because I have one. I don’t know what to do if we have to get rid of it. The car is very old and it’s like an old pair of shoes, if it needs repairing I have to pay out because I can’t afford to replace it with another (second hand) one. But at least by keeping it we are not wasting new resources.
Tidied cupboard
About twelve inches of paperwork removed from this cupboard, my paintbrushes stored in vases, a star mobile lit at the back of the cupboard (it’s on a cable and won’t work anymore when it’s hanging up). Two glasses of coffee liquor over ice. It actually feels quite grown up. I can also get at my orchid plants in the window, one of which I seem to have killed. I have got to finish off by tidying the cupboard next to this. I’d like to have it done by Christmas if I feel OK. Housework? I hate it. But sometimes you have to do it….
I can’t talk
There’s people I need to speak to, but as the days go on I get less likely to reach out. Its like I’m encapsulating myself against the whole world. Retreating into myself, hiding away? So nothing else can hurt me. Keeping busy where I have to, but really all I want is to put my head under the covers and escape from the world. Self protection, I hope it’s not selfishness. I don’t know if I will feel better soon. Am I being lazy? No, definitely not. Just torn apart.
Sundays were always boring…
Sitting around being bored. Shops shut, nowhere to go. Listening to the radio, parents doing the washing in a boiler and a spin drier in the kitchen. Steam coming up and then patterns in the water as the spindryer vibrated the bowl that caught the water. No fridge, just a cold pantry, food was usually bacon and eggs for breakfast and tinned peaches and evaporated milk with sliced bread and butter at teatime. It was always the same. Things did change, life got more interesting, but only when my parents got transport, which was two small motorbikes. Memories are strange, they suddenly appear, then what do you do.
July Cats
A calendar with a kitten, cat hooks for key rings, a bit congested but an interesting photo I think. If you look closer you can see an umbrella leaning there. The calender hangs from a paperclip. Oh the joys of non style! I’m messy, not stylish, I’m not tidy, I’m a pragmatic housekeeper. If it works just leave it! July, it’s a cute month. (apologies for the use of the kitten photo, I don’t know the photographer).
The vets
Today has been busy. My cat came home at 3am, his legs and mouth had some sort of tarry substance on them. He came in and drank water for about ten minutes, then I wiped his eyes and mouth and legs gently to remove some of whatever was on him. I even trimmed some fur off his tail because it was so gummy.
Today I had a good look at him, one of his eyes looked strange and he was still very thirsty so I took him to the vets.
I found out he has an ulcer on one eye and he has damaged his mouth possibly from trying to bite through or on something. He’s lost a lot of weight too. We still don’t know where he’s been. Tonight he’s on a drip at the vets but he should then be able to come home. I hope he will be OK.
Mallaband-Brown 