A better day

I went out in the car today. Only to a post office to send some documents off and get some shopping. The postmaster asked me what was in the envelope that was addressed to “the bereavement team”. When I said a copy of hubbys will and death certificate he was instantly sympathetic.

As a sign we might be living in the matrix, while I had been waiting in the queue I had spotted a box of cuppa soups that I like. After I’d handed over my letter I turned round to pick up the soup… Where was it. I stood for two or three minutes but could no longer see it. A glitch in the matrix? All the other boxes of soup I had spied were also missing. Perhaps I had dreamt it.

Then I went into a shop and got a cornish pasty and a chocolate brownie for tea. I noticed that the woman who served me had a runny nose and touched it with her hand before picking up the brownie. I got home washed my hands, microwaved the pasty, washed my hands, microwaved the brownie, washed my hands. I think I might have been overcautious but I’d rather be safe than sorry.

Councelling

What positive events have taken place in your life over the past year?

Those who read this blog will know that for more than a year I’ve been facing problems. Not as severe as in other parts of the world, but personal ones.

I was lucky to get some counselling and then earlier this year cognitive behavioural therapy. I would encourage anyone who is struggling to go for either of them. I can’t explain, but I feel more in control of the situation than I think I would have done without them. Talking therapy does work.

Now I’m going through more problems, and looking back, well I can see some clues of how I can cope. It won’t be easy.

Sympathy cards appear through the door. I am thankful for them too. I wish people would knock on the door though, so I can say thank you. I think people are afraid of hurting me. I would say when you are in grief every hug counts.

Gun control

I’m sad to hear of yet another mass shooting in America. I won’t say where, because every few weeks or days there are new reports of them. To pin it down to one murderous incident would emphasise it and possibly diminish previous ones.

Clearly thoughts and prayers doesn’t help. Each time something happens these trite words are uttered. As if a sticking plaster could stop a flooding river.

Guns, particularly assault rifles, are weapons of war. They destroy blood, flesh and bone. Bodies are ripped apart or badly injured. They are meant to stop an enemy, not kill a father, mother or child. Innocent people die, are buried or cremated, and often forgotten in the wake of the next mass shooting.

In the UK we have gun laws, there are very few shootings, so much so it makes the headlines for days if a shooting happens. Yes we have them, and stabbings, but you don’t get mass stabbings here either.

In March 1996, in Dunblane in Scotland, there was a mass shooting of children at a primary school there. Following the shooting the Cullen Report looked into gun ownership. Parliament bought in gun control and most guns were taken out of circulation. There have been no mass shootings since then. That’s 27 years. Yes there have been shootings with shotguns and rifles, but not like the madness in the USA.

The American constitution talks about an armed militia, the right to bare arms. Use that to change the law there. Make the guns the population can use muzzle loading flintlocks, the same as we’re used when the constitution was written.

Thoughts and prayers for sensible gun control!

I don’t go out much

How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?

I still wear a mask when I go in shops, especially supermarkets. I rarely go out except to try and walk a bit to keep myself fit. Sometimes the world seems like an alien place and I feel like I have walled off the world. I have stopped visiting many friends and don’t like going in pubs or places where there are a lot of people. I still have covid testing kits and I try and remember to test once a week, mainly when I go out to choir practice. I have not had covid19 (yet) and I do hope to continue to avoid it, but I think people are forgetting about it, and really it’s not surprising because it isn’t in the news headlines any more. But millions died and millions more have been disabled by it. I’m not going to put my life at risk if I can help it. Stay safe x

Putin attacks again.

Yet again Putins army has attacked Ukraine. This morning eighty missiles rained down on about ten districts of Ukraine. Hey were mainly in the east of the country but smoke was seen in Kyiv and Oddessa. The attack killed civilians and damaged places like a nuclear power plant at Zaphoriza (not sure of the spelling). The fact Putin thinks this is OK is terrible. It was not that long ago the Chernobyl nuclear power plant, also in the Ukraine? was destroyed in an accident. Radiation spread across the whole of Europe. But Putin doesn’t seem to care. However many civilians, including women and children that he kills and maims he does not want to stop, till he destroys Ukraine.

Warmth

Warmth is essential to life, not excessive heat, but enough so you are able to be comfortable without shivering or having to wear outside clothes indoors. When I see the state that people in Turkey and Syria and also Ukraine are having to live in, it makes me so thankful for my circumstances. Earthquakes and Wars don’t spare anyone. Freezing winter temperatures are lethal if you don’t have shelter and warmth.

If you are aware of any charities that are collecting for these tragedies please consider donating to them. Compassion is so important.

My sister, Farewell

It’s social media so I’m not sharing her whole face or naming her. But she had a good Farewell yesterday, kind words and thoughts. We seperated in late teenage hood as I left home to go to college. We went in different directions, I think she had a more romantic view of life and she had an almost fairy tale history (married with two children). I won’t talk much about her world, I don’t want to share too much personal information. We were seperated by many miles, but the bond was still there. I wish we had been closer and visited more. Bereavement is full of regret. I do regret, but I don’t feel guilty.

Twins again

Twins on the TV, twins in conversations, twins on the Internet. It’s like the universe knows what’s going on, and bereavement too, so sad that there are so many loses. Each one gouges another piece from my heart. The smoke alarm went off a couple of mornings ago. I want cooking and there are no sockets or electrical equipment near to it. The only thing I could think of was to check the Internet. False alarms are caused by high humidity or maybe a small spider sneaking inside the alarm! Or my mind telling me my sister is haunting me? I’d rather see her in a dream, to properly say goodbye. I’m sad, but I have to accept what has happened.