I’m a follower

Do you see yourself as a leader?

You’ll find me at the back of a crowd. My legs are little and I can’t keep up with big people’s strides. I’ve never been a leader, I think my imposter syndrome stops me thinking I could be! I’ve never been massively confident and I always question my abilities, plus to be a leader you have to have charisma and I not sure I do.

A leader seems to have overwhelming faith in themselves and I don’t know if I could do that, it almost feels like leaders fool themselves into it. Or are bought up to be important and think they are the best.

I guess my view is quite negative, but considering how politicians act and deceive to get power then it must be understandable. Clearly there are other types of leader, religious, royal, a head of a company for instance, I’m sure there is good amongst them, but there also appears to be a ruthless streak. Maybe it’s from childhood sibling rivalry, or being an only child.

Finally would I like to be a leader? Maybe I could do it, I’ve chaired meetings in the past, but honestly? I’m old enough not to relish it.

Golden calf

Old photo of the golden calf which is next to the Chinese garden and temple at Biddulph Grange garden a National Trust property. Near to it is a huge and grotesque stone frog. I guess the place is so eccentric that it’s worth several visits just to take it all in. There are garden rooms and buildings that are so spectacular. It’s hard to think the Grange was once a hospital for TB patients.

I must visit again before the end of the summer.

No sleep

Nothing helped last night, counting backwards, trying breathing techniques, listening to the radio on very quietly. I couldn’t get comfortable, the bed cover was wrinkled, I kept getting cramp.

I’m surrounded by three cats, one on an armchair, one on the settee, which was getting in the way of my legs, one on the cat tree. I just realised they are being supportive. I know it sounds strange, but they have become much more attentive since my injury.

I’m going to make a warm decaff coffee and try and sleep…

And yet I’m just listening to the awful news about the flooding in Libya and the Earthquake in Morocco. My problem is nothing compared with that. The world is a cruel place.

Experimenting

What’s your favorite word?

I love experimenting, the word and the action. I’m interested in science and often watch the Royal Institution Christmas lectures where different sciences, from biology, to engineering, forensic science to astronomy. These are described during each series of lectures. Part of the explanation is done through experiments completed with the help of audience members.

I also love experimenting in art, to the extent that I call myself an experimental fine artist. I enjoy working on an image until I get to an outcome that speaks to me. I don’t think I overwork things, and I do know when to stop, but sometimes I go back and tweak things, change things. I might end up with several images that all mean something to me, then I have to decide which I prefer. My use of digital apps has extended my experimental experiences.

Art experiments

Progression from original digital drawing to filtered /distorted images. Using Artrage and then photodirector and Instagram filters. I do love to experiment with digital art. I like pushing the envelope as they say…

I could have used more colour but I tried a black and white filter after I drew the original and used a filter on Instagram that allows you to tilt and twist images.

Poor pears

Some years the pears set, the tree is well watered and we get many pears off our tree. But it’s looking sad as the wind blew it over at an angle a few years ago. We had to support it on blocks of wood.

As the branches are horizontal that usually encourages fruiting. But both the pear and cherry trees flowered but we’re caught by late frosts and then strong winds that blew the blossom off. The cherry only managed half it’s crop and now the pear is even worse. A few pears had a fungal infection and had to be thrown away, you can’t compost them as it encourages the fungus to spread. So we only have a few pears to show this year. Here are three. The little one is going squishy so it’s getting thrown out.

Pears are funny, they stay unripe for ages. Then seem to ripen overnight. We will just eat these, as there is not enough for a chutney.

Getting outside

Out painting with a friend

It’s been a month since I went out painting on a windy day, came back and caught my leg in a car door. On Saturday there is an urban sketching meet and I might go. What concerns me is that I will need a table or at least a chair. But on the same day there is a choir performance I’d like to attend. It will be possibly a safer bet as its downstairs and there will be chairs and no steps to negotiate….. It feels scary and good to contemplate getting out and about again. It’s good that two activities I love, art and singing, are both happening on the same day, but I am anxious!

Medicating the cat

What are you doing this evening?

Waiting to give my cat his medicine… My cat has had an abscess, probably swiped by another cat. He’s got antibiotic tablets, but he won’t take them crushed up with food. They are big and I have to quarter them then crush each bit up and give them to him twice a day.

I need my hubbys help. We wrap him up in a towel then I’ve dissolved the tablet in a bit of water and I’ve got a small pet syringe, so we have to use that to squirt the medication in his mouth. The trouble is I have to wear gloves as I’m allergic to the medicine. So it’s a bit of a fight. I’ve got a bite to my finger, but I can’t blame the cat for being scared.

We managed to give him his tablet this morning and now this evening, He’s not impressed, only another six days to go! He’s getting a nice treat afterwards. That seems to help a bit. He needs to take the full course.