I don’t have one

What food would you say is your specialty?

Cornucopia

I had cooking lessons at school, the classes were called domestic science. I learnt to make all sorts of things in those lessons. They stood me in good stead. I learnt mainly baking, from rock cakes to Victoria sponges. But also things like Danish open sandwiches.

Then as a student I learnt to throw a meal together from scraps and at a low cost. Beans of many varieties were used together with lots of garlic and herbs and tomatoes. With some oil of course.

Later I learnt to cook a good approximation of things like chicken Kiev and other staples such as spaghetti bolognase. They probably looked messy, I was renowned for using chunky vegetables instead of chopping them finely.

So give me a few ingredients and I can try and rustle something up. The important thing is I can afford to eat, many people can’t, or are in situations where they cannot get food at all. I don’t know how I ended up being so lucky, I hope it lasts.

Being able to learn

What are you most proud of in your life?

I’m proud of having knowledge

I’m proud I can find out

Learning is a thing I love

More than any wealth

Sure that knowledge shared

And study pursued

Is most important.

You may not have gold or power

But try and improve your mind

And after time you will find

The beauty of a thought.

Lazy days?

Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?

I don’t so much have lazy days, more procrastinating ones. So in that case they are unproductive. I’m bound with the strings of fear and anxiety, hard to move. I look on and think about what I could do, but I am blocked somehow. I think I have artistic block?

Lazyness would be nice, to just sit and relax, to stop churning thoughts. Your breath settles, you snuggle in your duvet. No thoughts of ‘I must do’ this that and the other.

I love thinking, I do it a lot, my mind is rarely quiet, but I have learnt to think the word ‘the’ over and over, it breaks the train of thought so you can’t fixate on something that’s distracting you. Not lazy, but it assists me getting to sleep. X

Gap

The gap is, there like a broken tooth. Whoever got in the garden broke down the old fence and broke down branches. I’m fed up because a builder cut our hedge severely last year so he could get a digger down our alleyway. Then the local shop said they were going to put a gate across the alley for security but it hasn’t happened yet. I’m trying to get a builder in to put in some fencing, but he hasn’t responded…. Oh well. We hope our efforts work. But we won’t be storing things in the garden again.

Pain

Pain attacks from different directions

Trundles like an army on alternative fronts

I need to relax

Let my body un-tense

Then the pain flows away

Fear and stress exacerbate

Anxiety cramps me up

But starting to understand

I can calm my impulses

Like a frozen bag of peas

Soothes the army of pain

Descalating aches

Deflating anguish.

Many things

What have you been putting off doing? Why?

When you go through bad times anxiety and nerves can hold you back. These emotions can make you hold your tongue, stop you going out, make you forget to write to, or email, or phone people. You put off till tomorrow and forget to do today… Eventually everything piles up and you don’t do anything, or just the bare minimum.

But I’m learning through counselling to do easy tasks first, then as they get easier and less onerous you can move on to medium difficulty tasks, and finally difficult ones. But if you have a set back, don’t give up. Start again with things you can cope with and gradually move on. Self repair, self acceptance. Be kind to yourself.

Last week I found myself laughing, I hope I can start doing more of the things I have been putting off. Hopefully…. Unless I get too stressed.

A lot of people

If you had a million dollars to give away, who would you give it to?

I’ve actually thought this through. I would give some to family and friends, it turns out you can gift someone £3000 without having to pay tax. But I would give more than that and gladly pay it. Then I would think of acquaintances to help. I would try and share a reasonable amount. Having done that I would buy a small house and garden, a bit bigger than mine now, but not huge. Enough to neatly fit paintings and books with a warm studio with plenty of light to paint and draw in. A natural garden with pond. It would not be too far away from family and friends. Obviously the cats come along too.

I would have to ensure I could pay all my bills each year.

Finally I would try and donate to charity… I would have to support local as well as national charities.

Still doing gratitudes.

After a break because I was injured and fed up I decided to start a new gratitude book. I wrote down what had happened so that I will remember how I was feeling. But I didn’t want to start right from the beginning. So today I’m actually on day 420.

Three gratitudes a day helps balance the bad things that are going on as well. I like adding a small sketch to each gratitude to make it more real to me and helps me remember what went on during the day. I’m glad this idea was suggested to me. It really helps x

Two appointments

Sitting waiting for two housecalls. I booked them in my diary last week and got up to tidy up, did the washing up and put a load in the washing machine.

Now I’m sitting and waiting. I’ve tried to find the email address and phone numbers for the visitors but they are on a bit of paper ‘somewhere’ and I’ve tidied it away ‘somewhere’. To find it I think I’m going to have to go through all the papers I piled up in a big pile to get them out of the way.

When you make an appointment it would be good to let the person know if you are going to be delayed as a courtesy. I know I’m old fashioned. But I wish I knew what was going on!