Things are getting blurry
I don’t see so well
Swiftly fading views
Another frustrating change.
Take my glasses off to clean
But polishing doesn’t work
I realised it’s not the lenses
In my specs
It’s the ones in my eyes!
Cataracts
Tag: Thinking
Distracted
Things have got in the way and I have hit a block with my painting of a teapot. I mean both physically and mentally.
You can see some of what is obstructing it. I need to move things, it’s just that I am mentally stuck. I think its the low light levels as this seems to get me every year. One day soon I hope have this finished.
It might snow
Amber warning of snow and possible snow up to 10 centimetres. Also temperatures down to – 10°C. It makes me worry about people sleeping out on the streets. I see them more and more. I buy the big issue off sellers and try and give a few coins, but it’s not much. When you think about it people are struggling with increasing rents and mortgages, people are barely coping. I can only hope that this government try to do more than the last one? But I worry that the poor are often seen as deserving or undeserving when rich people are always fine. Oh I don’t know, I just want us all to be safe. X
Quiet 1.1.25
The front door remained closed
The curtains the same.
No reason to go out,
No wish to speak
Warm enough to sleep
Quiet enough to rest
My heart misses a beat
When a figure passes the door.
Watching TV a while
Reading a book to make me smile
Why bother to move
Just have a coffee, a sandwich
And snooze.
Contemplation or hiding?
You choose.
Political views
How have your political views changed over time?
When I was young I voted one way, the same as the rest of my family. I was very young and influenced by their long term beliefs.
When I left home I moved into shared accommodation, I realised I had been living in a bubble at home, I hadn’t had the responsibility of paying bills before, or other things to deal with, like not having hot water and having to shower at the college. I met different people and they had different political views. Over the years I changed my priorities and my political allegencies.
All I would say is that it’s good to think for yourself, look at how life is and make a decision that is good for you, and the people around you.
Lightshade
Yes it’s a lampshade. Made up mainly fake bivalve shells. Yet another odd old thing my house is decorated with. I often wonder what will happen to my stuff when I’m gone? Do I specify that all my art (lots of paintings) will be shared out to family, donated to a local museum, my old school? Maybe someone will like it enough to buy it if it were sold in an auction? Is it persuasive enough for people to like? I won’t be there to find out.
Up to 100% effective?
I chuckle when I see this on adverts, ‘up to’ means that the percentage efficiency could be anything from 0% to 100%! But we are fooled by the top percentage. It’s the same sort of trick where a price is £9.99 instead of £10.00, the brain is tricked into thinking it’s a more than the 1 pence you actually save!
So think before you buy and be aware of tricky marketing, please!
Sometimes
Are you a good judge of character?
What’s on the inside isn’t the same as the outside. You might think one thing about a person based on their physical appearance only to find they are completely different to what you expect.
I’d say mostly that I’m a good judge of character. I’ve met many people over my career and my home life, and mostly it’s been OK. But not always, on a couple of occasions I had to give up on friends who tried to split me and my hubby up, I found out one was saying things about me to needle my hubby into leaving me. I realised that the language he was using was in her way of speaking. It was her attitudes that he was spouting. When we talked it through he thankfully understood that. The second situation was a woman that tried to have an affair with him. She was always calling round when I was out. He told me what she was up to, and we ended the friendship.
Other people have fooled me at work, but you cotton on eventually. It can cause heartache when you mistakenly trust people. But you have to live and learn.
Isolated
When Covid happened I got used to living in my bubble with my hubby and my cats. I never really came out of that isolation. We were both travelling less and as we both started to suffer with various ailments we often didn’t feel like visiting people or travelling far. I saw friends, but not very often.
Then when I lost my hubby last December, and I had various health issues I virtually stopped going anywhere except to the shops, appointments or the choirs I am in. My one day away this year was a coach trip with a group I am in to the Welsh coast to visit a relative. I was there for 5 or 6 hours then caught the coach home. I’ve found I cannot drive there on my own. I was too used to having my hubby with me as a passenger and I didn’t realise how much I relied on him as a support (and I was supporting him). Nerves and anxiety and illness seem to stop me.
Now I don’t like to bother people, so I try not to ask for help. I stay inside as much as I can, curtains closed, door locked, just occasionally going to the shops when I have run out of most things. I find big supermarkets overwhelming and go round them in the evenings when they are quiet. I know I need to break out, I’m to comfortable with the isolation, but I’m sure it’s not good for me. Plus I miss appointments because of anxiety. I need to pull myself together.. But my curtains remain closed!
Difficult to say…
Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?
A year ago I didn’t think I would go through so much, grief, hospital appointments, memories, loneliness.
Stepping through that year, from there to here, then to now, I had hoped that I would be starting to have better times by now, but the administration of suffering is hard to maintain. One thing after another, a bill here, a repair there, treatments, investigations, infections, tremors, everything. I must have cost the nhs thousands. It’s hard to keep up and also chase things up.
I’m not really where I wanted to be now but hopefully will be in 2025.
Mallaband-Brown 