New paintings and regular art updates.
Tribute to my lost sister, as a young woman. I promised it but it’s taken months to finish. Perhaps I can finally move on? It sat half done, staring at me. But I feel she is at rest. Art has always been my freedom. I can work through my feelings when I do it. Life has to go on, even though its sometimes really tough.
So much can change when you paint! The initial acrylic sketch, then as I painted I realised the eye on the right was too far over, the nose too long, the mouth too big. Having the paint out the eye and restart was hard. I then realised her pupils were not lined up. I’ve refined the nose and tried to improve the shading. I’ve got to sort out the body and arms (her knee was up and in the way), I want to paint nice neat draping cloth instead of jeans maybe add a floral pattern to her top. Her hair is a 70’s perm, but I will work on that. Need a rest now. Three hours work… Thankfully someone reset my phone so it stays on longer, the screen was fading every minute!
I found this on my phone and once again remembered. Those thoughts came back again, sadness, guilt, loss. To lose a sister, it’s not right. When it’s a twin it might be worse. I don’t know. But as our birthday approaches, will I be OK? I somehow feel this should be both of us. I want to get to my next birthday, but the idea seems wrong. I will keep going but I’m not sure I will be happy on that day. And it’s not just me, it’s the rest of the family. I guess we will wait and see…. Sorry to post this but I couldn’t get the idea out of my mind.
Sleep, memory, chases my mind.
I remember we were twins
When you were still here
Now your shape is gone
A space left in my landscape
So before I weep again
Bring me more dreams of you
Here beside me
Her next to me
Sister, twin.
Six months since I lost you
Six months of sorrow
I don’t remember every day
But milestones on the way
Remind me of a voice lost
A physical presence gone.
When I feel down the loss is greater
I dispare that your life is over.
I still pray for you at night
And I wish with all my might
That you were still here
Even if you were not near
Sister, twin, friend
My love to you
I send.
A rescue from my sisters house. A pink cyclamen plant in flower. It fits in with the Christmas cactii, a similar shade of pink. I can’t find another place for it because there are radiators under the windows so they are only really good for germinating seedlings.
I would have bought all her other plants home with me to look after, it’s sad to think they are all sitting there in her house, in the cold. It’s sad I won’t speak to her on Christmas day, I won’t be able to share my thoughts, ask how things are going. Be interested in her family. Still, I will look at the Cyclamen and remember.
When we went up to my sisters house last week I looked for the painting I had done her for her birthday. She passed away a few weeks ago and I would like to retrieve this and a painting of a lobster I also did for her. Unfortunately the house is full of things, she was like me, a collector of all sorts of things, and I have no idea where she has put them. I feel like I should ask her family for them back unless they want them themselves. So much to sort out. So sad to not have her in my life anymore.
A blanket by my sister. She was crocheting lots of blankets and granny squares. One of the things she had was many balls of wool. I think they will have to go to a new home. It’s good to see she was creative in a different way to me, but she must have put many hours of work into this. I will truly miss her.
It’s social media so I’m not sharing her whole face or naming her. But she had a good Farewell yesterday, kind words and thoughts. We seperated in late teenage hood as I left home to go to college. We went in different directions, I think she had a more romantic view of life and she had an almost fairy tale history (married with two children). I won’t talk much about her world, I don’t want to share too much personal information. We were seperated by many miles, but the bond was still there. I wish we had been closer and visited more. Bereavement is full of regret. I do regret, but I don’t feel guilty.
A long day, a funeral, a wake. Gentle celebration of a lost life. No awful grief, just a summing up of someone that touched many hearts. I am proud of her. I was moved and surprised by her life.
Seeing myself on the photos in tribute to her was a shock, I hadn’t been told they would be there. That touched me deeply. To know that half of me has now been seperated. I touched the coffin and said goodbye. A long day, a painful day, but a joyful day.
Leaves fall from the trees, they gradually break down and disintegrate, but their molecules are still there, they add to more life and energy, they are still part of the universe. They exist, existed, they have not exited this realm. A lot to think about. My gratitude continues as I remember sharing my life with her, my sister, my twin.
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