Tag: Prevarication

Many things

Posted on Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , , 9 Comments

What have you been putting off doing? Why?

When you go through bad times anxiety and nerves can hold you back. These emotions can make you hold your tongue, stop you going out, make you forget to write to, or email, or phone people. You put off till tomorrow and forget to do today… Eventually everything piles up and you don’t do anything, or just the bare minimum.

But I’m learning through counselling to do easy tasks first, then as they get easier and less onerous you can move on to medium difficulty tasks, and finally difficult ones. But if you have a set back, don’t give up. Start again with things you can cope with and gradually move on. Self repair, self acceptance. Be kind to yourself.

Last week I found myself laughing, I hope I can start doing more of the things I have been putting off. Hopefully…. Unless I get too stressed.

Painting

Posted on Posted in Fine Art, Memories, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , , , , 13 Comments

Describe your ideal week.

I would spend time at my studio at Spode, painting, or drawing. My plan is to try and go back to it. I spent a few years there, then covid happened and I lost my nerve a bit. I started to go back, but health issues cropped up. If I don’t return soon I never will, but I’ve built a wall round things in my mind. If I can’t do things properly I seem to freeze up.

My ideal week will be less stressful, full of real art, not just quick digital drawings. I would then build on it, even if I was only in my studio a couple of days a week. I would try and produce more small paintings for craft fairs, but it’s about time I started doing some ‘proper’ paintings real fine art, not craft based. I just need to get my confidence back. I have good intentions but I keep prevaricating. Maybe I can have that ideal week. It needs to be soon….

Putting up walls

Posted on Posted in UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , 4 Comments

It dawned on me this morning, the walls around me have grown… I’ve felt hemmed in by the pandemic, and tied down by ropes attached to concrete blocks. Not physically but mentally, emotionally, sadly.

Why? It stems from fear of what might happen. There is a word ‘catastrophise’ that I’ve heard recently. Maybe that’s what I’m doing. Plus hubbys situation bothers me, I feel very protective. Then again, as I age, bits of me don’t work properly. I tried to do something about it, but the authorities don’t seem to understand. It’s made me despondent to some extent. My prevarication is getting to me.

Sorry to lay all of this at your doors, I think by speaking out it allows me to order my thoughts. Those walls need to come down, and I need to let some light in, I need to be less of a scardey cat… But it’s not easy..

What am I doing today?

Posted on Posted in UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Today I feel like I’m drifting..

Things to do?

Yes, but I’m thinking

Ignoring the world

I’m just sitting

Down and just

Contemplating

Mulling over what to do

But I’m only prevaricating…

Have I got a clue

About future creating?

I don’t know what to do…

And I keep cogitating..

I have a thesaurus for a brain

My brain needs retraining!

I need to go back…

Posted on Posted in Fine Art, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

My studio, I’m still nervous because of the delta variant of covid to go back into it. I need to paint but I’ve got that feeling that I’m on a knife edge, I don’t know what to do? It’s strange, I’m spending the money but for almost two years now I have felt very worried. Maybe I need some talking therapy, everything is getting too much….

Getting things done…

Posted on Posted in UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

At last!

For a few months I’ve been putting things off. I used to sort things out regularly and efficiently in my old job, but when I left things changed.

I was always at the beck and call of people, sorting out their problems. My mind would work through possibilities and come up with solutions.

When I finished work I tried to get elected as a Councillor. I still wanted to help people and saw it as a way of using my skills. But the electors chose someone else. My political party had lost support. Then I regrouped and started a college course.

But as the months have gone on I have felt more and more overwhelmed. Putting things off to the end of semesters. Leaving the paperwork sitting on my desk. Why? Prevarication…. I wasn’t trusting myself to get things right. A couple of things had gone wrong and I was scared to try again. Would I succeed? Could I cope? Health issues for both me and hubby have increased my stress levels..

Anyway, today I did half the things on my list (about four of them) I’ve got more to do but I feel better about it.

Fingers crossed I can do more tomorrow.

Prevaricating

Posted on Posted in UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

At the moment I’m stuck with my college work. I have ideas, I seem to know what I want to do. But I have a fear of failing. The heat doesn’t help. I’m ending up doing things at 3am, but it’s not enough. Words circle in my mind, like vultures, ready to sink down on the ruin of my ideas. Prevarication prevents failure. I don’t feel I can do a good enough job.

I must start. By writing this down I’m trying to give me a kick start to things. I need to order a couple of books, but I’ve even held back from doing that. I know I can do the course, but I’m disappointed that I didn’t get higher marks. I have passed each semester though. Why would this one be different? Easier to think than write…

Stuck

Posted on Posted in UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , 2 Comments

Do you ever just get stuck in your thoughts. Lost and not quite sure what to do or where to go. Marathon prevarication. Held back by thinking too much. And heat doesn’t help. You wait in hope that it might cool down. Your mind isn’t working, it’s fused in place, clunking, square thoughts jammed in a round hole. You just want to break out of it. Find a way through. Maybe in a while I will feel more like myself.

college work

Posted on Posted in UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

19071-v1

So much to do. My own fault really. I’m doing a college course but its been a while and I am acting like I did when I did my previous course. In other words prevaricating and not doing stuff in a timely way. But I know it so I’m trying to catch up. I still have a couple of weeks to put everything together, But you know when you are nervous. Its easier to come and type here than get on with things. Trouble is I am paying for this, so I’m letting myself down if I don’t get on with it. There you are- I’ve admitted it….

I tried making lists, sticking up post it notes, setting free time to do the work (I have plenty of that) my mind rebels! I look at the book of face, ring people, go for walks, garden….sound familiar? Do I really want to do this? Yes! I must get on with it..

Bye for now!

Necklace

Posted on Posted in UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , , , , 8 Comments

I thought I would post an old picture of one of my necklaces from my Facebook memories. I made the glass cabochon at a glass workshop with someone called Angela Ashton. She has moved away and I would like to find somewhere else to do this. The wire weaving is by my friend, I need to chase her to try and get some pieces back off her, but I’ve been preoccupied and keep forgetting to contact her. I don’t think it’s anything to do with my age, but when you are busy with other responsibilities it’s hard to keep on track.

Sometimes I just wish for freedom to be myself, and sometimes I feel I’m using it as an excuse not to do things.

Maybe I can pull things back together soon. I need to escape my cocoon and be a butterfly.

X