At the moment I’m stuck with my college work. I have ideas, I seem to know what I want to do. But I have a fear of failing. The heat doesn’t help. I’m ending up doing things at 3am, but it’s not enough. Words circle in my mind, like vultures, ready to sink down on the ruin of my ideas. Prevarication prevents failure. I don’t feel I can do a good enough job.
I must start. By writing this down I’m trying to give me a kick start to things. I need to order a couple of books, but I’ve even held back from doing that. I know I can do the course, but I’m disappointed that I didn’t get higher marks. I have passed each semester though. Why would this one be different? Easier to think than write…
My mind is on my college course. We are at the end of another semester and I have to hand my work in today. Learning to write academically is hard. Referencing quotes, using citations. I guess someone who does it all the time will find it easy. It’s all part of the learning process. Anyway I should be a bit more ‘present’ over the next few weeks. Hope I don’t bore you.
I’ve been working on my portfolio for college today. I’ve got to upload it soon to show what I’ve been doing. I was halfway through when I found out I should be uploading images at 72dots per inch (dpi?) and I’ve set it at 300. I think I will have to delete all the images and save them all to the lower size limit…. So annoying because it was looking good. But at least I’ve found out in time. I need to go back and read the course instructions.
I think I’ve taken on too much sometimes. Not because I can’t do it but because I’ve got so many other things going on. I like writing here because it acts like a diary and also let’s me get ideas down that aren’t part of the course. Plus with limited contact with people it’s giving me some freedom.
So much to do. My own fault really. I’m doing a college course but its been a while and I am acting like I did when I did my previous course. In other words prevaricating and not doing stuff in a timely way. But I know it so I’m trying to catch up. I still have a couple of weeks to put everything together, But you know when you are nervous. Its easier to come and type here than get on with things. Trouble is I am paying for this, so I’m letting myself down if I don’t get on with it. There you are- I’ve admitted it….
I tried making lists, sticking up post it notes, setting free time to do the work (I have plenty of that) my mind rebels! I look at the book of face, ring people, go for walks, garden….sound familiar? Do I really want to do this? Yes! I must get on with it..
Its been three years since Iv’e used my PC. I am very rusty at this, even trying to type on a keyboard again feels very anachronistic, and its a big lumpy keyboard. My mouse? An old wacom tablet I used to draw on and as a mouse. So I’m struggling. I’m surprised a little paperclip hasn’t popped up to tell me I’m doing things wrong, and I had got used to my keypad auto-correcting, so there’s lots of underscored red warnings about my lack of ‘s in words like wasn’t for was not…..grr.
So why the haste to go back to the PC?
I’m trying to set up to do an online course which will need communication via a website that is more complicated than my phone. after spending the day trying to sort out spaghetti cables , leads that run to nowhere, and a monitor that doesn’t want to play I’m going to give it a rest for a while .