You can tell I was busy on my essay over the last few days, there’s a big hole in my walking and heart rate records. I’m trying to do over 5000 steps a day and get my heart points to twenty… Well I didn’t manage it on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, but I did today. Partly on a short walk round Westport lake and also around a car park a few times while I was waiting for a friend… Phew, glad to be walking again!
Well I’ve done it. Sent in this semesters work. I read around the subject a lot, but I don’t know if my essay shows enough understanding? Semiotics is my downfall! Signs, signifiers, interpretants. It’s a whole new language like mathematics, and it isn’t sinking in. I have tried, I’m surrounded by heavy books, I skim read some of the pages, but the thoughts don’t flow well. I think a face to face lecture would be better than digital dialogue. My heads mashed!
I’m writing an essay about illustration but I keep going off at a tangent. I have to talk about how signs and signifiers, icons and symbols affect the images. But I’m very interested in the causes of homelessness and that keeps creeping into the essay. I even quoted a poem by a poet called Seamus Fox, called ‘No Homeless here’. I had to take it out. I’ve also trawled through numerous books to try and explain semiotics and I’m really struggling. What do I do? I just keep pushing and trying. Sometimes digressing… Hard work.
I’m striving to finish my college essay. I’m two thirds of the way through and fighting with the ideas of semiotics, signs and signifies, interpretants, other words that fly over my head! I’m trying to tie it all together into a coherent whole. My brain hurts but I have till Thursday to finish it. So if I’m not around… Well you will know why!
At the moment I’m stuck with my college work. I have ideas, I seem to know what I want to do. But I have a fear of failing. The heat doesn’t help. I’m ending up doing things at 3am, but it’s not enough. Words circle in my mind, like vultures, ready to sink down on the ruin of my ideas. Prevarication prevents failure. I don’t feel I can do a good enough job.
I must start. By writing this down I’m trying to give me a kick start to things. I need to order a couple of books, but I’ve even held back from doing that. I know I can do the course, but I’m disappointed that I didn’t get higher marks. I have passed each semester though. Why would this one be different? Easier to think than write…