New paintings and regular art updates.
Flashing like a beacon, connected in all different directions, emotions bursting out into the world. Thoughts spiralling. Pain, anxiety, calm, hope, dreams, fear, sadness all mingles. If I can find a thread to pull me through all of the entangled ideas. The tears keep falling.
Today I reached out and so many people reached back to me. I feel overwhelmed with their support. I need to hope things will improve. I think the friends I have made that hope more real.
Who remembers these? I loved mine and by twirling both buttons together I found I could draw curves! I used to draw mazes. I remember turning it over and the shake of the silver dust as it covered the trace of your sketch. Also the twanging of what might have been elastic bands moving a stylus? Against the screen. It was just a tiny dot. A bit like a computer cursor! I’d love to get one again!
When I was a little child I used to look out of the window at the rain falling in our back yard. We had blue brick paving that became shiny as it got wet. As puddles began to fall the raindrops would splash up in circles. I decided that they were tiny fairies dancing in the rain.
When things happen in life you remember things that you haven’t for years. I’m glad to retrieve this memory.
What do sad words mean?
Do they explain
Do they confer
Anything?
How do I say
What I feel?
Words are not easy
They don’t encapsulate
They don’t wrap you
In their arms.
They are just noise
Between people
When what I need
Is a hug?
Memory of a picnic on the beach this summer. The tide was out. There was soft sand to sit on. We had a simple meal of salad and melon for dessert. What makes it memorable was that it was a beach we visited a few years before and I didn’t think we would be able to go back. It didn’t matter that it was overcast, or that the beach was quite crowded, it made me feel happy. That’s why it’s good to go back to this memory. Nothing bad happened and it was really enjoyable. I need good memories.
Once I was two
Now I am one
I don’t know where
The other has gone
I am alone
I am so lost
My heart is stone
Turned into frost
I will go on
Into the world
Until one day
I will be gone.
WordPress keeps telling me my phone is full. I know! I keep trying to delete photos but it’s almost impossible. There are thousands of them. There’s lots of other things, I am not sure of half of what’s on here….
So I think I will have to buy more memory. Its funny how real memories are subsumed into a digital memory. If you don’t have a photo of it, it didn’t happen? Case in point, the recent death and funeral of the Queen. People have always recorded their lives throughout the ages, for example look at cave paintings. Then art throughout the ages, paintings for people who could pay, or sketches by people who had the means or ability to draw or paint. Then deguerreotypes (not sure of the spelling) became popular, painted portraits turned into slow motion photos that took time to take and heads had to be clamped in place to get a clear image. Box brownies, single lens reflex, eventually digital cameras, then phones which took a few photos. Now, the mobile phone is a hand held computer… But it still gets full.
The human mind can hold more information, but it’s not stored in a logical order. Links from the past suddenly reach out and grab your attention. Clearing a human brain of memory is not a good thing, and unless it happens through illness, age or injury, causing degradation of the brain structure, it is to be hoped that people can build memories (good or bad?), not lose them.
At the moment I’m up and down. One minute trying to plan things, the next remembering what has happened. Disbelief is my main emotion. That and loss. I feel like writing things down is helping a bit, so I’m here, blogging and sharing my thoughts. I hope that’s OK for people. I’m gradually working things out, grateful that I have hubby, friends and family there for support. When you lose a relative it’s a shock. I have cried, I will cry again, how long for, I don’t know. Its turmoil and chaos sometimes, then I calm down for a while. X
Something has happened, I am not saying what. But I don’t think I will be on line for a few days. I have a lot to think about and possibly organise. X
Three years ago I painted my hubby ‘my green man’. It came up on my Facebook memories today. He is a green man, gardening does him good, helps him to try and relax. He is a bunging in gardener, there’s no rhyme or reasoning to his planting, and he just plants things where he likes, but he must have green fingers. That’s why I painted him as a green man. Acrylic on canvas.
Mallaband-Brown