An artist!

When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Not when I was five!

Give me crayons, give me colouring books. Books with paper covered in dots that you wet with a paintbrush and colours emerge.. Dot to dot books, pages with squares on that I could turn into patterns. I might have been a bit older than five for some of these, but I always wanted art things for my birthday or Christmas. I must have heard of artists because I always wanted to be one. I got an etch-a-sketch machine to draw with, I loved that.

My sister wanted to be a musician, she eventually borrowed a violin from school. I got jealous because my parents said I was doing art and they couldn’t let me have a musical instrument, so I overtightened the strings on the violin and they snapped ( bad/very guilty memory!)…

Now? I’ve been an artist all my life. I started drawing when I was a child such as historical people in tudor dress, Asterix the Gaul, horses, clouds, all sorts of things. I still do that, anything is interesting to me.

Gratitude book

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

My gratitude book it is blank

I feel like I’ve nothing to thank

Thinking all things are bad

When there is some good

But I keep on getting so sad…

I may try and fill in the blank

Pages with three thoughts a day

But it’s been so hard

To find the right way

I really don’t know what to say.

Words and drawings

For over a year

I collected my

Thoughts so dear

But then in December

Bad things I remember

Made me give up

On any small cheer.

I’ll start again one day

If my troubles do go away

My mind is in rubble

With no happy bubble

I hope that’s not how I will stay.

I don’t have one

Do you enjoy your job?

I gave up work to look after my hubby and try and set up as an artist. Sadly circumstances mean that he is no longer here and I don’t have the possibility of keeping my artists studio.

I won’t stop painting though, creativity is my reason for living. Despite health issues I cannot give it up. So I suppose really I do have a job, but it’s very much part time. I will still accept commissions and do my best to produce quality art work. I hope I continue long into the future, drawing on these recent events to produce new art.

Singing cheers me up

I was at choir practice yesterday and today. It cheered me up. I have to say I feel much better when I do go. I believe it helps to release endorphins in your brain? I know that when I’m feeling really down it helps so much. I would suggest if you can join a choir do it! A lot of choirs don’t have auditions, and are taught be repetition of the musical phrases rather than using sheet music. That’s how we are taught, the choir master sings a line and we repeat it. Gradually building up the song. We sometimes have the words printed off phonetically. We’ve learnt French, Zulu, Maori, Spanish, Bulgarian and many other languages learning that way.

I know this is a bit random, but I think its a great way af helping your mental health and also a good way of socialising.

Floor paint

Seeing the floor in the Spode Factory is a memory of what went before. Industry and creativity joined. Scratched and chipped, the surface is damaged. Most of it is hidden by studios on either side of a central corridor. When you go into the studios some have metal, single glazed windows that let in the cold of winter. And once the cold gets in it doesn’t seem to get warm again till March!

The building is solid concrete and brick, with arched, barrel shaped ceilings high above. I think any heat rises up there and is lost to us on the shiny, scratched floor.

But here people worked hard to create beautiful ceramics, magical pottery, a hive of hot activity that didn’t need heating because of the kilns and machinery, now long gone.

Friends

Who are your favorite people to be around?

So lucky to have many friends. I admit they have had to put up with a lot from me lately and I appreciate every minute they have given to me.

For the first time in 63 years I was on my own in December last year. Without those friends I don’t know if I would still have been here.

Time moves on and you lose track of people, trying to find them again hurts when they just seem to have vanished. But I have managed to track some of them down through Facebook (whatever happened to “friends reunited”?)

I hope we maintain some of those interrupted friendships. Covid didn’t help, although Zoom meetings made life a bit easier, but I’m glad not to do them anymore. X

Duchovny portrait

Digital drawing I did of David Duchovny about 10 or 15 years ago (when the X files was on TV?).

It’s another one of my drawings at Sketchfu before the website closed. I had a great deal of fun drawing there and it seems so strange not to be able to draw there anymore. I loved doing portraits on the site.

Crying

A local author and friend, called Fred Hughes, wrote an article on Facebook and in our local paper talking about how, as he has grown older, he has found himself crying more. One example he gives is when the Leopard Hotel in Burslem, Stoke-on-Trent, burnt down two years ago. He lives nearby and found himself bought to rears because of all his memories of what had happened in that place, meeting people, enjoying good company and hospitality. He said that apparently hormonal changes can affect men because they are bought up to be stoic and strong. It must be a real shock to the system to allow grief and sadness out.

I think crying is good for you. Women do seem to be able to cry more often? I have wailed and cried and felt deep grief recently, not least because of the Leopard fire. The last two years have affected me a lot with various events. I’m not a stoic person although I try, when you have worked with people you have to try and stay professional. But without crying I would have exploded!

Not everyone can answer this.

What were your parents doing at your age?

Having a parent die early is awful, but a lot of people have this experience with either one or both of their parents.

In my case it was one, and the other was still working to support themselves at my age now. Income can drop drastically when you lose someone. My siblings and I did part time jobs to help support the family. My parent worked in two jobs to care for us. We mostly managed, and had to learn to be strong in the face of adversity. Sometimes we got help, but mostly we coped. Using a coat as an extra bedspread was a normal experience, and cold food more often than not saved money.

No one wants to lose a parent, or parents, and I’d give anything to speak to both of them now as the remaining parent passed away at a relatively young age too. It worries me because I don’t think we are a long lived family, but I want to be around for a good few years more.

Digital rose drawing

I used to draw at a website called Sketchfu before it closed. It had simple tools to draw with, no complicated applets, and consequently it was open to a large number of people.

Eventually it became a massive site and the owners lost interest in it. I was a moderator and had to deal with a lot of problems over the years I was there. I won’t go into details but it included bullying and inappropriate language and messages. There were a few of us that were allowed to remove inappropriate content but it was hard work. (I also moderated another site but did not disclose my role). When someone draws the same rude or racist image over, and over again for hours, but you are there deleting them as they appear, they eventually get fed up and stop. But if you admit you are a moderator you get a lot of stick, so I kept quiet. At one stage I was working in a full time job and coming home and doing four or five hours moderating!

Anyway I loved creating digital drawings, including portraits. I loved doing challenges. Someone would post a photo and we had to try and copy it. I’ve just found some of my old pieces so I might post a few of them over the next few days.