Tag: Life

Quiet day

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I woke up from a nightmare where I’d lost my house keys and couldn’t get back in the house. I decided to have a quiet day. I haven’t been online much today. I decided to stay off the computer and basically played a game on my phone all day. It was diverting and took my mind off things. But I think I will delete the game. It’s a mindless matching hexagons game. It’s frustrating and fun at the same time. But half the time is t taken up by adverts. I tried to get past them as quickly as I could but they are intensely irritating and there’s no way I’m paying to avoid them. So I’m back to reality again….

Companions

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One of my cats. It’s good to have something as a companion when you find yourself on your own. The fact you have something to look after holds you together. You can’t easily give in to sadness when creatures rely on you. Life has a way of kicking your ankles and letting you know you still have responsibilities. Thankfully it’s also good to have friends to help out. They know who they are and how much support they have given me (buying catfood and shopping while I’ve had covid).

It’s going to be a long journey, but having my companion animals will help.

Woof

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I’m a cat person but I suddenly decided to doodle a dog. I must be starting to feel better after covid. I somehow feel like drawing again.

I’m using the Artrage app and the simple flood fill and spray tools. I’ll try and do something more complex soon. I need to catch up with my #bandofsketchers prompts too.

What’s the matter now?

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What’s the matter now? Became a response when my hubby couldn’t hear me properly. He was always having problems with his hearing aids. They made his ears sore. Or if he got his hair trapped they would whistle.

What’s the matter now? Was almost a catchphrase. I dreaded it, it meant he was irritated by me, or something was getting on his nerves.

Decades of living with someone, and you don’t know what will happen. Can you know someone well enough to be able to solve all their problems? Not in a normal life. It’s not all romance, it’s trying to give and take, accept difficulties. Putting doubts out of your mind. The marriage service has it right. The balance between sickness and health. Riches and poverty. Somehow you rub along.

I will be guilty for a long time for feeling I should have done more. To make everything OK? Not a chance, but I can wish. For now I will try and remember the ‘what’s the matter now?’ moments and try to accept that was part of our life too. If there is something after life I hope he forgives me. I don’t know what else to ask for of him. Processing grief is horrible but it has to be done.

No presents

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No presents hanging in stockings

No orange in the toe of the sock

There’s no chocolate or dolls

No perfume, or jigsaw puzzle

Sympathy cards replace Christmas ones.

The poinsettia is still in the shop

Your present has gone to a friend

We won’t open one each before breakfast

Old traditions wrung out

New ones yet to start.

Meanwhile I wait for snow or reindeer

Or Christian meditation and carols.

Who knows what happens next.

Shrodingers Cat has more idea

Of the future than I do.

Stuck in Wales

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My sister is broken down in a car in Wales, her clutch has gone. She’s been waiting for the breakdown service for about four hours! They keep saying they are sending someone but it’s getting late, and cold. Why they advertise a service when they can leave someone on their own late at night. So of course I’m worried about her. I will keep ringing her back until I know she is safe. I cannot go to her because she is about eighty miles away in a town I don’t know. So if you read this please just send her good wishes. X