He was a mad cat,
Jumped on kites,
sat in the middle of the road.
Climbed shelves,
ran round the local shop.
Climbed the curtains,
chased dogs
Mad yowling,
Running round at high speed.
Pouncing and preening.
Playing…
Tag: Funny
Evidence
Got up this morning and found an empty brie packet on the cupboard. It was like a crime scene with the brie kidnapped from the fridge and taken away. Silly I know! It’s just that I buy food for both of us and it’s annoying when it’s just eaten without leaving a bit for me.
I wanted to find something to write on to say ‘evidence’ to leave next to it. But it was five o’clock in the morning and I didn’t have the energy.
When I got up again it was gone, so the opportunity was lost…
Claws out
I have the claw marks to prove it. She’s a lovely cat but she likes climbing up my leg instead of jumping up onto my knees.
This is also spider chaser extreme. Which is fine until she knocked over a bottle of shampoo and the liquid ran all over the floor and behind the sink, that was messy to clear up.
What else? She’s the cat that lies under the mat, she rolls toys under it then pulls them back out by lying on her side and using her claws to try and reach the toy. She also hides behind coats that are hung up and pounces on her brother. She also climbs up on the window behind the curtains and trys pulling at the net curtains. She’s almost knocked the TV off its stand! She’s a really bouncy cheeky cat!
Let me sniff your hand hooman.
I smell your hand hooman
It sniffs of coffee and paint
Of lavender and cut grass.
It smells of sausages and chips
Salt and vinegar.
Your hooman hand is warm
And soft.
Your hooman hand gives me
Food and water.
It strokes my belly
My nose and head.
You are my hooman
And I own you!
No……
I have really interesting, involved dreams, marvellous fantasies. The trouble is when I wake up they are gone. Dissappeared, dissolved into the mists of reality. I have just woken up from one marvellous concoction. But it’s gone. I can’t grasp it back from my sleep. Today as I woke I could hear myself shouting Noooooo…..
In other news, I just heard the very quiet sound of running water. A hiss that signifies something is happening outside? Went out. My partner had switched the outside tap on last night with the hose attached… He’s left it on all night! I’m surprised the garden hasn’t floated away! We don’t have a hose ban, but I might ban him. Thank goodness we are not on a water meter!
Another reason to wake up shouting Noooooooo!
X
Moustache madness
I came across this photo from about 5 years ago….
When attending a moustache workshop
Be careful where you put the glue
You might end up looking like Rembrant
Laughing like a cavalier.
You might end up with curling eyebrows,
Or with a twisting beard.
Just don’t go mad with super glue
Or you might have it for Years!
Stray cat
You like our garden, stray cat,
You like my kitty cats food.
You like sitting on my
Soon to be erected shed!
You drink out of the pond,
Walk on wet concrete
And leave your 🐾 paw prints
Eat from picnic sandwiches
Sit on the benches
And deck chairs
Climb the trees
Chase the birds
Act like you own the place?
But then go home!
Cat watching
In 50 years of owning or being owned by cats none of them have ever properly watched TV. Oh Yes they have stared at it in a disinterested way. If they happen to be facing in that direction, but nothing stirred them.
That changed with my female cat which I have had for a couple of years. She started by watching little things like birds and mice, but she really did get interested when we watched cat programmes. Now she seems really into things like lions. I got a few photos a couple of months ago of her standing up and looking at the screen. How does she know, or not, that there is a genetic linkage with big cats? Do they move in a similar way? Was it the noises they were making….. I don’t know. I think it’s cute behaviour and I also think she’s a lot cleverer than her brother.. . You should see her play.
X
Cats and keyboards
“Get off you pest!” I don’t shout at the cat…
“You’re in the way,” I think but stay silent.
“No paws here!” I meant to say, but no breath escapes…
“Ok, that’s my keyboard,” I mean to yell…
Curled up, cute, cuddly, the cat snores.
“Shift cat, I need to type”, I quietly think.
“Your tail is in my paint! Don’t twitch it…”
“No, its gone all over the paper…Drat, Cat!”
Whiskers twitch, as quietly…
Curled up, cute, kitty, snores….
“No don’t lick that here! ” A feeble squeak emitted.
“Dont wash your paws in the kitchen sink,” I think…
“No furballs allowed,” I try not to choke,
“No cat food on the cupboard,” I cry……
Curled up cute, cat, snores…
All the world to rest in, and you chose this lap?
Go ahead cute cat, curl up kitty, and snore …..
X
You like miserable news.
“You like your news miserable, you do” I said to him. “If its not sad you are not happy”. “It’s the religion I was bought up with, I can’t help it, we were told the world was going to end!”
“But it didn’t, it hasn’t, and even if humans disappear I think the world will carry on without us”…
We continued to talk about it, one argument laid over another, like a pile of folded clothes rising up in between us. Neither side was winning, just the usual grumble of disagreement that comes from being a couple for over 30 years.
“So you agree with me then?” The question insinuated itself into my mind. I tried to remember hearing what he had said a moment before, but there was a blank space where his words had been……”er yes?” grasping for some idea of where the conversation had got to. “Er. …. um,?”
“You know, I said it was all going to be a disaster” “what disaster ?” “That they are stopping making jelly babies!” “Why?” “They are too wobbly!”
Remind me to listen in future…….
This is fiction, as far as I know jelly babies are safe and sound in their sweet jar. I just wanted to explain what happens when I switch off to what my husband is saying. I have to try and guess what was previously said, which can cause mild panic. …..!
