Bad day

Posted on August 10, 2025 Posted in Cat, UncategorizedTagged Aching, Cat, Cheered, cramping, Hidden, Illness, Life, Parkinsons, Sad, Thinking, Tired, WorryLeave a comment

My day has been spent shut inside the house. Not wanting to go out, shaky and achy. My feet are cramping, my hands tremble and twist tightly. I started doomscrolling which was a mistake. I also wanted to keep out of the heat and humidity.

This is the reality of a bad day of Parkinsons. Quiet, just mooching, worrying, thinking about the future. Things I can’t do. Fears of what I need to be careful about.

I need to put washing on the line, I really need shopping. But I had trouble washing my hair. I’m not supposed to get water in my eye because of the surgery, but leaning backwards in the shower feels very unsteady.

Reading about other people’s problems makes me realise how much people have to put up with. Life isn’t always easy.

BUT my Cat just jumped on my lap. She’s happy and purring… Not so bad then..

Cataract eve

Posted on July 31, 2025 Posted in Cat, UncategorizedTagged Black and white cat, Cat, cataracts, heart failure, Illness, operation, Tuxedo cat, vets, WorryLeave a comment

No WordPress free images, not that sort!

I am due in surgery tomorrow so I was going to tidy up and remove trip hazards. But that was before one of my cats decided to be ill. I spent a lot of this morning trying to entice him into his pet carrier. In the end I had to scoop him into it. I didn’t know what was wrong with him but he was breathing fast. It wasn’t right so I took him to the vets.

It turns out he might have heart failure, so he’s now on tablets for the rest of his life. I don’t know what I’ll do if passes away, but at least I found out in time.

So anyway the operation is tomorrow.

I’ve done nothing to get organised, just been napping this afternoon. I will have to get up early tomorrow. But I feel relieved that my cat will be OK. How I will get the tablets in him while I am recuperating? I don’t know.

Cat not well.

Posted on July 30, 2025July 30, 2025 Posted in Cat, UncategorizedTagged Black and white cat, Cat, cataract, Driving, Emergency, Illness, Life, Parkinsons, Stress, Tuxedo cat, vets, Worry3 Comments

My Cat started breathing fast this evening. I’d taken him to the vets yesterday and he was fine. They gave him some meds but I don’t think this is anything to do with this. I think he might have a fur ball. He sounded a bit wheezy before his breathing changed. After about an hour things have settled down and he is sleeping.

I rang the vets office anyway and they said they would call me back. I dare not drive to the emergency vets because of my Parkinsons and cataracts. They are on the other side of the city and I don’t want to put him or me at risk. So I’ll stay up with him and take him down my local vets in the morning.

It’s frightening when you live on your own and things go wrong. If I can’t rely on myself I’m in trouble. Age and the aging process is a pain.

My garden

Posted on May 16, 2025 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged broken heart, Bushes, Council, Garden, Hedge, Overgrown, Sad, Time, Upset, warning, Worry2 Comments

My garden is overgrown, particularly the front hedge which is trees and bushes. The local council has sent me a warning letter to get it cut back in 14 days. But I’m physically not capable of doing it, I’m on a low income and my garden is a haven for birds, squirrels, sometimes hedgehogs and bats. I’m going to try and get it done, but will have to rely on friends as my hubby died 18 months ago.

What is worse is I struggle with anxiety and having a letter addressed to the both of us really upset me. I found myself crying on the phone to a council worker. It makes me feel like my heart is breaking. I just wish hubby was still here. Meanwhile I will try and plead for some more time.

Last night

Posted on May 4, 2025 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Acting, Garden, Neighbours, Night, Noises, Phone call, Police, Sound, Thinking, Worry1 Comment

Last night I thought I heard movement in the garden, a bit of noise, something rattled. I didn’t know what to do so I opened the back door. I think the noise was coming from a neighbouring property but just to be on the safe side I made a noise to make them aware someone had noticed. Then I did something strange. My phone was on charge but I pretended I was speaking to the police! I had a one sided conversation and left gaps as if I was listening to their response. It went something like this…..

Hello

Police please?

Hello, I’m ringing from…..

I can hear movement and think there is someone in my garden.

Yes it’s been happening for a few minutes.

You’ve got someone in the area?

Thank you

Ten minutes? I’ll lock the door and wait..

It was a bit like improvised acting. I don’t know why I did it. I wasn’t going to go outside, and I wanted to make anyone out there aware they might be caught. I feel a bit daft now. Was I right to do it?

Mori

Posted on April 20, 2025 Posted in Fine Art, Memories, UncategorizedTagged Acrylic on canvas, Death, Fine Art, Health, Life, memento mori, miniature, Painting, Skull, WorryLeave a comment

I think a lot about life and death these days. If I don’t hear from people I worry about them. This morning my cat was so fast asleep he was barely breathing. I didn’t want to disturb him, but he is getting old so I gently blew on his ear. It twitched and I was overjoyed. He was fine and woke a few minutes later.

My sister says she might come and live with me if my health gets worse. But somehow I want to reject that. I’m not ready for a last chapter of my book. There has been too much loss lately. I just want that to stop. To enjoy life for a change. Slough off my sorrows and come back fighting. I can’t keep my sadness and worry going, it’s too exhausting. I know I need to “memento mori”, a Latin phrase, which translates to “remember that you must die” in English. It’s a reminder of mortality and the fleeting nature of life. The phrase can be used for a work of art. I think that was what my little painting was about.

In Car news…

Posted on February 21, 2025 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged anxious, Car, car door, Fixed, Lock, Mechanic, Memory, OK now, update, Window lock, WorryLeave a comment

On Tuesday night I got trapped in my car. I booked it in a garage to try and get it fixed. The mechanic came and took the car this morning but came back in less than an hour. They said the lock and window are now working. They think the window lock button might have got knocked accidentally? Also the door opens now? I hope it’s just reset itself, but it makes me nervous, I might have to try and visit friends and make sure they are in if I visit. I will also have my phone at the front of the car so I can get to it straight away. If I decide to drive myself to the shops I might need someone to let me out!

Missing cat?

Posted on March 29, 2024 Posted in Cat, Memories, UncategorizedTagged anxious, Black and white cat, Cat, Memory, Silence, Thinking, Tuxedo cat, Whistle, WorryLeave a comment

Where’s he gone? I’ve whistled and shouted him. He was around this morning. He’s probably asleep somewhere. I’ll have to put some food out for him and the other two… Or get some catnip out to attract him. I’m getting worried but I think it’ll be OK. It’s just that feeling of missing something, a silence when you expect noise. I don’t want to lose anything else at the moment. I haven’t heard from a friend recently and I get the same feeling. I’m over thinking probably. Easy to let things get to me. But I don’t want a prodigal cat. X

Appointment

Posted on March 8, 2024 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Anxiety, Appointment, Illness, Life, results, Scared, Shaking, Stress, Thinking, Time, Worry5 Comments

Eek, I now have an appointment to see what’s wrong with me and I’m scared. I don’t know what to expect or what treatment I’m going to be offered. My world has been spinning now for a couple of years, so I guess resolving it is a good idea, but my anxiety levels are skyrocketing.

Trying to say calm, repeating the word calm in my mind, trying to relax, stomach is churning though. My shaking has suddenly got worse, I feel like I’m a twisting pretzel or Staffordshire knot, I don’t know how to slacken the pressure.

Standing on the edge of a precipice wondering if I will fall or fly. I think this is just going to be a talk about results, but I really am not sure if I can cope.

Cost of living

Posted on January 1, 2024 Posted in UncategorizedTagged bills, costs, expensive time, Finances, job, Reality, reduced income, Thinking, Worry2 Comments

Life costs money

The more I think about things the more I wonder how I will manage my finances. My hubby was the main breadwinner, recently I’d given up work to look after him because of his health. We had the cushion of his money coming in over those years and I got used to it. Now? A lot smaller income. Probably a third of what we were getting. Savings will have to be made. I don’t know if I can afford to keep my car. All expensive bills come in January. I’m dreading it. But I think I will cope. If not I will try and get a job.

Mallaband-Brown

Tag: Worry