Tag: Work

Quite often

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Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

Where am I?

I was a child and because my eyes were bad I couldn’t see where my parents were on a big beach. So I got lost, but luckily someone found me and I got back to my family. Then they found out I was short sighted, so I ended up with glasses.

Later I got lost trying to map read while my mom drove. I wasn’t very good at it, so we took the right road, but headed south not north. Eventually I realised I had gone wrong and we found our way home. After that I studied maps (on paper), so I knew where I was.

But feeling out of place can also be emotional. I used to do an important job and did it well, but I didn’t fit in with other staff members because they thought I was too soft with our customers. I started to feel very out of place. I think I suffered from imposter syndrome. I second guessed myself all the time, thinking I would get caught out for doing things wrong.

I’m glad I’m out of it. I want to feel I have a real place to be,

How does deafness affect you?

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Interview someone — a friend, another blogger, your mother, the mailman — and write a post based on their responses.

I talked to my hubby about being deaf.

What’s it like being deaf?

I have gradually lost my hearing over several years. It can make me feel grumpy, angry and lonely.

When did you first notice it?

I first noticed it when I was working in heavy industry for several years, but I was the child of a mill worker and the children had a creche at the mill, so I was always in a noisy environment. I really noticed it while working at my final job in a warehouse. There were conveyor belts everywhere and trucks, with loud music blaring out.

What can you hear?

I can hear very loud noises but without my hearing aids speech is just a wah wah wah noise.

How do you cope?

I have to try and lip read sometimes unless someone has a really loud or low voice. I can’t hear the higher registers of singers and music is distorted. It frustrates me when people have to repeat themselves and I know my hearing is diminishing. My mind retreats into childhood memories, it’s very isolating and now I’ve retired every day flows one into the next.

What about entertainment?

Subtitles on the TV help but I have to turn up the volume sometimes. I can use a hearing loop with my hearing aids but we don’t go out much anymore to the theatre or cinema.

What other things bother you?

Sometimes I get tinnitus or burbling noises like rushing water. I think that’s the blood pulsing in my ears. It’s hard to sleep when that happens. Also I think my brain fills in the gaps in the silence, I sometimes hear my name being called, or loud noises when there are none, it can be very disturbing.

We hadn’t really talked about it much so I’m glad I answered this prompt. It’s given me a bit more insight into how things are for him. I get frustrated that he can’t hear me, but it must be so much worse for him.

Art of course

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If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?

If I could I would open an art shop. But I don’t have the skills. I’d need to be trained in accounting, in design to get things looking peofessional, and more knowledge of pricing. Also I’d need sufficient funds to rent or let a property.

At the moment I’m lucky to have some of my work on sale or display, but the business side of it doesn’t enthrall me. I’d never be an entrepreneur.

I did try when I finished work, I set up a studio and worked at producing new art. But the building us rarely open to the public, and my studio is off down a narrow corridor so I don’t have much contact with people when I’m there. Covid and lock downs stopped me from getting stalls on local craft fairs.. A cheaper way of selling than having a permanent ‘public facing’ shop.

I’ve heard of business plans but never had one perhaps that’s my biggest failing, I just keep getting on with getting on….

Being helpful

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I feel like I’m hiding the world on my shoulders and today has been one of those days.

First a phonecall/ interview I had to deal with. Then to my friends to help her contact a utility company. Then to the pharmacy to get my hubbys medication. Finally sending emails for a friend because she’s got problems.

Why do I do it? I tie myself in knots helping people. ‘I’m just a girl that can’t say no, I’m in a terrible fix’, as the saying goes. I guess after doing a helping job over twenty years it’s ingrained. I like helping, I’m not seeking acclaim. I just don’t like seeing people struggle. But sometimes I just want a day off.

Career? What career?

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What is your career plan?

My life is like an open flower

Petals may soon drop

A career I had

But it is gone

Retired and tired I am.

Work over now

Unless I have

To seek

A few hours here

A few more there

To keep going on.

I wish I could restart time

And make a change to life

Perhaps the years

I toiled at work

Would have been better spent.

My life was dull

To some extent

I played the game of life

The early morns

The evenings dark

When I came home again.

I’m glad that I escaped to art

And life began once more.

Clocking on

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Have you ever clocked on? I did for a few weeks one summer when I got a holiday job. The clock machine we had to use was a big grey box with cards in slots next to it.

I also clocked on for an art project. Each time I went into my studio I clocked on, and off. The cards were collected and turned into an artwork later on.

So seeing this at the museum rang a bell… Some forty year old thought woke up and reminded me of a dirty grey factory floor, oil splashed on the machines, knurling air filters for cars (joining the concertinerd paper together) with two clogged wheels that pressed the ends together to hold them in place before they had cages and the rubberised circles fixed to the top and bottoms, then clock off and go home at the end of a long, boring day. So clocking on? I’ve done that.

Leaving work

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Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.

Things happen and suddenly you have to decide what to do. Your life can carry on the same old way or you can adjust it. Mostly though that happens when you get a little older. That’s what happened to me.

I knew I would be OK as I was taking a calculated step, but what I didn’t bank on was Brexit (why?), then the pandemic and now the cost of living crisis, and health issues.

So would I do it again? Yes of course. I know I’m not probably as well off and secure as I would have been, but I know I’m happier. I won’t describe why I left, but I wasn’t happy. Things changed and I could explain, but it’s in the past now. All I know is that I feel more confident, it has definitely helped me grow as a person.

What’s next? I’ll keep trying to make things work. I have to. I wish anyone else who has made a similar decision all the best and good luck.

Phone broken

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Can’t ring in, can’t ring out – call guardian is blocking all our calls…we had an engineer out who checked the phone lines. As soon as he plugged his own phone in it worked, but when he plugged ours back in. No luck. He rang our phone supplier and asked them what we could do (engineers only work on phone lines, not phones), the woman he spoke to needed to verify us. Could I say when we had the last bill? I didn’t know as hubby pays it. So she went through a low quality verification and asked the engineer his details. Then she said that we should check the settings.? How? There’s a manual on line… I explained I wasn’t happy to go through lots of pages. We finally convinced her the phone needed replacing…. Then she checked the Argos website. We could get a big button phone. I don’t want that, I want the same as we have. I could get three of the right phones from Argos for £125! No we just want one.. We only live in a small house. OK they have the phone for £39.99. We ordered it. The engineer was great but I thought the advisor on the phone was a bit more interested in her own assumptions and didn’t really want to listen to me….

Peony

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Our old peonies didn’t flower this spring but a new peony has come into bloom and its a pale creamy pin. Is a bright spot in a very overgrown jungle! Hubby asked if it was a poppy and I thought it would be until he showed it to me. I don’t even remember planting it.

Gardening takes hard work and effort. I wish I had the energy to do more of it. The garden needs a serious hacking back. Bringing light back in and reducing shade… Its actually quite frightening.

Where have I been?

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Getting ready for the exhibition tomorrow. Painting, adding wires to the back of the paintings. Retouching edges of canvases where I missed bits of paint (painting edges is called ‘gallery wrapping’).

The exhibition and sale is only for one day so I want to make it as good as I can. I have other small paintings to take plus cards and jewellery. I hope I actually sell something.