Tag: Thought

Almost the end

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Short days, the candle is nearly out. Darkness floats by my eyes as I look into the garden. Cold wind and rain is making it chilly and damp. Memory tugs at my mind, pulling my mouth down at the corners. But I caught myself laughing a couple of times today.

Where will I be at the end of next year? Will I find the safety and solace I seek. Will I manage on my own. Decades of being a couple makes it difficult to predict. I’m trying to explain how I feel about things. I feel like I did when I left school after that being my whole life. The cliff edge is close, my hubby could climb down cliffs while I cowered at the top. I don’t like them. I want to be settled and secure. Oh well, we will see….

Jingle bells

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Symmetrical tree with lights and stained glass windows. Still loving playing with photos and art.

In other news I’m lucky to have so many friends. Things are happening and I’m like a boulder in a raging river, being bashed all over the place, but people keep throwing me lifelines and I feel like things should (not saying will) be alright. Meanwhile I have to keep occupied.

Worrying

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What could you do less of?

I just know I have to be calm and try and deal with life. I’ve got to try and worry less. That’s what my hubby kept telling me ‘don’t worry’.

I hope I can do that, anxiety levels have risen. Fears of what’s happening in the world, the level of cruelty and destruction and war seems to be worse than ever. Or is it just that it’s more reported? Don’t worry?

Of course I’m going to worry, I need to know I’m safe. That I can get my life sorted out for the next three or four years. I need stability, I need support, I have to be realistic.

But I will try not to worry too much.

I would meditate!

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If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?

Yawn, I need some rest!

I think I would use the extra time to relax and try and relieve stress. Otherwise if I was to stay awake I would try and do too much, use up all my energy and end up exhausted.

It’s a strange concept to think about being happy not to sleep. As someone who suffers from insomnia (typing this at 1am), the thought of not needing to sleep both enchants and worries me. I enjoy dreams and would miss them. But if I could survive without sleep I could also be more creative. Perhaps meditate on art and different styles.

If people could stay awake indefinitely what would they get up to? How many more Police and security staff would we need. Would pollution go up if staff were expected to work 24/7 or would they have time to pursue leisure activities? I think it would be a strange, busy and manic world.

Most Favourite?

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Who are your current most favorite people?

It could be anyone.

It depends on what you are like?

Are you pleasant?

Do you care about others?

There are so many people

With different traits

Fantastic ideas

Idealistic behaviours.

Do you have to be perfect?

No, humans aren’t,

But if you try….

You could be a current favourite.

Crocodile on a cushion.

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At the British Ceramic biennial on Sunday Probably made by the same artist that made the frogs on exhibition there. I love it’s sinuous shape, you can almost imagine it’s gait, legs splayed out, first the legs on one side come together, then the spine flexes and the legs on the other side meet. Crocodillians have been about for millions, of years. Even before the dinosaurs? With it’s front legs lying alongside it’s body it looks like it’s about to slide into a river or pond….

Compassion

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What’s the trait you value most about yourself?

I think its important to care about people. It means a lot to me. Empathy is important too. Trying to understand where people come from. Sometimes people are hard to get, they don’t make sense. But I still think you have to care.

Compassion is key to that, seeing the problems people are suffering and trying to get to the bottom of why it’s happening. Not blaming them for how their lives are turning out.

I know I cannot aways help people. It’s so hard to explain what I mean. But if you put yourself in their shoes at least there is a chance you can understand their motivations.

I hate rhetoric that describes people in a bad way and that creates a feeling of us and them. It is just a way to divide and conquer. In the modern world there seems to be such a blame culture, where compassionate thoughts could make things better for everyone?

I know I’m an idealist and most readers will find my thoughts wishy washy and weak. But it’s ingrained into me. I make no apologies for it.

Art

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What could you do more of?

Old digital mouse drawing

I have been ill and down for a while and I need to start feeling better and reclaim doing some real art. Yes I can work on my small phone screen and create small pieces of digital art, and yes, over the years I have done a lot. But I begin to need to paint again. It must be a good sign? I’ve got to stop being frightened of creating, fear of failure is holding me back. Will I ever get through being blocked? At least now I can admit I want to.

Which holidays?

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How do you celebrate holidays?

There are holidays and holy days? Some countries have more of one sort than the other. It depends on where you live.

It also depends on what your religion is, if you have one.

Some holidays are based on Saints days, like St Patrick’s day in Ireland, St Nicholas around the world, many different saints in Christian countries, prophets in others.

Other holidays are based on different deities. From Hindu to Buddhist, Zoroastrianism, Islam, Judaism, they all have holidays, some are celebrated by multiple religions, others are unique to one clique of one subdivision of a religion.

I celebrate Christmas and Easter, but as I’m not a strong believer I do not go into it deeply, I just appreciate the history of the celebration and possibly attend a service at our local church. But I am not intensely involved.

Holidays, as in travelling, or visiting other towns and cities IS something I truly celebrate. With the Covid infection, cost of living crisis and other problems I rarely get time to take a real holiday. As a pet owner, the time we can spend away is limited, I cannot afford to put my pets into accommodation, so we only stay away for short breaks.

So that’s my holiday celebrations, a bit sparse, but I enjoy what I can.

Into the light

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The pulse has gone, all is lost. Communication has ended. A dull drone at the end of the phone. A murmuring has slowly died away. No more heat. Soulless sadness. I had to write.

I see your face, but can’t recall it, only imagination holds you in place. Anniversary gone, I must face my own troubles. But I look in the mirror and see your face, then you walk away into the distance, into the light… My sister, goodbye.