Cat doodling

Don’t know why I did this? It’s a bit mad. Playing with Artrage app again. I’m a bit at a loss today. My legs are aching, my ankles are sore. I’m still sleeping on the armchair, can’t attempt steps yet. I’m on pain medication and tablets for an infection in my leg. I am just, blugh! Driving hubby round the bend, been driven mad in return. I know how to do things, but he’s trying to cook. Which has resulted in overcooked food and undercooked. So, looking at screens, looking at posts. I’d like to finish some paintings but I cannot push and pull the chair I rest my art stuff on. I will have to be patient!

It’s a ligament

I have pulled a ligament in my foot. I had the ambulance service out. The paramedics were lovely, but they could not take me into A&E. I’ve pulled a ligament so I they won’t xray me or put a plaster cast on. I’ve just got to bear weight on my foot and leg. I’m hobbling around. I’ve got a chair half way to the bathroom to give me a rest. Trouble is I’m drinking plenty of fluids! On painkillers. 😭

I wish I could talk to her

I wish I could speak to my mother, my sister, but they are gone. If there was a phone line, a way to communicate. Just to say hello. To get some comfort. To just say a few words and get some response. It’s hard to lose people, it leaves such an empty space. Even when I’m busy I think of them. I thought I would learn to cope, and I have to some extent, but the older you get it seems the more the regret grows (at least for me). Sadness, regret, pain, loss, mourning, they all crowd in on me sometimes.

Late

What time do you go to bed and wake up currently?

Early to bed, early to rise, just isn’t me!

I think my circadian rhythm is out, because over the last few months I’ve gone to bed later and later. Then I eventually sleep for a few hours, before waking up around dawn. Then sadly I look at my phone! Spend an hour or so catching up with videos and messages, before falling asleep again and waking up in the late morning.

I don’t want to be this way, I sometimes need to be up and out earlier, but insomnia and an overactive brain can see me struggling to sleep. It doesn’t help that I have to wear a mask at night to help me breathe. I also do have painful joints and my arm is still very shaky and sore (I sound like a wreck!).

One thing to do is to think the word “the” over and over to yourself. This was recommended by my friend and it works when I remember to do it. “the” is a word with no connotations, it interrupts your train of thought and gives your brain time to disengage (at least that’s what I think!).

Anyway hope you all have a good night’s sleep. Best wishes!

Six months…

Six months since I lost you

Six months of sorrow

I don’t remember every day

But milestones on the way

Remind me of a voice lost

A physical presence gone.

When I feel down the loss is greater

I dispare that your life is over.

I still pray for you at night

And I wish with all my might

That you were still here

Even if you were not near

Sister, twin, friend

My love to you

I send.

Dawn chorus 5am

Imagined view of our garden with bird singing. Too dark to really see.

It’s just after 5am now. I got up because my toes hurt (gout?) on the other foot to the one I had broken my toenail on. Long boring story…

Anyway it’d still dark so I’m sitting here by the light of a standard lamp and trying to sleep with my foot uncovered so there’s no pressure on it.

But through the window I can hear the lilting song of what I think is either a Robin or a Blackbird. I haven’t heard them in the morning during the winter, so I guess spring might just be on the way. It’s lovely to hear them, possibly marking out their territory in the tangled trees and bushes we call our garden. Mind you they have to be aware of the local cats. Mine are all inside snuggled up, but I hope they are singing high up in the branches. X

In toe news

Toe sorted out, went to a private chiropodists. Just got to let it settle down for a couple of days. This is the ‘before’ photo. He cut off the broken bit and trimmed my nails. Just after I got this appointment I got a call from the NHS podiatrists saying they could see me later today. I felt really guilty but I’d spent the night with my toes wrapped up and I didn’t get much sleep. I decided to stick with the appointment I’d made. I don’t like booking things then not turning up!

Makeshift covering…

After spending three hours searching for plasters… I found them. I’ve put one lengthwise over my toe to protect it. To hold the loose bit of my toenail in place. I tried to put another one round three toes but it didn’t work so I’ve resorted to Masking tape. It hurts but I didn’t want to leave it loose because when I go to bed the sheets will catch on it. Ouchie!

Golfers elbow, too much phone use?

I was recently diagnosed with golfers elbow, and should be resting my arm, but I think it’s partly being cause because of my shaking arm. I’m trying to hold it still but I think that’s causing the muscles on the inside of my elbow to tighten and clench. That being said it hurts when I hold my phone in my left hand, but I would have thought my right arm would be involved too? Anyway I think I will blog more on my pc and rest my arm. Isn’t life wonderful?!