Heart

‘I still keep seeing hearts, and it makes me feel like smiling when I do’, she said.

It was over a year since he’d gone, she realised, and things had been hard. They hadn’t discussed anything, it was so unexpected.

About a week after he had died she found a pink, heart shaped petal on her pillow, she had left the window open for some fresh air and it had just appeared, probably on a gust of wind.

She spoke to her sister again. ‘it seems to happen about once a week, I will spot a heart shape somewhere. Daft things like a bubble in the bread was a little heart, heart shaped crisps, presents with them as decorations, stones on the beach, it just keeps happening’.

She remembered the heart shaped cloud that had floated over the house for an hour, just above his shed. Above where he had worked on his bikes and train sets. She knew he was still with her, keeping an eye on her. Maybe one day they would be back together.

Past book?

I keep getting ads in my time line to order my 2024 past book now.

Anyone who follows me will know I don’t need reminding. I have had the worst 12 to 24 months in my life that I never want to live over again. I hope to get through December and have a better start to 2025, although I worry about geopolitics. I don’t want one! I don’t want reminding, please don’t make me!

OK that’s enough..

There were good times too, I have some good photos, but I’m not in the mood to share. I’ll hoard those to myself, keep them safe.

Cry

What would you do if you lost all your possessions?

Everything gone?

What would  I do if I lost it all?

Cry for lost memories

Weep for my tranklements

Sigh for my paintings

Scream for my cats

But remember them all

The good times

The joy that they gave

And try to make a new start

A way to cope

Seeking for comfort

Hoping for help.

Loss can destroy

But hope can strengthen

Survival would be my goal.

Backing myself into a corner?

Married

We met in the September

Moved in together in October

16 years later?

We married.

In 9 minutes it will be our anniversary.

My first without him.

We never really celebrated

He wasn’t into birthdays

Or Anniversaries

A quiet meal

A glass of wine or beer

We were going to be together forever.

The shock when he went

Backed me into a corner.

Nowhere to go

Nothing to do

Surrounded by stuff

That holds me in

Trapped in a corner of sadness

Missing him

And tomorrow? In 5 minutes?

24 hours lost in greif

Brampton Open Exhibition

Lucky to get my painting “mend him” into the Brampton open exhibition in the Brampton museum and art gallery, in Newcastle under Lyme. Staffordshire. It’s on from 14th October I think. The painting is a portrait of my hubby I started last year and finally finished a couple of months after he passed away. I miss him. This is my in memoriam tribute to him.

I had decided to enter it as “not for sale” but the gallery wanted all images to be up for sale so I put a large (very large) price on it to virtually guarantee it won’t be sold. It’s very personal to me, but I wanted people to see it.

It’s acrylic on canvas and I started it in my Studio in Spode Site, Stoke. I finished painting it there after I decided to leave due to not being able to afford the studio rent any longer. It means this is the last painting I completed there.

This doesn’t happen…

Describe your ideal week.

My ideal week would be to go out to a studio, paint for a few hours, make good progress on a painting. Go to choir practice. Cook tea for me and my hubby. Sit and chat about our days.

My ideal week would include going for a walk with him, he might go for a cycle ride to see a friend. He goes to bed early, I stay up late to read or watch TV.

In my ideal week I would sleep well, wake refreshed. Go for a drive somewhere with my hubby. Visit a national trust property.

In my ideal week I would try and paint some more, take some photos, go on the Internet.

In my ideal week I would still have my hubby, I would still have my studio, I would still be doing art or at least more than I am now. I’m just struggling to get back to something like an ideal week.

Hedge gone!

I came home from a nice afternoon singing with a choir to find the hedge behind my neighbours back garden has gone. It’s because one of the houses have been sold and they need access. It’s a shame because the house sparrows used to nest in there. I feel like I’m under threat in all directions! The hedge on the other side of the house has been cut right back which was when we were burgled. It’s all men chopping the plants down. Tidy and lifeless. They will put some gravel down! Meanwhile my garden will survive somehow!