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I close my eyes and wish
For sleep to kiss my cheek
Caress my tired neck
And let me rest my mind.
Instead I lie awake
Uncomfortable and sad
If I could ignore the world
Lose my thoughts
I would be glad.
Night ticks into day
Light blooms in my eyes
I want real sleep to stay
To end my tired gloom.
It’s just after 5am now. I got up because my toes hurt (gout?) on the other foot to the one I had broken my toenail on. Long boring story…
Anyway it’d still dark so I’m sitting here by the light of a standard lamp and trying to sleep with my foot uncovered so there’s no pressure on it.
But through the window I can hear the lilting song of what I think is either a Robin or a Blackbird. I haven’t heard them in the morning during the winter, so I guess spring might just be on the way. It’s lovely to hear them, possibly marking out their territory in the tangled trees and bushes we call our garden. Mind you they have to be aware of the local cats. Mine are all inside snuggled up, but I hope they are singing high up in the branches. X
I’ve noticed my big toes are hurting again. They really are sore and when I try and sleep at night I have to pull the covers off them because the pressure of the duvet on them hurts and keeps me awake. Then I have to try and cover them up a bit because they get cold!
I was diagnosed with gout in my feet, then thumb a couple of years ago but I forgot. I’ve got quite a few things wrong with me and I don’t always remember all of them. I just keep taking the tablets. I hope I don’t moan about things too much, but sometimes things are maddening. But insomnia is debilitating, anything that can help me get to sleep and stay asleep would be good. Sometimes meditation takes my mind off things, perhaps I will try that tonight…
🕓
And….. The insomnia has kicked in again! Achey arm, scringing toes, too warm, aching back. Thoughts whirl and I can’t rest. Thought of putting the radio on for quiet or white noise, but I can never retune the thing and if I have it on low my instinct is to struggle to hear the news. Plus my sleep aponea mask sometimes hisses in my face. I’ve had a new mask but the hose connecting it to the machine is the wrong size and sometimes disconnects if I turn over in bed. Sorry to moan…
I must have been tired last night, I didn’t wake up till after two pm this afternoon. I hadn’t slept the night before and it feels like I’m getting no sleep one night and then a decent night the day after. Strategies for trying to sleep, like relaxation, meditation, deep breathing and other techniques don’t seem to work. I think we need a new bed, ours is over twenty five years old and very lumpy. I’ve folded up sheets to stop the springs sticking in me! It’s also a problem with pain. My toes hurt due to gout and having the sheets resting on them is uncomfortable to say the least, so I toss and turn all night and get up too exhausted to stay awake in the day! But I’m going to try and get a new bed maybe…. In any case I must stop moaning about things! I hate insomnia.
I was upstairs in bed after a totally sleepless night when my mobile rang. I couldn’t get downstairs in time to answer it, so I checked the number, which was local, so I rang it, but there was an automated answer saying the phone line didn’t take incoming calls. It was from a firm I know, but didn’t say anything except I should contact them (no phone number to ring back on, no message left) annoying but these things happen. But as I went back upstairs the land-line rang. I couldn’t get back down in time. It was the same number. Missed it again. So I’ve stayed up for two hours incase they ring back, but I have no idea who to contact (it’s a very big firm), no information because they didn’t have the courtesy to leave a message and if they have my numbers then they must have my email address too, but no one has tried to contact me on that. I could literally swear! This is not good customer service.
Late at night
Cats sleep and I can’t
I almost slept
Then a cat crept
Onto the bed
Laid down on my leg
My leg went to sleep
But I didn’t
Shook off the cat
And came and sat
On my armchair
With a cup of decaff
And a cracker with cheese
I’m really not pleased
Cheesed off in fact
I might try and nap
With a cat on my lap
Or go back to bed
As the dawn breaks red
Another night of cat naps fled…
Unexpected item in the freezer area..
The ice cream is defrosting
Icebergs float past
My glacier is shrinking
Mussels in an icy glaze are thawing
I’ve deleted my icecubes
The TV is not drowning the beeping
In fact the ice water might flood
With teeny tiny icebergs
Floating past…and me
My heart is frozen stone
My dreams destroyed by BLEEPing!
But only a first world problem….
I lie down and I start to cough, I sit up and it stops, it’s so tiring having this chest infection. It’s a nuisance. I’m feeling a bit better now, but the more it lingers the more it feels like I will never get over it. I fall asleep on my chair in the day, too tired to go out and do anything. I can manage cooking as long as I sit down after I’ve prepared things and let the food simmer. Last night I read a book I’ve almost finished till four am, then I lay down and started to cough. My legs and feet ache. I can’t get comfortable. I also managed to drag my CPAP machine off its shelf as I turned over in bed. It clattered to the floor, still pumping air. I hate it, but it keeps me breathing at night. It’s almost eight am now and I’m sipping a decaff coffee trying to keep my fluid levels up. I’ll probably try and sleep again later but give up by midday. My sleep pattern is awful and no doubt tonight I will sleep more heavily. I can feel my eyes aching in their sockets! Sleep please come.
Don’t you know I want to sleep. But my feet hurt and my legs ache and twitch. My shoulder and arm shakes. I have to wear a breathing mask. Then just when I get comfortable the snoring starts! I do love him, my hubby, but he also will put a hand on my shoulder and weigh me down. Really heavy handed. It’s almost four in the morning and I’ve been downstairs getting a warm drink. So I’ve got my phone. Mistake. But he unplugged the alarm this morning and I’m not sure if I’ve set it right, so I need to use my phone alarm incase it doesn’t go off. Three hours till I have to get up. Now it’s make me a cup of tea love? Oh I give up.
Mallaband-Brown