Tag: Fun

Alien visitor

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WHAT Time Is The Next Train Due in? The creature barked out the words to a startled passenger. WHAT Time is it due? Its strange tinny voice was demanding.

Er? Have you looked at the time table? The man on the platform asked. He started looking for a way out. The pepper shaker shaped creature was waving what looked like a sink plunger at him with some menace. The other thin arm looked even more worrying.

WHAT TIME IS THE NEXT TRAIN? The voice was getting louder and angrier, the man cowered in a corner behind an advertising hoarding for “cool menthol” cigarettes.

Just then a 2.6.0 standard steam train pulled into the station. Taking a quick decision the man ran across the platform and wrenched open the door to the third class carriage and leapt aboard.

The creature trundled over to a first class carriage. Its tiny eye on a stick looked up and down, it saw the step up to the door. It noticed the door handle. No way to grip it with its too large suction cup. The train started to move, the creature (a Dalek) tried to follow, but the train sped up and left the Dalek floundering in its steamy wake…..

Titchy play: Monster

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I wrote three little plays for the Titchy Theatre yesterday.  They were read out at the show. I will post them here one a day.

Monster (tourist to reporter – look south or some such channel)

Reporter : so where did you see it?

Tourist : down by the quay, you know, the harbour?

R: and was it big?

T: well… It was as big as a boat, no… A ship

R: what did it look like?

T: er…. It had glowing all over it

R: what sort of lights?

T: Well… Yellow-ish. Like Glowing yellow eyes, and I think it had huge teeth too!

R: why?

T: it seemed to have a grill or something over its mouth, but you could see light shining through… You know… Glowing like an alien?

R: did it make a noise?

T: yes, a very low humming, and a metallic, clanking noise.

R: so…. how do you feel?

T: very scared. I’ve never seen anything like it before

R: can I ask you where you’re from?

T: oh yes. Stoke-on-Trent

R: so … Have you ever been to the seaside before?

T: oh yeah. You know, magaluf, Malaga, Ibetha.

R: and there was nothing like this there?

T: No… Just always sunny, and at night we went off and partied… The other thing I remember is this long wailing noise! I mean, it was foggy, so I could only sense the looming figure  the Monster…. .!!

R: OK. Well…. We checked with the Coast Guard… .

T: Yeah??

R: the wailing noise was from the lighthouse foghorn.

T: Oh

R: And the big, dark, lit-up ship thing.

T: Yes?

R: Was a car ferry…….

Christine Mallaband-Brown

 

Waiting

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Waiting, it’s like watching paint dry.

The time goes on and the paint shrinks slightly, maybe wrinkles as the water evaporates.

I’m sitting with my phone waiting for a call, hoping that it will ring soon….

Still waiting, another hour gone.

Still waiting, the paint is half dried, now it’s tacky…

Oh what can I do while I’m waiting? I can’t go out, because I need to be here when it happens. I will ring the number….

Oh no! No answer! Are they on their way? Not answering because they are driving? Where are they coming from. Is there traffic? Are there traffic jams?

Waiting…. Time trickles through the hourglass faster and slower. The paint is almost dry. The fine grain of the brush strokes smoothing out.

A call! We are on our way, but, (there is always a ‘but’) there is a major accident….. On the motorway….. Grid lock….. Have to change our eta…. Etc….

The paint is cracking and peeling…. They never arrived. Now I’m waiting again for someone new 😕

Titchy theatre

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Today we went to the Harpers Titchy Theatreup at the village hall. We went to listen to short plays written by about 17 people (including my partner and myself). The stories were varied and ranged from subjects about flying a plane to Lancashire in 1963. The name was chosen for a gentleman who passed away last year.

The idea was to write on about two pages of a4 paper. A play or poem to be read by up to 3 or 4 people.

My stories were about monsters and overhearing a conversation. My partners was about childhood memories.

I don’t have the originals because they were hand written and had to be typed up. When I get them back I will copy them to this site.

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Kittens

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Two years ago we had four tiny kittens, only a few weeks old, eyes barely open.

So cute…. a few weeks later they were climbing the curtains and up the wood chip wallpaper in the front bedroom. Sneaking downstairs (they were born in the front bedroom). Climbing up inside my trouser legs (ouch). Playing with string, cat toys, a plastic ball with bells in. As their teeth grew they enjoyed charing each other and nipping and pawing waving tails.

The joy of kittens. Unfortunately they grow into full size cats…. But all four  went to good homes. Two boys to one home, two girls to another house. All of them are happy and healthy.

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Cat yoga

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I sometimes think yoga should be a cat thing, they seem to be able to move so flexibly, instead of the downward dog you would have the crouching cat. Or the rear leg stretch.

I don’t know about a cat litter squat though!

But that thing when they fall and flip over so they land on all four feet is amazing!

When they run at fast speeds around the room they can leap and turn like lightening. I would take a photo but they move to fast, paws up, back bent into incredible curves.

Jumping and flipping over, landing on their backs with a fierce growl or a gentle purr…..

Talking

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The world is full of words

Talk is cheap

Grey green gold gossip

Muddy, murky muttering

Sharp staccato shouting.

Pink pretty pouting purring,

Cracked cramped cackles.

Light lilting, laughing lullabies…

Singing or sonorous sound scapes

Violent verbosity

Quiet qualities of queen’s English.

Extravagant evangelising.

Whispered wailing.

Yes words are cheap and cheerful or cheerless.

 

Ow my legs

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Ow my legs! Our female cat loves sharpening her claws on my legs, she sticks her claws in my trousers and then arches her back and pulls down. Sometimes she gets flesh too. I found blood trickling down my leg earlier on today. I love her to pieces but as soon as I realise she’s doing it I have to brush her away.

She rushes round and plays all the time. She fights with our boy cat but only in play, she puts a paw on his head or he puts a paw on hers and then she pushes him away with her back legs. One thing neither if them do is the strong fast kicking movement so neither of them get hurt. And they only nip each other, there is no going for the scruff of their necks. Basically it’s like slow motion wrestling followed by fast chasing.

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