Can’t sleep again….

No I’m not waiting for Santa, that’s tomorrow night. I’m just tired out, too tired to sleep, the bedding on my bed is too heavy and presses on my feet. These old legs ache at the knees, so when I turn over they hurt. My hips are starting to hurt too. If I had the money I might treat myself to a reclining chair? But then I worry the cats would get in the mechanism. Oh dear, possibly squashed kitty! I struggle to get up   from the bed, I think my arms are not as strong and it pulls on my back as I try to fling my legs out to combat my upper body weight. I’m currently exposing myself to decaffeinated coffee to restore my fluid levels but attempting not to take a stimulant (but as you can see from my writing I’m fully awake). Why do brains do this (keep you awake with plans, worries, anxieties, also hearing my heartbeat and the traffic noise outside, even the cats snore!).

Tonight will soon be this morning, 7am, maybe I should tire myself out with a bit of housework? My coffee is getting cold. Good morning.

Again

Comes to something when you are so tired after “another sleepless night”, that you end up doodling about it. At almost 6am.

I used my Artrage app to do it and the various brushes to get different looks. I didn’t blur anything together so it looks quite graphic/illustrative. I’m please the blue stands out against the flood filled black.

Why  am I awake? Aches, tremors, too hot or cold, also hungry as I missed a few meals with a stomach bug. Urgh.

I struggle

What brings you peace?

Last night I wanted a peaceful night’s sleep. I was tired and it was hot. I don’t sleep well these days

I tried to do some relaxation techniques but they didn’t work. I tried listening to the radio on low, but no use. Then I came downstairs and put the TV on quietly. Sometimes that works. Finally I found an app that plays the sound of waves, with video up to 11 hours. It promised peace and rest. I must have had it on too loud, I listened for a couple of hours. The only thing that happened was that I nodded off for a few minutes, then the cat jumped on the bed and woke me up again. Argh! Finally I came downstairs again and fell asleep in exhaustion.

Phone alarm

Somewhere downstairs my sisters phone alarm is going off. She must still be asleep, but the high pitched tinkling music woke me up and my cats too! I am quite a light sleeper and I have good hearing which doesn’t help. Then on this grey and tinkly morning one of my cats has decided to tunnel down the bed next to me and stick her claws in my knees in order to get a bit of love. Chin and belly rub over she leaps back out of bed. Now I’m awake so I decided to let you know. Perhaps your phone will tinkle or beep and wake you up? X Morning X

Slept

Poppy painting, makes me think of sleep, soporific, ancient remedy. Beautiful but dangerous. Trying to channel art nouveau I guess.

Last night I wished I could sleep, all my strategies, thinking of healing, trying to relax, counting backwards,, none of them worked. So I got up after my sleepless night then went out and sang at choir. I could feel the tiredness spreading through me. This afternoon was hard, I was trying to arrange the paintings for the exhibition I’m holding. I feel like I’m having to rely more and more on others and I want my independence.

When I got home I had a bit of tea, but then whoosh! The sleep came without trying. It meant I missed this evenings choir practice, so I felt guilty, I just hope I can sleep tonight. X

Sleepless in Stoke

I need one if those old fashioned ‘intermission’ films they used to show between films at a Saturday matinee at the cinema to relax my mind. Gentle music and the sight of a potters wheel twirling might help me to sleep. I’ve forgotten the various little strategies I use to try and fall asleep. Pain and discomfort have held my mind up like a theif of sleep. Haunting me in the night. A few, drowsy thoughts and I’m awake again, sometimes disturbed by a heartbeat out of turn or the patter of cats paws. I have things to do today and I didn’t  want to be tired. 6am…..goodnight, I will try counting sheep