Tag: Thinking

Appointment

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Eek, I now have an appointment to see what’s wrong with me and I’m scared. I don’t know what to expect or what treatment I’m going to be offered. My world has been spinning now for a couple of years, so I guess resolving it is a good idea, but my anxiety levels are skyrocketing.

Trying to say calm, repeating the word calm in my mind, trying to relax, stomach is churning though. My shaking has suddenly got worse, I feel like I’m a twisting pretzel or Staffordshire knot, I don’t know how to slacken the pressure.

Standing on the edge of a precipice wondering if I will fall or fly. I think this is just going to be a talk about results, but I really am not sure if I can cope.

Sleepless in Stoke

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I need one if those old fashioned ‘intermission’ films they used to show between films at a Saturday matinee at the cinema to relax my mind. Gentle music and the sight of a potters wheel twirling might help me to sleep. I’ve forgotten the various little strategies I use to try and fall asleep. Pain and discomfort have held my mind up like a theif of sleep. Haunting me in the night. A few, drowsy thoughts and I’m awake again, sometimes disturbed by a heartbeat out of turn or the patter of cats paws. I have things to do today and I didn’t  want to be tired. 6am…..goodnight, I will try counting sheep

I don’t know an answer

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If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

What possible word could be banned? What language would it be in? Would it be an old word or new? Could it be a profanity or a religious word?

The question what word would you ban from general usage is impossible if I were to make the choice. Thinking about so many words that I hate or dispise gets me nowhere. Words that are political, or hate filled may have a use in describing a group or a situation. Remove the word and you remove the significance of it. Like editing out a person from a photo, you don’t remove the existence of them. You just try and hide a secret that should be left visible.

And again, what language is it in? I only speak and write English, but is the word German, or Swahili, Moroccan, Portuguese? What right do I have to chose? I say again, this is impossible.

I’m sure certain words do spring to mind. Perhaps we should consider using different words instead, not putting a blanket ban on it but considering a substitute.

What do you think?

Diagnosis

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I’m not saying what I’ve got, but I’ve been waiting for a follow up appointment for two years. So this isn’t a recent thing.

I was told last time that I didn’t have something, now I’m told I have. Basically my previous symptoms, we’re not bad enough for a decision and delays in appointments have meant it’s taken two years for a proper diagnosis. To be honest I felt relief because I can take tablets for it. Hopefully that will alleviate my symptoms.

Now I’m waiting for some other test results about something else. I feel like I’m playing illness top trumps! (a card game).

Mossy peeling paint

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A miniature forest? No, moss and peeling paint on a windowledge at Spode Site, Elanora street, Stoke today. I like the look of it, but when I think of the deterioration to the buildings I realise they must be crumbling inside and out.

I took quite a few photos today, some of them seriously boring! I’m not sure how I will use them. There is a boring men Facebook page I think? I don’t know if I could post them there or if I want to. I might just post them to the peeling paint appreciation society and the moss appreciation society pages!

Patriotic?

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Are you patriotic? What does being patriotic mean to you?

I think I am patriotic, but not in a strong way. I disagree with acting in a xenophobic way. I think arguing that one race should rule one country isn’t right. I believe there is good and bad in all people’s and countries. Also there should be fairness to all. Attacking people because they are different is not a good thing to do.

Think about it, humans draw borders on maps, lines in the sand, rivers that seperate one place from another. But when you look at where humans came from in Africa, and how they spread out across the Earth, there was always movement. People gradually changed depending on the climate and amount of sunlight. In hotter countries skin colour was darker to protect skin. In Northern climbs lighter because of the lack of sun. I know it doesn’t completely fit that pattern, but I guess through evolution other changes occurred.

Once there is a slight difference in appearance or language it’s easy to get into an ‘us or them’ situation. We have probably always warred but I think its time the human race grew up. Learnt to be tolerant and fought for fairness not patriotic excuses such as invading neighbouring countries. Race, religion, money, fear can all cause problems, but sometimes strong patriotism can make it much worse.

Make tax avoidance illegal

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If you had the power to change one law, what would it be and why?

Many people use loopholes in the law to avoid paying taxes. By moving their funds offshore for instance or using accountants to hide their money, and filing tax returns with lots of expenses included so their tax charge is reduced. In this way poorer people on income tax, paying as they earn, can pay a higher proportion of their income in taxes than those who are richer than them.

Avoidance is legal, evasion is not. Quote:

Tax avoidance is the legitimate exploitation of tax loopholes to reduce the individual or business’ tax liability whereas tax evasion is the illegal evasion of taxes properly due.

So why do we allow this? Especially the most egregious examples of avoidance? Yes, there should be legitimate reasons to cover normal expenses, but surely we could cut down on loopholes. Maybe every country could have the same tax rates, so no one can get away with it. I understand some countries offer lower taxes to increase their income, but there might be other ways of doing this. I think it would be difficult but not impossible?

It can’t be right that about 80 men have more wealth when its added up than half the world’s population. In other words 80 people have about the same as 4,000,000,000 people! Once you look at it that way it’s not really fair is it?

Digital rose drawing

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I used to draw at a website called Sketchfu before it closed. It had simple tools to draw with, no complicated applets, and consequently it was open to a large number of people.

Eventually it became a massive site and the owners lost interest in it. I was a moderator and had to deal with a lot of problems over the years I was there. I won’t go into details but it included bullying and inappropriate language and messages. There were a few of us that were allowed to remove inappropriate content but it was hard work. (I also moderated another site but did not disclose my role). When someone draws the same rude or racist image over, and over again for hours, but you are there deleting them as they appear, they eventually get fed up and stop. But if you admit you are a moderator you get a lot of stick, so I kept quiet. At one stage I was working in a full time job and coming home and doing four or five hours moderating!

Anyway I loved creating digital drawings, including portraits. I loved doing challenges. Someone would post a photo and we had to try and copy it. I’ve just found some of my old pieces so I might post a few of them over the next few days.

Beautiful girl

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The sweetest girl at just came to sit next to me. She’s now on the back of my chair keeping warm above the radiator.

I’m fed up of grey days and early sunsets, drizzling rain and sadness. I think about writing gratitudes again. I have health worries that I need investigating. I need to stop hiding in the house, but sometimes it’s easier to stay inside. BUT at least I have my sweet cats for company. They are companion animals. They help.