Down

Posted on July 2, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged ambulance, Down, funeral, Life, Memory, Penkhull, Police, Shattered, Thinking, Time, Up, will2 Comments

People aren’t around, and if they were I don’t want to bother them. Some memories have been arriving on my Facebook page and I remembered what fun I was having ten years ago. People were there then, a group who worked together. Work was OK, life was satisfying.

Now? I feel shattered, broken, I’ve caught myself crying a few times. I’ve got things planned for later on, so I hope I’ll be OK. Life is up and down at the moment. I’m sharing this here because it’s better to get things off your chest. I need to unstick myself and stop thinking about things. But worries assert themselves.

This was triggered by adverts for funeral plans and wills on the TV and seeing seven or eight police cars and an ambulance up the hill last night. What happened? Are people OK? Nothing in the news, but anxiety bites again.

Thai meal

Posted on June 30, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged beansprouts, Food, Life, Memorial, Memory, Noodles, Restaurant, Thai food, Time2 Comments

Noodles and beansprouts in a spicy sauce with dim sum.?

Enjoyed a lovely meal with a friend. The first time I’ve been to the Thai restaurant since my hubby passed away in December. We didn’t stay very long because memories hurt and I just felt a bit overwhelmed by them. The owner of the restaurant had found a drawing I had done of my hubby when we were there a few years ago. She got it out and put a glass of lager next to it as a sort of memorial. X

Allez! Allez!

Posted on June 30, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Age, Cycling, Disease, Hubby, Loss, Memory, Race, Sadness, Tour de France2 Comments

Last year I watched the tour de France with my hubby. This year, for the first time in about 20 years I’m watching it on my own. It feels strange, no point in cheering on our favourites, no discussion about how Mark Cavendish will do. Just muttering ‘you would have loved this’ to his memory. I could switch it off, but I don’t want to. Tears will fall. I only got into cycling because of hubby. I miss him so much. He would be out cycling after this, a short ride to keep his legs going. He was over 70 and still enthusiastic. 70 isn’t old, he was young at heart. Disease not age took him from me. 😢😢

Four years ago

Posted on June 29, 2024 Posted in Fine Art, Memories, UncategorizedTagged Acrylic on canvas, Artists block, Canvases, Kingfisher, Life, Memory, Miniatures, Paintings1 Comment

I had just gone through an artists block. Sometimes I can’t paint, I come to a standstill. I don’t think what I was painting was that good, but I’m sure I felt better being able to pick up a paintbrush.

Since then my painting work has been up and down. I don’t always feel up to painting, and various stuff makes it more difficult. Painting isn’t just a physical ability, it’s a mental one as well. Both of those things are affecting me. Life sometimes gets in the way of intention. But I don’t give up. I will probably carry on somehow till the day I die. Art is my imperative in life.

Yes but not telling

Posted on June 29, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1984, Life, Memory, Prompt, Surgery, Talking, telling, ThinkingLeave a comment

Have you ever had surgery? What for?

Why should I share this information? Can I trust the person who is asking? Or the people who are reading this blog?… Sometimes we share too much information. It’s too easy to trust everyone on the Internet. And yet I wouldn’t tell people in the street my life story, my insurance details, if I’ve ever been in hospital. True I do share some information but as far as I can tell it’s of little use to others. I appreciate that it’s good to talk about your life, but I think you shouldn’t go too far.

Someone will be out there looking at your details putting two and two together, finding out about me. Well I’d rather not be too informative, I don’t think it’s a good idea.

Trentham

Posted on June 27, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Hubby, Memory, Sleep, Staffordshire, Stoke-on trent, Tired, Trentham GardensLeave a comment

A year ago I went to Trentham Gardens in Stoke-on-Trent with hubby and a photo of us popped up on my Facebook memories yesterday. So I decided to go with a friend today. I felt so sad and very tired to begin with, but as I walked with my friend I started to feel better. But I am so tired now. I can’t walk as far as I used to. I’m shattered. But I’m so glad I went. Took lots of pictures to make new memories. But I need to try and get some sleep now.

Lobster thermidore

Posted on June 26, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Cheese, Cookery, dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1981, Food, Lobster, lobster thermidore, Memory, WineLeave a comment

What’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever eaten?

I once went for a meal and decided to try Lobster thermidore. It was cooked with a mild cheese and wine sauce.

I don’t know how it was cooked, it was a special treat, but I’m glad I tried it.

I think its 15 to 20 years since I tried it but I still remember it. It was tasty and rich. But I wouldn’t be able to afford it now.

I guess, anything could be delicious if you have not had it before. If you don’t have money or resources you may never get to eat anything than the basic food, that you eat everyday if you are lucky. I’m not sure if I would eat it again now I think about their situation.

Stuck

Posted on June 26, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged belongings, Healing, holding on, Life, Memory, organised, Six months, Stuck, Stuff, TimeLeave a comment

Six months after he died and I’m still stuck. It’s hard to move things, clear them away. I feel like I’m walking through treacle. I’ve got too much stuff, mine and his. I’m still holding tight to things.

Can I donate to charity? Or sell things? Or bin things? But I’m still attached. I can’t do anything but look at things, I rarely move any of it. My mind is fused into a lump of static thoughts, unable to move on.

Maybe I’m overdramaticising the situation? I don’t know, but I think it might take years to get sorted out. I’ve done a lot of the legal stuff and paperwork, but forty years of belongings, especially when you have been with someone for so long, are hard to organise.

Green woman wip

Posted on June 22, 2024June 23, 2024 Posted in Fine Art, Memories, UncategorizedTagged Acrylic on canvas, Art, Fine Art, Green woman, Life, Memory, Painting, Work in progress2 Comments

My painting of a green woman is coming on. I did some more today. I’m adding more metallic colours, to bring out the sheen on the leaves. Also I want to improve the background of the image. Hopefully it will feel more coherent when it is finished. Acrylic on canvas.

Esther’s phobia prompt

Posted on June 21, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged airport, ducking, Esther Chilton prompt, Flying, jet, Memory, no, phobia, Plane, Scared, Travel, turbulenceLeave a comment

Esther Chilton has a weekly prompt on her blog giving an idea to post a comment to. This week’s was PHOBIA.

Here’s my response:

My phobia is flying. I just won’t. Most of my family fly occasionally but I just can’t face it. For years my hubby wanted me to go to a local airport to see jets taking off and landing, but just seeing planes coming over a major road towards the airport was scary. The urge to duck was immense. Big metal tubes with wings, no I just can’t.
I like spiders and snakes. I’ll visit aquaria and watch sharks. I’ve been on boats and trains, I can cope in a car, mainly if I’m driving. But the thought of nothing underneath me except air… Even if there were no windows, so I couldn’t see out and know I was in the air, and if there was no turbulence. I just am too afraid!

Mallaband-Brown

Tag: Memory