I’m starting to

Do you believe in fate/destiny?

Which way do the dice fall for you? Can you control your fate or is it out of your hands? I’ve always thought I have some control, some freedom of thought. I don’t know any more.

Am I fated to end my life cast away on a desert island, or skydiving on a Sunday afternoon? No chance, they are just random thoughts. But I can sometimes see a pathway I don’t like. I will fight against that.

Destiny? A destination that is foretold or preordained? Like a Princess who is destined to become a Queen. Maybe that is what my destiny will be… To be a rich and famous artist? Nah!

I don’t have one

Do you enjoy your job?

I gave up work to look after my hubby and try and set up as an artist. Sadly circumstances mean that he is no longer here and I don’t have the possibility of keeping my artists studio.

I won’t stop painting though, creativity is my reason for living. Despite health issues I cannot give it up. So I suppose really I do have a job, but it’s very much part time. I will still accept commissions and do my best to produce quality art work. I hope I continue long into the future, drawing on these recent events to produce new art.

Decay

Some of the buildings on the old Spode works site continue to deteriorate while others next to them are being restored and reused.

My fear is that some, like this one, could literally crumble before they get any work on them.

Time moves on, plans have been made and then stopped because they did not fit in well with both the historical significance of Spode works and the surrounding town. The traffic management needs considering too. Meanwhile the buildings need protection and rebuilding.

Too many historical and unique buildings in the city of Stoke-on-Trent have disappeared recently. Destroyed because of disrepair or fire or vandalism. The industrial archeology of the city needs saving. Otherwise we will end up with warehouses or generic apartment buildings and lose our history.

Where Manchester used old Mills to create  loft spaces and apartments, we seem hell bent on hollowing out our citys history.

Leaving school

Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to.

When I left school all those years ago I remember feeling like I was falling off a cliff. Hard to change my life.

Everything had been about learning, getting up every day, going to classes, coming home, doing homework. Trying to make the switch to ‘real life’ was a shock. I knew the times I worked would be different, but I got a couple of part time jobs cleaning and waitressing so I was not free to enjoy weekends or evenings anymore. This got worse as I went to college in the following autumn so I was trying to fit in my college work and my jobs and trying to get some work life balance.

I managed the change in my life OK after a few months but strangely it was hard to say goodbye to. I was still with my family and friends. The next year I left home. That was the real shock to my system.

Singing cheers me up

I was at choir practice yesterday and today. It cheered me up. I have to say I feel much better when I do go. I believe it helps to release endorphins in your brain? I know that when I’m feeling really down it helps so much. I would suggest if you can join a choir do it! A lot of choirs don’t have auditions, and are taught be repetition of the musical phrases rather than using sheet music. That’s how we are taught, the choir master sings a line and we repeat it. Gradually building up the song. We sometimes have the words printed off phonetically. We’ve learnt French, Zulu, Maori, Spanish, Bulgarian and many other languages learning that way.

I know this is a bit random, but I think its a great way af helping your mental health and also a good way of socialising.

Snowdrops

I went with a friend to Rode Hall today to take a look at the snowdrop walk, an annual event where people can walk round and see snowdrops growing by the lake and in the woods. Sadly we are at the end of the snowdrop season so a lot of them have finished flowering. But it was good to get out.

I’ve been hiding away recently. I don’t like driving very far as my health has deteriorated. But going out with a friend made me feel safer. I hung onto her on the slippy muddy bits. I feel like I’m teetering forward all the time. My balance is off, but I managed to bend down and take a photo of the snowdrops (galanthus ?) I know Rode Hall has lots of varieties of snowdrops and snowbells?

I got home and fell asleep, I was so tired, but I’m glad I went. Spring is on its way.

Rode Hall is off the A34 Road near Scholar Green in Staffordshire.

Health issues

What is the biggest challenge you will face in the next six months?

Imagine being ill already and finding out something else is wrong with you (it’s only taken two years). I’m also waiting for some results about another illness. I hope I will be OK but it’s certainly a challenge.

But I live in a country where health care is funded and mostly free if you can get an appointment. If I can get the medication I need I hope I will be alright. I just hope the health service does not deteriorate further.

Things may change. Politics may change, hopefully for the better and mean that care and health may once more become important. I certainly hope so.

Too much has gone to the richest in society. We were told ‘trickle down’ would happen so the poorest would get a few crumbs of concellation. Also that ‘levelling up’ would help, where towns and cities have to bid for dwindling resources. I guess my health depends on my nation….

Diagnosis

I’m not saying what I’ve got, but I’ve been waiting for a follow up appointment for two years. So this isn’t a recent thing.

I was told last time that I didn’t have something, now I’m told I have. Basically my previous symptoms, we’re not bad enough for a decision and delays in appointments have meant it’s taken two years for a proper diagnosis. To be honest I felt relief because I can take tablets for it. Hopefully that will alleviate my symptoms.

Now I’m waiting for some other test results about something else. I feel like I’m playing illness top trumps! (a card game).

2018 drawing

Smallest house in Great Britain, in Wales, is it in Caernarfon? (I’ve just been told its actually in Conway) If I remember it’s one up one down. If you spread your arms out it’s only just a bit wider than them (it’s smaller on the inside). I remember there was a woman called Carole dressed in Welsh traditional costume standing outside. We went in (squeezed in) and were amazed at how small it is.

I wouldn’t be surprised if some flats in big cities are actually smaller than this, although I don’t remember seeing a bathroom in it. It’s on the seafront between the castle and a bigger building than it if I remember correctly. It might be worth Googling it if you are interested. I didn’t realise how long ago it was that we visited it, hence the hazy memories.

Floating

I used to do a lot of collages like this. I just looked back and saw this. Blue sky and wispy clouds with an old building suspended in the sky. I think I might try and do a few more if the rain ever stops! Grey skies and lack of sunshine makes me a dull woman. I need to try and do more art and experiment more. I don’t want to come to a stop. I hope when the sunlight comes back I feel more bright myself.