Do not go gentle

My hubby was born in the year that Welsh poet Dylan Thomas died and he was always admiring of Dylans poetry. Hubby had a wonderfully strong speaking voice, and I know there are cassette tapes somewhere in the house of him reciting Dylans poetry and short stories.

When we first met he played me “the burning baby”, a macabre story by Thomas that sent shivers down my back and raised goosebumps on my arms. It was mesmerising to listen to hubby read it, and he howled at the end with gusto. I think he should have been on the radio as a performer.

I just came in from shopping and suddenly the poem “Do not go gentle” by Dylan Thomas came into my memory. I’ve looked it up and copied it. It was read out by a friend at my hubbies celebration of his life. He had always loved it and I hope he would have been pleased that it was performed.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

If you can, try and listen to a recording of Dylan Thomas reading it. X

End of the rainbow

I just read a post on Facebook about a rainbow and it bought back memories from the 1980s.

I was outside on a sunny day when dark clouds piled up as a shower passed by. I noticed a rainbow forming and unbelievably the end came down just up the street from where I was, about fifty yards away. I walked forward and it moved away. I tried jogging, but it kept the same distance away, then gradually faded as the sunlight was blocked by clouds behind me. I really think this is a real memory, not imagined…

Down

People aren’t around, and if they were I don’t want to bother them. Some memories have been arriving on my Facebook page and I remembered what fun I was having ten years ago. People were there then, a group who worked together. Work was OK, life was satisfying.

Now? I feel shattered, broken, I’ve caught myself crying a few times. I’ve got things planned for later on, so I hope I’ll be OK. Life is up and down at the moment. I’m sharing this here because it’s better to get things off your chest. I need to unstick myself and stop thinking about things. But worries assert themselves.

This was triggered by adverts for funeral plans and wills on the TV and seeing seven or eight police cars and an ambulance up the hill last night. What happened? Are people OK? Nothing in the news, but anxiety bites again.

Penkhull Mystery Plays

Ten years ago, three horseheads of the apocalypse!

Up until Covid we were merrily holding Mystery Plays almost every July. We had a fallow year where we did other things, but the central play was missing. But now a group of residents are working towards a 20th anniversary performance in 2025.

So on Saturday 6th July 2024 we are holding a Titchy Theatre fundraising event to try and enthuse people to get involved for next year. The event will be in Penkhull Village Hall from 12.30 to 2.30pm.

We had fun creating props from willow withies and paper and glue. The horses were based on Picasso style ideas.

Thai meal

Noodles and beansprouts in a spicy sauce with dim sum.?

Enjoyed a lovely meal with a friend. The first time I’ve been to the Thai restaurant since my hubby passed away in December. We didn’t stay very long because memories hurt and I just felt a bit overwhelmed by them. The owner of the restaurant had found a drawing I had done of my hubby when we were there a few years ago. She got it out and put a glass of lager next to it as a sort of memorial. X

Tired again

I made a mistake last night and decided to watch the Presidential debate. It started at 2am and I went to bed at 4.30am totally dejected by the whole thing.

What they talked about has no doubt been reported across the world. But as a person interested in politics it was in turn worrying and unbelievable! It was like two boys squabbling, one a big bully and the other a child with illnesses that made him weak. I’d hate to be their parents. Two moderators tried to keep control, but never chastised the bully or called out the constant lies. In fact I’d call one of the speakers a spoilt brat!

Why run politics this way? Too much power and pressure in the hands of one man. There must be other ways to do it. I know of one country that chooses a random citizen once a year in a type of raffle? You have to be a decent, healthy person, but then your job is to work hard for your country. There must be some guidelines but no one gets absolute power. Is that a good idea?

Stuck

Not My house.

Six months after he died and I’m still stuck. It’s hard to move things, clear them away. I feel like I’m walking through treacle. I’ve got too much stuff, mine and his. I’m still holding tight to things.

Can I donate to charity? Or sell things? Or bin things? But I’m still attached. I can’t do anything but look at things, I rarely move any of it. My mind is fused into a lump of static thoughts, unable to move on.

Maybe I’m overdramaticising the situation? I don’t know, but I think it might take years to get sorted out. I’ve done a lot of the legal stuff and paperwork, but forty years of belongings, especially when you have been with someone for so long, are hard to organise.

Esther’s prompt Home

Esther Chiltons weekly prompt was Home.

I’ve posted this to her blog page:

Home
I hear the accent of a fellow midlander and I’m home again. There’s a twang, a sound that I recognise. I tentatively ask them if they will say where they are from. Usually I get a friendly response. Then we discuss where we come from. Either the same town or close by. Memories of town centres, historic areas, parks and zoos. So many things have changed. But hearing a friendly voice takes me back over 40 years to when I left. I can’t go back, my family has all left, homes sold. Only a couple of relatives and friends left and I can’t drive far so it’s out of the question to go. But I’d like to drive down on a nostalgic trip. Some negotiation with friends required as I couldn’t get on a train on my own I don’t think. Anxiety is not a good friend.