Tag: Thinking

Give peace a chance

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If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say?

When I searched for “dove of peace by Picasso” in the WordPress image search engine this was one of the pictures I got!

If a search engine can’t find an image of a dove of peace what chance have we got? There were pictures of a woman with sun tan lotion under her eyes? A sunset, clouds, a possible white wing with feathers. I guess I should do my own version but it’s late and I just wanted to write this.

Symbological images are important. An image of a white dove is, I would guess, almost universally understood as meaning peace. White doves are released at sporting events. They are clean and innocent looking (why don’t they use black doves too?), in some ways it could be stereotyping white to equal good? But I’m not seeking to answer that question here.

What we need is not the symbol, but the actuality, where are the people with the moral strength to say enough is enough. Oppression must end, fairness must reign, understanding must come to the fore, eventually instead of collateral damage and bloody mayhem..war must end. We must give peace a chance.

Now

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Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

The past is behind me, I cannot change it. I want to, but it’s twisted up like knots or knitting. Tangled threads that tie everything in place. Nothing can escape again, so I say let it be. Don’t get caught in it’s net and be held back by the past.

The future is out of control without a time machine. Each step of the day splits and shatters into a miriad of gleaming shards. Each action reflects against the next and distorts the future more and more, until the never ending possibilities are too mixed up to see clearly.

So I prefer now. I grip it tightly and try to hang on, like holding a tiger by its tail as it thrashes about. I try and control it as much as I can, I never know if it will slip my grasp and fall apart. But I try.

Cost of living

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Life costs money

The more I think about things the more I wonder how I will manage my finances. My hubby was the main breadwinner, recently I’d given up work to look after him because of his health. We had the cushion of his money coming in over those years and I got used to it. Now? A lot smaller income. Probably a third of what we were getting. Savings will have to be made. I don’t know if I can afford to keep my car. All expensive bills come in January. I’m dreading it. But I think I will cope. If not I will try and get a job.

Almost the end

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Short days, the candle is nearly out. Darkness floats by my eyes as I look into the garden. Cold wind and rain is making it chilly and damp. Memory tugs at my mind, pulling my mouth down at the corners. But I caught myself laughing a couple of times today.

Where will I be at the end of next year? Will I find the safety and solace I seek. Will I manage on my own. Decades of being a couple makes it difficult to predict. I’m trying to explain how I feel about things. I feel like I did when I left school after that being my whole life. The cliff edge is close, my hubby could climb down cliffs while I cowered at the top. I don’t like them. I want to be settled and secure. Oh well, we will see….

That year?

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Share what you know about the year you were born.

The year I was born was a long time ago. I was a baby at the time so I don’t remember much about it. I guess I could look things up on line, because I don’t really have anyone I can ask anymore.

But why do I want to tell you? I’m reticent to share recollections that might be data mined by anyone who happened to read this blog. I try and avoid people phishing my information. And aren’t we all supposed to be cautious about sharing info anyway. Next I will be sharing pet names or favourite foods.

I could tell you the schools I went to, where I was born, which cities I have visited. Some of that is already available on the net when I was younger and more foolish (last week). I can think of lots of information I will share, but not birthdays, or signs of the zodiac or other personal information. Life is short, and I am cautious.

Yes?

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Are you a good judge of character?

How does your brain work? How do you judge a character? If the person is honest it’s quite simple, but if there is dishonesty it’s far more difficult. People can be fooled by kind words. You have to judge people by their actions.

Being suspicious is not a bad character trait, particularly if you are vulnerable. Con merchants can be charming and persuasive, and can take advantage with their scams.

If someone befriends me I am generally cautious, it takes me a while before I get to a point where I can accept them. Once I am I usually hold onto that friendship. I have only ever ended friendships with a few people, and that was because their behaviour was at odds to what I believed they were like. I hated ending the friendship but I’m glad I did.

I am cautious with social media, there is to much flattery and charm out there, and if someone offers me a free lunch…? I think long and hard and then usually won’t accept it.

Missing mystery

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I’m a little perplexed. I’ve been reading a, Brother Cadviael book over the past few nights, to take my mind off things. They are a series of mediaeval murder mysteries that I like. So when I came to bed I thought it would be waiting for me, but it isn’t. I was hot and bothered last night, so it might have fallen on the floor by the bed, but I can’t see it. I also went into the other room this morning but it’s not there either.

Things go missing sometimes, and generally that’s not a problem. I sometimes think there are borrowers in the house ( like the children’s book, with characters called Arrietty and Pod?). But at the moment I just want my book back. It’s out of place, out of possession and position. It’s bugging me. So I’m writing this as another distraction. Mysterious and also frustrating. I guess I will have to give up and go to sleep….

What’s the matter now?

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What’s the matter now? Became a response when my hubby couldn’t hear me properly. He was always having problems with his hearing aids. They made his ears sore. Or if he got his hair trapped they would whistle.

What’s the matter now? Was almost a catchphrase. I dreaded it, it meant he was irritated by me, or something was getting on his nerves.

Decades of living with someone, and you don’t know what will happen. Can you know someone well enough to be able to solve all their problems? Not in a normal life. It’s not all romance, it’s trying to give and take, accept difficulties. Putting doubts out of your mind. The marriage service has it right. The balance between sickness and health. Riches and poverty. Somehow you rub along.

I will be guilty for a long time for feeling I should have done more. To make everything OK? Not a chance, but I can wish. For now I will try and remember the ‘what’s the matter now?’ moments and try to accept that was part of our life too. If there is something after life I hope he forgives me. I don’t know what else to ask for of him. Processing grief is horrible but it has to be done.