I would be healthy

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

I would be happy and healthy.

Looking into another universe…

Another reality, another world, options widen out. I changed my lifestyle and health. A small butterfly flicks it’s wing in 1974 causing an earth tremor in ’89. No cycling at night, no accident. No drinking late into the night in my 20s, no regrets.

Take a job drawing canal landscapes in a different city. Stop being afraid to do more art, maybe I should have not done a long term job over many years that increased my stress levels?

Some of this happened, some didn’t, it depends what reality I have my feet in? Doc Martins and a  punk lifestyle, low heels and a suit, multicoloured, paint splattered happiness?

Yes, changing my mental and physical health would have been my choice.

Shall I leave X?

When a billionaire takes over a social media company what do we expect? Impartiality? Caring? compassion?

Seeing what’s happening recently I am trying to decide whether to leave it. X I mean. Seeing him standing next to the Orange one on a stage is worrying. If he is endorsing right wing politics and banning investigative journalists then how many voices will be silenced? There is also a loss in the value of the company since it was bought by Musk. Doesn’t that indicate it’s changing status?

I’m not a big X/twitter user, I barely have any followers, which does make me wonder why I’m on it. I posted a bit of art and sometimes try and add witty replies, but is anyone even listening? Thinking about it.

Leaving work

Describe one positive change you have made in your life.

It was a drastic decision, but I don’t regret it. Each time I thought I knew my job inside out the management changed things. In that sort of situation you could be doing the right thing one day and the wrong the next. That’s the problem with hierarchy, the top decides and the bottom has to implement rules even if they don’t make sense. And each time the goalposts move it’s not likely to be in your favour.

So I found myself out of work, but not regretting it. I had enough money to live on for a while so I set myself up as an artist. Of course I had grand ideas of sales and building a clientele, but at that stage I really didn’t know that my health would not be good. With that and the pandemic (no I haven’t had covid as yet) I found I really didn’t have a business. But I don’t care, I’m away from the humdrum, I’m not being made miserable by rules I don’t like and don’t want to follow. I have had more freedom to be myself than I ever had during the rest of my life. I guess I’m what they call semi retired. A hobbyist? I’d rather paint than do anything else.

Would I reverse the change? Never. I’ve only been back and seen my colleagues a couple of times. The past is the past, let it be!

Tea time. Hungry

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I usually cook food for both of us. I buy in ingredients and then cook in the late evening. But tonight he doesn’t want food. He’s happy with a sandwich. I can’t think of what to have for my meal. The stuff I’ve got in the fridge are things like tandoori paste and nan bread and basmati rice, but if I eat that there won’t be enough for both of us tomorrow. Then there are wheat biscuits, a cereal, but that’s breakfast food. There is one banana, I might have that and some custard. I might even add a bit of cocoa to cheer it up…. Yes I fancy that. I will use sweetener to keep the sugar levels down..

Weird talking about eating food rather than making up recipes. Anyway I guess I’m hungry.

Today I should be drawing

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It’s windy and sunny today. I should be out in the fresh air drawing with urban sketchers. Instead I’m inside with a runny, snotty nose and head cold.

I could still go out, but I’m tired. I have a friend visiting tomorrow and the house needs tidying.

The cat just came and stretched up and sharpened her claws on my leg (her way of being friendly) ow!

Shall I go or stay? Or just go back to bed….

Get some asprin or paracetamol and decide….. To sleep

I can’t “sell” myself

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I just found out I haven’t been successful in another one of my applications to get my art seen. I just don’t think I know how to sell myself. I suppose each time I get knocked back at least I’m less disappointed. If people don’t like what I do that is not my fault or theirs x. It’s just a case of taste. I’m not going to let it get to me  I shall just try harder next time and try and do better research. Being an artist is not easy, but it’s good to be creative. I won’t give up.