I was looking at a friend’s Facebook page and she talked about how some nights she sleeps well but on others she struggles to sleep at all with lots of thoughts flying around inside her mind.
It reminded me of something I now do. I’m not pretending this is a cure for the problem, but it might help? I wrote a comment about sleeping problems: “I get them a lot, but someone told me to think the word ‘the’ over and over again. It takes your mind off other things, while it is innocuous enough not to prompt other thoughts. It doesn’t always work but it certainly helps.”
It’s interesting that I’ve got so old without anyone sharing advice until this suggestion, except the old idea of counting sheep!
Five hours sleep, that’s not bad for me. I woke up twice in the night, and on the third gave up and got up. I feel so tired, I have things to do, an appointment to keep. Just had breakfast and I’m nodding off… I don’t know how many times I’ve dropped my phone on the floor because it’s slipped out of my hands. I sometimes manage to catch it, but my old phone had a cracked screen because I dropped it so often.
And….. The insomnia has kicked in again! Achey arm, scringing toes, too warm, aching back. Thoughts whirl and I can’t rest. Thought of putting the radio on for quiet or white noise, but I can never retune the thing and if I have it on low my instinct is to struggle to hear the news. Plus my sleep aponea mask sometimes hisses in my face. I’ve had a new mask but the hose connecting it to the machine is the wrong size and sometimes disconnects if I turn over in bed. Sorry to moan…
I must have been tired last night, I didn’t wake up till after two pm this afternoon. I hadn’t slept the night before and it feels like I’m getting no sleep one night and then a decent night the day after. Strategies for trying to sleep, like relaxation, meditation, deep breathing and other techniques don’t seem to work. I think we need a new bed, ours is over twenty five years old and very lumpy. I’ve folded up sheets to stop the springs sticking in me! It’s also a problem with pain. My toes hurt due to gout and having the sheets resting on them is uncomfortable to say the least, so I toss and turn all night and get up too exhausted to stay awake in the day! But I’m going to try and get a new bed maybe…. In any case I must stop moaning about things! I hate insomnia.
It’s another one of those nights. I lie down to sleep but my thoughts churn. I’m too hot, then too cold. I tried reading but hubby wants the light out, then he starts to snore. I came downstairs to get a drink, decaffeinated coffee, what a thrill?! I decided to treat myself to a slice of toast with hummus. Not very exciting. I know that at this rate it will be afternoon before I get up. One of the cats is on the armchair next to me, paw over his nose, keeping the light from the standard lamp out of his eyes. Oh to be a cat, curling up wherever you can. Warmed in a fur coat that is totally ethical. The house creaks at night, it’s old and not very well made. I think of my sister late at night. My chest does ache, but it might just be the cold I’ve had for the last few days. I guess I’ve got to learn to live with the loss. I’m still mourning her. Maybe tomorrow night I’ll get a better night’s sleep.
I finally managed to get to sleep at about 9.30am! Then I slept fitfully till 11am woke up, had a decaff coffee went back to bed and finally got up just before 2pm. What an awful night. I am very tired and I don’t even know if I will be able to get some rest tonight. I don’t want to moan about it. I’ve been in a bad mood today, I’m going to see if I can go to bed early. We will see. Words like shattered, exhausted, insomnia, wrecked, knackered and weary spring to mind.
Sleepless, no dreams to tie my mind down. Only the dull drumming of my pulse in my ear. The ache of a big toe constricted by bed clothes. The air on my face shushing as my CPAP machine quietly stops my palette from collapsing. Aching shoulders gripped with tension. The tiredness continues, but I am awake. I try different ploys, reading by low lamplight until the book thuds to the floor, which generally wakes me up again. Multiple thoughts whirl around my head, they are like several butterflies or fireflies all swirling around. Try and pin one under a finger and another flits off towards the ceiling or the floor. Gouty aches twist my limbs. Was I ever so uncomfortable? I know I need to get up and use the bathroom, stubbornness and the hope of sleeping hold me in place for a few minutes, then I swing my legs out of bed and grapple with my balance before venturing down creaky stairs into the cold. Once again, like on many other nights, I make myself a warm drink to calm the shivers and try and relax. I may stay downstairs for half an hour, waiting for my hubby, who I disturbed, to get back to sleep. Often on returning to bed I put the radio on low on a speech channel, I don’t like music playing, but often I get drawn into a programme, the sound so soft it becomes hard to detect what is being said and my brain tries to decipher the words. At some stage I will either drift into sleep or get up and turn off the radio. Often the dawn is breaking before I finally get any rest. Sometimes I remember to try relaxation techniques. Or repeating the word ‘the’ over and over in my head. Sometimes I even stay downstairs and try and sleep in my armchair. Tonight might be one of those…..
Now I lay me down to sleep, will I find the peace I seek? Last night I slept for two hours, stayed awake for three, then caught two more hours by their shirt tails. Dragged into and out of nervous dreams. Unsatisfied by my minds play and twists. I don’t remember them, but I think the dreams woke me, a flavour or a smell or a shape lifting me from slumber. Spending the day tired and aching. Wonder if I will repeat tonight? I hope not, but I’m overtired and grumpy, aching and yawning!
Mallaband-Brown 