Driving test

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

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When I failed my driving test I learnt from that experience, I learned that an unmarked crossroads should be approached with caution and you should stop to check if anyone else is coming and give way if necessary. Also if the driver next to you drives over a pedestrian crossing on a one way street, don’t assume it’s clear of pedestrians. If someone is about to cross- Stop!

When I did the follow up test my car would not start… It turned out it was an electrical fault. I sat in the drivers seat while people from the test centre had to give me a bump (push) start. The instructor told me to turn right, I indicated left! I apologised, explained the electric problem had flustered me. We started again, me convinced I had failed again.

We did the test, I passed! I was amazed, but I had learnt from the previous test.

Slept

Poppy painting, makes me think of sleep, soporific, ancient remedy. Beautiful but dangerous. Trying to channel art nouveau I guess.

Last night I wished I could sleep, all my strategies, thinking of healing, trying to relax, counting backwards,, none of them worked. So I got up after my sleepless night then went out and sang at choir. I could feel the tiredness spreading through me. This afternoon was hard, I was trying to arrange the paintings for the exhibition I’m holding. I feel like I’m having to rely more and more on others and I want my independence.

When I got home I had a bit of tea, but then whoosh! The sleep came without trying. It meant I missed this evenings choir practice, so I felt guilty, I just hope I can sleep tonight. X

Putting it up

I was at Spode studios today selecting  the images I want hung at my Retrospective exhibition. They are a colourful and eclectic mix. It should be up tomorrow. I’m having a closing evening on Friday when most of the work will be for sale. However a few works that are of my hubby and myself are staying with me.

Sleepless in Stoke

I need one if those old fashioned ‘intermission’ films they used to show between films at a Saturday matinee at the cinema to relax my mind. Gentle music and the sight of a potters wheel twirling might help me to sleep. I’ve forgotten the various little strategies I use to try and fall asleep. Pain and discomfort have held my mind up like a theif of sleep. Haunting me in the night. A few, drowsy thoughts and I’m awake again, sometimes disturbed by a heartbeat out of turn or the patter of cats paws. I have things to do today and I didn’t  want to be tired. 6am…..goodnight, I will try counting sheep

Tall friends

We just held, a celebration of my hubbys life. He was always interested in acting and theatrical performances so when my friends offered to greet guests at the start of the celebrations on stilts and in circus costumes I had to say yes. They stood outside and looked funny and magnificent. They stayed and enjoyed the rest of the evening. A group of us sang ‘always look on the bright side of life’. A good friend read a eulogy and showed slides and video of my husband. We had almost 200 photos of him on the hall walls. People read poems for him including one specially written and ‘do not go gentle into that dark night’ we had a harmonica playing and a friend singing and playing the banjo. There was a lovely buffet laid on by the hall.

People also wrote memories of him on cards so I could take them away. The plan is to create a memory book of the celebration. I took some of my portraits of him up to the hall.

All in all it was a fantastic evening and I was very pleased with how it went. I think my hubby would have appreciated the occasion. X

Mend him

From the Internet ‘Kintsugi, (literally gold seams) is a traditional repair method that takes the broken or chipped parts of cherished vessels, glues them back together with a Japanese lacquer, and paints the seams with gold or silver powder.’

I’ve taken that idea to create this possibly last portrait of my hubby. It’s called ‘Mend Him’, and it’s my wish to put him back together again. It’s a bit rough and ready, but it expresses my feeling of loss. I think it captures his tiredness as he got older… I started this a few months before he died.

I miss him so much and if I could I would mend him, turn back time, use any power available to restore him to his best. X

March started wet and cold

Ugh! Red sky this morning, wet and cold warning.

It’s March 1st, St David’s day, symbol the daffodil, saints day of Wales. I have a few uninspiring tete a tete narcissi daffodils at the front of the house but they look a bit sad and forlorn.

Today is the first day of Spring here. I hope it bucks it’s ideas up!

It brightened up in the afternoon, but there may be snow, showers then fog later. What fun.

In other news I’m plotting a joint exhibition with other friends later in the year. I’m hoping I might get some respite from the tablets I’ve started taking. You never know. I just want to feel better.

I don’t have one

Do you enjoy your job?

I gave up work to look after my hubby and try and set up as an artist. Sadly circumstances mean that he is no longer here and I don’t have the possibility of keeping my artists studio.

I won’t stop painting though, creativity is my reason for living. Despite health issues I cannot give it up. So I suppose really I do have a job, but it’s very much part time. I will still accept commissions and do my best to produce quality art work. I hope I continue long into the future, drawing on these recent events to produce new art.

Decay

Some of the buildings on the old Spode works site continue to deteriorate while others next to them are being restored and reused.

My fear is that some, like this one, could literally crumble before they get any work on them.

Time moves on, plans have been made and then stopped because they did not fit in well with both the historical significance of Spode works and the surrounding town. The traffic management needs considering too. Meanwhile the buildings need protection and rebuilding.

Too many historical and unique buildings in the city of Stoke-on-Trent have disappeared recently. Destroyed because of disrepair or fire or vandalism. The industrial archeology of the city needs saving. Otherwise we will end up with warehouses or generic apartment buildings and lose our history.

Where Manchester used old Mills to create  loft spaces and apartments, we seem hell bent on hollowing out our citys history.