It would have been our anniversary today. We lived together for years before we married. I painted him when I was about 20 and he still sits in this painting looking out at me. I did a lot of drawings and portraits of him over the years, I am glad there are visible memories of him.
What will happen when I go? Who knows what my relatives will want to do with all my art? Will a local museum take them, or will they just get skipped? I don’t know, I won’t be here but I would like to have some recognition. The trouble is I’m very eclectic, I paint for my self in these images. Ah well, more questions…
On our honeymoon we went caving! Today would have been our anniversary. When I thought of writing this it was our anniversary eve but I fell asleep and only just remembered to post something….
Time flies when you’re feeling sad. It rolls along leaving you behind. I keep imagining what things would have been like if he was still alive. Being on your own means having no one to discuss problems with. Yes I’ve got friends but it’s not the same. We went through a lot together. I wish we still could.
My friend often sends me photos on WhatsApp. I don’t know what is going to pop up in my messages until they appear. This time he sent me a series of pictures from Saltaire Food festival. Saltaire is near Bradford in Yorkshire. It’s got small, stone built terraced houses, mostly a living room and small kitchen and two bedrooms and a bathroom. I think they filmed the new version of “The Railway Children ” movie there.
At the end of summer it puts on a great market full of food stalls from all over the world. We went a few years ago and discovered Churos from Spain. Like a mixture of sponge fingers and doughnuts crossed with each other. We tried curries and paella. There was a giant lobster balloon. It was very busy when we went. If you are in the area it’s worth a visit.
Thinking of the innocents that have gone to their deaths through war and genocide. But not just that, also plague and starvation. Cutting funding to medical programs is not helping, and using misinformation is particularly cruel.
What is there that we can do? How do we not weep constantly because of those losses? It’s overwhelming. From the past and into the future, there is no enlightenment. Very little truth and reconciliation. A few places have succeeded, Northern Ireland and South Africa spring to mind.
Maybe we should look at what worked or went well in those situations
Now Gaza and Ukraine, Yemen and Sudan are experiencing the horrors of man’s inhumanity to man. And it really does seem to be a male thing. But maybe I’m wrong.
There should maybe be a class in schools. Respect for humanity. I remember an experiment I heard about. A class of children were split in two. Half were given scarves and told they were better than their counterparts. For the day or the week they were allowed to lord it over the other half. But during the next week the other children got the scarves. Suddenly they had the upper hand. Both groups got to experience the indignities and descrimination of the underdogs. It apparently was a great success in improving how children behaved. Insight is so important.
Tired and shaking. Had a lovely day rehearsing for Middleport next weekend. I needed some decaff coffee and drove up to tescos. Got my shopping. The sun was low as I pulled out of the garage forecourt. There was a car coming but I had time. I swear it sped up and I had to quickly pull out of it’s way…. It was a police car! Blue lights flashing. I pulled over apologising profusely. I was shaking with shock because Parkinsons gets worse when you are stressed. I have no driving offences and the last time I was stopped was for an indicator not working 20 years ago! I will never do that again. The policewoman drove me home while her colleague followed. Now I’m worried I might lose my licence as they have to report it to the DVLA. I feel like a complete idiot… Don’t put yourself at risk. Make sure you have enough time to pull out and don’t forget to give way! Big lesson learnt.
I’m better off than the majority of the people in the world. I have food and water and shelter and reasonable health. I don’t live in a war zone. But I’m worried about the world, so much horror and anxiety. Will things ever get better or must we all be stuck in a morass of hate filled argument and anger? Something might give, but all I can see is more of the same. I am not generally a pessimist and it may be my feelings are simply a reflection of what’s going on in my own life. However I can wish for better times, even if its unlikely to happen in the near future. I think we are in the Pandoras box situation? We still have hope.
Mallaband-Brown 