Putting up walls

It dawned on me this morning, the walls around me have grown… I’ve felt hemmed in by the pandemic, and tied down by ropes attached to concrete blocks. Not physically but mentally, emotionally, sadly.

Why? It stems from fear of what might happen. There is a word ‘catastrophise’ that I’ve heard recently. Maybe that’s what I’m doing. Plus hubbys situation bothers me, I feel very protective. Then again, as I age, bits of me don’t work properly. I tried to do something about it, but the authorities don’t seem to understand. It’s made me despondent to some extent. My prevarication is getting to me.

Sorry to lay all of this at your doors, I think by speaking out it allows me to order my thoughts. Those walls need to come down, and I need to let some light in, I need to be less of a scardey cat… But it’s not easy..

Follower

Finding my way

Are you a leader or a follower?

I am not a leader,

so I must be a follower?

Following up a hill,

Always behind

Lost in a maze

Following my gaze

Happy to be lead

As long as its fair

and honest advice

Why don’t I lead?

I’m not bombastic

Or over confident.

I can and do try

But I prefer

Supporting

Caring and thoughtful

I hope….

Preparing

We are singing at Audlem music festival in a few weeks. Loud Mouth Women are learning some new songs, and last night we were a bit short on numbers. In one particular song I was the only person to sing one of the parts! I was a bit nervous and forgot the tune on at least one of the lines. When you sing in a choir you try and tune in with other singers. So much depends on memory, pitching the right notes, getting the beat right and knowing if you have to do a movement or a clap…. In some of our songs that are international we do a Maori wiri-wiri. Next week is the last rehearsal and then we have an hour long performance. Wish us luck!

Bananas…

List your top 5 favorite fruits.

Bananas, with custard or on toast, my number 1.

Apples, sliced or in a tart with cinnamon.

Blueberries, stirred into my morning porridge.

Oranges, freshly peeled, or squeezed for their juice.

Finally strawberries. Either with cream or ice-cream. Or mixed into an Eton Mess.. Cream, meringue and strawberry all smashed together.

Well that was a boring list! It must be hard to try and think of a prompt to get people to write. Finding a specific idea, and then trying to find out everyone’s opinions. Maybe I should have chosen some less well known fruits, but I don’t know exotic ones. I’ve seen jackfruit on the TV but I’ve never tasted it.

And what is classed as a fruit? Some things are more like vegetables, some berries, do you have to have the seeds on the inside? I should have looked up a definition.

The thing I have to remember is that not everyone can afford fresh fruit. When I was a child, Sunday afternoon tea was canned peaches with evaporated milk and white bread and butter. We didn’t know, but our parents could not afford much. To us it was a treat and when we got maraschino cherries in our orange squash at Christmas it was so delicious. Now, with the cost of living crisis people cannot get the food they need, and that’s in the 6th most rich country in the world. If you look at the rest of the world, there is so much poverty that it must be a dream to get fresh fruit. What a strange world we live in.

Potting bench

“We should be sitting on this!”

“But I need a table to pot on”

“Yes, but you have one”

“But it’s got my trains on”

“Well can you move them?”

“No, I’m making a layout, I got some ‘n’ gauge stock” “I want to build it up”.

Sigh, “OK but the plants can go in the garden, the bench needs varnish or something to protect it”.

I didn’t mention to hubby that the last bench was treated in the same way, the wood rotted and the bench collapsed. I bought new wooden slats, but ‘someone’ (hubby), nailed them on to something else….

Time management!

Not my artwork!

What’s one small improvement you can make in your life?

I need to start going to bed earlier. I’m always up late and it’s not good, then I get insomnia and I get up late. It’s a real dilemma to face. Not working also means I don’t have a routine to follow, and recent events have made me worse. I need to get out in the sunshine and boost my vitamin D but it’s easier to sit and feel anxious.

How do I do one thing to get me going again? Perhaps I should set my alarm every morning? Yes I could sleep through it, but at least it might give me the incentive to do things. Normally by the time I get up its after noon….

Why? Social media to some extent, and a constant need to watch the news. I’m caught in that dopamine trap of wanting to keep checking my phone, and yet I want to break away from it. I don’t read click bait but I do look at sites about politics a lot. I’m well informed. But why? it just ups the anxiety levels..

STOP!

Look into my eyes

I was just watching a programme called ‘Glow up’ about make up artists competing to win a make up artist of the year award. They are all young, enthusiastic people and the work they did was amazing. The first challenge was to create fresh makeup for an advertising campaign. The results were varied between very subtle and very bold. The second challenge was to create a make up which represented the place the contestants came from. One competitor came up with a bee for Manchester on her models nose, and eagles wings using feathers on the models eyebrows.

I’ve never seen this programme before on BBC 1, but I’m glad I did. I have done a small amount of face-palming in the past but this was on an entirely different scale. Really amazing and artistic! My sketch here is nothing in comparison. X

Spock!

Share a story about someone who had a positive impact on your life.

When I was a child I decided to be logical…. Because I saw the character of Spock on TV in a Star Trek and he gave me a love of science and knowledge.

I also think it triggered a love of astronomy together with watching the Sky at Night TV programme (although I never drew Sir Patrick Moore).

All that interest in the world sparked by a science fiction character..