Green gone!

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My neighbours are fencing off the alleyway which is good because it will stop people getting in through the hedge, but they bought a digger in and grubbed up even more of the hedge. It’s near where my hubby wanted his ashes scattering. I couldn’t argue, I just stayed polite, the builder didn’t care or understand. But when things are sorted I will plant the spikiest holly and pyrocantha hedge that I can!

The builder said “your hedge is over the boundary line” I replied “this was my hedge for over twenty years, you are doing work for someone who literally just bought it”, he seemed to vaguely understand. I just hope he didn’t dig up any hedgehog nests!

Singing

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I went to choir practice tonight. It was with trepidation and I was very nervous, but I’m glad I went. Breathing in and out, stretching my lungs, concentrating on the words and the emotions of each song. Gradually I felt a bit more like myself. It was scary and upsetting to start off with but by the end of the session I had relaxed a bit.

The only problem was that when I got home with a friend man in high vi’s trousers was wandering in the middle of the road. He watched us as we got out of the car, so we stood outside and loudly discussed if “Tom” or “Pete” were still up. Pretending someone was already in the house. Then I looked at the man and said I would ring the police. He wandered off and my friend sat in her car for five minutes watching out for me. Anxiety is a bad thing.

Guilt

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If only? What if? I’m feeling so guilty. Why didn’t I spot there was a problem earlier? All those months of things that were not quite right, we should have gone to the doctors. I should have insisted. Have I neglected you? When I argued with you to go it was only towards the end? Should I blame myself, I can’t blame you.

Was it bad communication? Fear? Not wanting to see what might be wrong? I don’t know, I just feel bad. I need a little rant to try and clear my head. I can’t stop time, or make it go back, I wish I could, what twists or turns would I reverse to have you back? No pact with a deity can change things now. Forever.

Medicine

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What is something others do that sparks your admiration?

After my recent dealings with the NHS I have to share my admiration of the doctors, nurses and anciliary staff that work for it.

Many staff cared for my hubby, and he told me they were wonderfully caring, I can only echo this feeling.

I cannot say that all staff are the same, but the ones I met were so very helpful, I only wish we had sought medical advice earlier. But the illness he had was one that is difficult to detect and can be hard to treat.

The amount of knowledge and skills that they require is immense, having had some medical training myself I’m massively admiring of what they do. I only hope the NHS doesn’t fall apart under all the stresses and strains thrown at it by the pandemic, cost of living crisis, and cuts in funding including privatisation that robs it of some of its most important workers and skills.

A film to watch

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“When you hear a bell ring an angel gets its wings”.

I was feeling very down this morning. I couldn’t see the point of things. I sat down and put the TV on. “It’s a Wonderful Life” with James Stewart was just starting.

Have you ever seen it? It’s an old film with a man who takes over a savings and loan company and supports all of his community, even when things are bad he sorts them out. But one day some money goes missing and he is about to lose everything. Meanwhile because everybody is praying for him, an angel (second class) is tasked to save him. It’s not a religious film and it’s very heartwarming and yet emotional to watch. It’s very humanitarian and caring.

If you like old films, and James Stewart, give it a go. Truly 5 stars.

Random art

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An image of a punk woman came up on my Facebook memories today. I decided to draw another, older profile, thinking of the years that have passed since those days. I had done them both in the Artrage app. I then added texture and an overlay in photodirector. I’m trying to imagine it printed on old newspaper. Whatever I do, I have to draw.

Letter to myself

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Dear Me

It’s been a horrible few days. I’m worried and scared, but I must try and cope. Remember to breathe, don’t hide away. Memories of other situations make me want to do this.

I remember my mom when my dad died, she sat on the settee in the darkness for three days, in the end I wrote her a letter and asked her to look after us, her children. I think that finally got through to her. She seemed to respond.

Writing this is just a way of talking to myself, but to share with others, maybe it is something to think about for other people?

Asterix the Gaul

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What’s your favorite cartoon?

If I shouldn’t use this image I will delete it.

This was my favourite cartoon whan I was growing up. The stories were funny and cheeky. Asterix and his huge best friend Obelix would take a magic potion if they were going to fight the Romans so that they would have massive strength and defeat their opponents.

The tribe of Celts they lived with were a motley band, the Chief was scared that the sky was going to fall on his head, so his guards had to hold a large sheid over his head to stop it landing on him.

There was a wizard with a long white beard that made the potion. I think he was called Get-a-fix?

Obelix was a massive figure and would carve standing stones and carry them around. He was always trying to get extra potion.

I loved the books and would draw the characters endlessly to try and get my skills at copying images honed. At one stage I think I had all of them.