If I could do more exercise, I think I would be healthier. But everytime I try and do something? Something else goes wrong with me. I’m like a car that had had all it’s wires disconnected and put back in the wrong places. My head would fall off if it wasn’t screwed on! I know I need to do more but I’ve hurt my leg (well my cat stuck her claws in it) and it started to weep. Now I’ve got a cold. I just feel fed up of being a wreck.
I think I will do something about it soon, in the hope I can improve my health. Fingers crossed.
My phone is full of photos and every so often I optimise them because the file sizes are too big. But that always mixes the dates up, and this time many photos of my hubby showed up out of the thousands of images I have.
Cue deep greif again. My man was funny, eccentric, bombastic, able to express himself. He was emotional and sometimes irrational. But he supported me and we loved each other. He had a mad sense of humour and although he could get angry about things that was more about incidents in his life that had caused him to suffer from PTSD.
Each time I see his face I remember and I am upset again. Decades of life together has made our link so strong. I wish I could have him back, not just photos, but the reality.
Commissioned acrylic on canvas. A surreal abstracted spirit : Green woman. With antlers adoring her head. It’s taken months to finish because I shake even though it’s only about A4 size. I imagine her standing in a grotto of trees, hidden from mortal view. She is nature, watching carefully as the land changes through time. She fights for the natural world and environment.
I got home in time to miss the worst of the storm. Thunder rolling over the hill. I stepped out of the car and only got a bit damp, but the lightening was coming, and with it the rain.
The heavy rain has now been falling for hours. I videoed a few seconds, but my phone was out of charge so I gave up trying to catch a lightening strike. I posted what I had recorded on Facebook. Water cascading from the gutter in front of my door, rushing down the hill, overflowing onto the pavement. The sky was dark and full up with energy.
Six hours later and the storm has rebounded back to us a few times, lightening flashes and the loudest roars of thunder I have heard in years. The lights flickered off and on at one stage.
I count the seconds after each flash. 2 seconds is a mile. So I can judge how far away the storm is, if the thunder rolls straight after the flash it’s overhead, if it’s heard after 2 seconds that’s a mile. Currently it’s rumbling 6 seconds after the flash so that’s about 3 miles away.
Currently on the site the main storm is a few miles south of Stoke-on-Trent. Looking at the rest of the world the USA seems very active. I recommend turning off detectors and turning on the sound so you can hear how active the storms are. It’s safe to accept cookies but I close all ads.
When we first started our lives we were empty books. At the end, perhaps we are the same. When the memory dwindles and is gone. Thousands of days or years pass by. How can we be remembered? Our belongings may be passed down through generations, but eventually they just become remnants of a previous way of life.
I not trying to be melodramatic about this or emotional. I’m just contemplating my place in history, a short blip in a continuous spectrum of time. I’m trying to grasp as much of life as I can for as long as I can. Continuing to take an interest in the world and the best of humanity. I hope you are too.
Surprise! One night I dreamt that I would meet some friends on a road nearby, but since they lived 40 miles away and only cycled that seemed unlikely. I also remembered the dream was on a wet day. Things seemed very clear. But as usual I couldn’t remember the details when I woke up. Then a few days later we decided to ride out and meet some other friends on their farm. It was an overcast day as we started out on our 5 mile ride to visit them. But SURPRISE! In the distance we saw our friends cycling towards us. They must have had the same idea. But they were with some others. It started to rain and as the friends drew closer I realised they were with the people I’d dreamt of! Then we all took shelter under cover of a bus stop. Thunder rumbled and lightening flashing! I realised it was my dream!
Medium cat (left) and large cat (right) like to sleep on this chair. Usually there is a single occupant, but tonight they are sharing. The little cat is on the floor just exploring to find somewhere to settle down.
I’m glad they tolerate and cope with each other, the small cat is nervous and sometimes has a paw raised to her, but there’s very rarely a squabble and usually they chase together to pay. I think I will go and settle down too. I’m struggling to keep my eyes open, the cats have the right idea. X
Mallaband-Brown 