Tag: Time

Eighteen

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When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

Yes, actually 18. I left school and I was in the real world. I had to leave my old life behind. It was a shock. I felt like I was falling off a cliff.

It’s a long time ago, but I remember fighting to get into college. I had to choose between that and staying in the job I had. It was the biggest decision of my life and I’m glad I made it!

When I was older I thought about life and that your feelings and world suddenly changes. You have rights and responsibilities. You still have support but it’s up to you to follow your own path (if you are allowed to). I realise that I am lucky as a woman to have rights a lot of other people in different cultures don’t have, and seeing the way governments can change, or bring in restrictions, I don’t always feel those rights will be maintained.

I was lucky to grow up and become an adult during feminist times. I hope those becoming adult now continue to have those rights.

A lot of people

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If you had a million dollars to give away, who would you give it to?

I’ve actually thought this through. I would give some to family and friends, it turns out you can gift someone £3000 without having to pay tax. But I would give more than that and gladly pay it. Then I would think of acquaintances to help. I would try and share a reasonable amount. Having done that I would buy a small house and garden, a bit bigger than mine now, but not huge. Enough to neatly fit paintings and books with a warm studio with plenty of light to paint and draw in. A natural garden with pond. It would not be too far away from family and friends. Obviously the cats come along too.

I would have to ensure I could pay all my bills each year.

Finally I would try and donate to charity… I would have to support local as well as national charities.

Completing a college course

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What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?

I realise that sharing information about what course I did isn’t good on the Internet, too much info gets stolen or misappropriated.

I’m giving a rather obvious clue without, stating dates and times. It was a big leap up from what I did before. But it gave me confidence to do other things. My goal was to get a good qualification and I did. I have done other courses since and sometimes I’ve done well and other times not so good. But you have to do the best you can and try and work out where you went wrong so you can rectify your mistakes.

All I can suggest is try and gain the best qualifications you can. Don’t let people tell you off or try and talk you out of it. The world is a big place and having qualifications can hopefully make it a little bit easier to live in.

Painting

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What is your favorite hobby or pastime?

This was a painting I did a few years ago, it’s of the upper story of Cheddleton Station, in Staffordshire, England.

I still love painting, but my health is affecting what I can do at the moment, I really want to do more. And somehow the anxiety over it is making me struggle to start. Because I’m worried whether I will be able to do a good enough job. I know I’ve been doing a lot of digital art, but it doesn’t have the same quality to me as actually painting.

I’ve spent years being an artist and I don’t want to stop. I admit some of my work isn’t as good as I’d like, I paint fast and rely on my skill to pull things into shape. I’ve certainly put in the hours to get to a good standard. But I wish I could go back in time and make better decisions about my art.

I haven’t stopped, but I might not do as much as I used to, I’m just hoping the physiotherapy I’m due to start will help.

Early morning

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Early morning, looking up from the settee where I’m currently sleeping, I can look over at the ceiling and see the shadow cast across it by one of the living room lights. It’s in black and white because the colours were washy yellows, and I thought this looked more dramatic.

The fact you can see the woodchip patterned paper on the ceiling which is not very flat shows the poor decorating skills of the builder who put it up there almost 30 years ago! I’m never going to take it down, it’s hiding a multitude of sins including bad plastering and cracks I think.

This was around 6am or maybe later, I just liked the stark, long shadow.

Blue to Red

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What’s a topic or issue about which you’ve changed your mind?

At 18 I voted blue (Conservative). That was how my family had always voted, we spoke about it, and I was supporting our first woman prime minister. How I regret it now!

After the election I moved out and started to learn more about the world around me, how people struggled and how the new prime minister was making things worse for people not better.

I went through several general and local elections over the decades but I never voted blue again. I had completely changed my mind. Sometimes I don’t like Labours policies, they can seem to be Tory lite, but I’ve never not voted for them. Sometimes they get into power. But for the last thirteen years Conservatives have been in power. They have had five prime ministers, some of which were not elected by the populace but by their fellow MPs. They make promises but they don’t keep them. Cancelling projects which were expensive and that have been massively over hyped. All blue policies…. From privatisation to selling peerages…

So I’m Red through and through. I think I always will be. The biggest change of mind and direction in my life.

Quite often

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Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

Where am I?

I was a child and because my eyes were bad I couldn’t see where my parents were on a big beach. So I got lost, but luckily someone found me and I got back to my family. Then they found out I was short sighted, so I ended up with glasses.

Later I got lost trying to map read while my mom drove. I wasn’t very good at it, so we took the right road, but headed south not north. Eventually I realised I had gone wrong and we found our way home. After that I studied maps (on paper), so I knew where I was.

But feeling out of place can also be emotional. I used to do an important job and did it well, but I didn’t fit in with other staff members because they thought I was too soft with our customers. I started to feel very out of place. I think I suffered from imposter syndrome. I second guessed myself all the time, thinking I would get caught out for doing things wrong.

I’m glad I’m out of it. I want to feel I have a real place to be,

Still doing gratitudes.

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After a break because I was injured and fed up I decided to start a new gratitude book. I wrote down what had happened so that I will remember how I was feeling. But I didn’t want to start right from the beginning. So today I’m actually on day 420.

Three gratitudes a day helps balance the bad things that are going on as well. I like adding a small sketch to each gratitude to make it more real to me and helps me remember what went on during the day. I’m glad this idea was suggested to me. It really helps x

Hedgehog 2 years ago

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Two years ago we were having regular hedgehog visitors to our garden, but this year we haven’t seen any. We live next to a busy road and I worry about them. There was also an area of wasteland next to our garden that had brambles growing on it. That was cleared by a builder who removed all the vegetation from it, our garden is quite wild but there was old bits of wood to hide under. I think we will start leaving food out for them to forage again.

Poison words

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What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

I used to be hurt when people said things to me to upset me. I would take on board what they said, and it could lead to several sleepless nights, or mistrusting my judgement or feelings.

After a few years of this I talked to a new friend who explained a way of getting through or over the uncaring words.

What they said was imagine the nasty words are poison. The words are absorbed by the victim (in this case me) and the poison works it’s way into the mind of the person they want to hurt. This affects that person’s confidence, thoughts, security.

But in the meantime the person doing the poisoning walks away scot free. With no effect on them, able to go and place poison elsewhere, spreading their cruelty and getting a rise out of others.

The trick is to realise what they are doing and train yourself to ignore their jibes. Inoculate your mind against their poison and learn to stop their tricks before they can get to you. It really does help.