What’s the matter now?

What’s the matter now? Became a response when my hubby couldn’t hear me properly. He was always having problems with his hearing aids. They made his ears sore. Or if he got his hair trapped they would whistle.

What’s the matter now? Was almost a catchphrase. I dreaded it, it meant he was irritated by me, or something was getting on his nerves.

Decades of living with someone, and you don’t know what will happen. Can you know someone well enough to be able to solve all their problems? Not in a normal life. It’s not all romance, it’s trying to give and take, accept difficulties. Putting doubts out of your mind. The marriage service has it right. The balance between sickness and health. Riches and poverty. Somehow you rub along.

I will be guilty for a long time for feeling I should have done more. To make everything OK? Not a chance, but I can wish. For now I will try and remember the ‘what’s the matter now?’ moments and try to accept that was part of our life too. If there is something after life I hope he forgives me. I don’t know what else to ask for of him. Processing grief is horrible but it has to be done.

Sub-titters

I’ve been watching TV with subtitled recently because my hubby is increasingly hard of hearing. But when the subtitles are being done in real time there can be some very strange results.

When nature programmes like Winter watch is on for instance, a ‘Willow Grove’ becomes a ‘Willow Grope’ , or on the news ‘set a new trend’ becomes ‘said a newt rend’! The subtitler sometimes retypes the words to clarify, but sometimes they are real howlers. I wish I could remember the best, but they flit by so quickly. Still it’s fun to watch out for them..

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Repetition

When you live with someone with bad hearing loss, be prepared to repeat yourself. Sometimes endlessly.

He has hearing aids, but he doesn’t always remember to put them in, and even when he does he can’t always hear me. I repeat things, but because he has lost the higher frequency sounds my voice can be too high to hear. We end up in a guessing game. I say a word say ‘splurge’ for instance, and he will say ‘Forge, force?’ I repeat, then ‘sort? Sports?’ repeat again, trying to pitch my voice lower…. ‘splits?’ finally he gets it. The energy it takes to communicate is hard work. Tiring. Irritating. But ultimately we communicate.

Misheard

Having a chat with my hubby yesterday. I said we will be in a ‘bring out your dead’ situation soon. After having to repeat this three times I muttered ‘bring out your deaf’!

That’s one of the problems with hearing loss, it affects everyone, not just the person who has the problem. I know now when I have to repeat myself two or three times that I am going to get irritated. I don’t want to upset him, it’s just frustrating.

We were talking about steam engines earlier. He showed me a steam engine and tender. Underneath the caption said the tender was a ‘Hurst’. I asked why that was unusual and he said they must put coffins in it!?

I pointed out that must be the makers name as hearse is spelled HEARSE!

He saw the funny side and laughed.

X

You’ve got a spider in your ear….

_20190421_190008you’ve got a spider in your ear,

with a heart on its back.

It’s smiling gently

As it builds its web.

It stops thoughts leaking out

when you lie on your side.

Stops ear wax escaping

And keeps bed bugs out.

It plays on your eardrum

Tapping timpani

When you are asleep!

So don’t be afraid if you see a spider in my ear.

It’s just looking after it

and keeping it clean.

 

Bump in the night

PicsArt_1535673188222

Ever since I was burgled years ago I have been very sensitive to hearing sounds at night, especially when they should not be there.  Hearing car doors open, or little thudding noises attract me towards the front door!

The neighbour bangs his windows shut late at night and that makes me jump, then the cats race round chasing each other, like a herd of elephants up and down the stairs….

But its the little subtle noises outside that get me, not the noise of someone using our wheelie bin to put their empty beer can in….but the creaks and groans from the tree branches near the house, quiet footsteps passing the front door. Then a sudden screech of brakes as a car comes down the hill too fast.

We have whistling windows so when its windy you can hear the whoosh of air hitting the house, I actually quite like that. Occasionally there is the sound of cats fighting, or the strange squeal of foxes. All this in an urban area.

Sometimes I go outside with a torch,  I imagine I am scary enough to frighten an intruder off…. the only thing that happens then is I end up walking on slugs or snails as the garden is quite overgrown……

What noises are right and what are wrong?  The gate opening is wrong, rattling noises by the side window, the metallic clunk of the gate bolt moving…..milk bottles by the gate rattling are all wrong…,what’s right? Birdsong late at night, don’t hear it as much at this time of year. Friendly voices of people passing on their way home, not the rowdy shouting we sometimes hear.

I realise there is a lot more going on out there than I thought. Better than tinnitus though!

Night all x