Tag: Time

Up and down

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This is how I feel. Trying to balance the world on my nose. It wobbles, but keeps spinning. It precesses and stays just about stable, but demands on me pull it off kilter. Can I do this, will I do that? Can I help with.. I don’t like letting people down so I do my best. Perhaps I should be more selfish? But that’s not what I’m like.

I feel like dropping the spinning wheel sometimes, just let it slide away, tip up then roll off into the distance. Trying to manage the behaviour of someone who self harms isn’t good (I won’t say who). That and personal pain from my medical conditions makes me grumpy. I just want peace. A couple of days to myself. It didn’t help that our neighbours behind us are selling their house and are threatening to cut branches off our trees? We said we would sort things out so hubby, who is in his seventies, was climbing up and down ladders cutting foliage back. All I could do was hold the ladder. That and some other new neighbours have decided to park their car in the alleyway so it’s hard to access the back of our garden. No consideration for us. I might contact the council. So many things to deal with, and now it looks like one of our cats had got an abscess on his face, he’s just come in and his face is swollen. Oh dear!

Chomped cherries!

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Pecked at!

We just gathered some cherries off the ground because the rain and wind has knocked a lot off the tree. This is about a third of them that were too bruised, damaged or pecked. The rest have just been washed thoroughly in salty water and I’ve put them in the fridge to eat tomorrow. I will thoroughly rinse them again first.

The plan is to get a broom or a stick to try and pull some more down and collect them in an upturned umbrella. I hope the weather doesn’t intervene in the meantime! Praying the wind doesn’t whip up and blow them off. There’s still plenty left for the birds…

A diary of gratitude

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What are your daily habits?

For 323 days now

Book 3!

I started this last year. It was recommended as a way of bringing more positive thoughts to my mind. I have done it for 323 days now and there’s no sign of me stopping. I’m most of the way through my third sketchbook. I draw a sketch for each of three gratitudes and a short description of what I’m grateful for.

The idea is you don’t write big gratitudes, but little ones so you don’t feel put off by not having a big enough thing to write about. So on one day I wrote that the traffic lights were on green and I got to the doctors in time. For that I drew the traffic lights. Another could be that the cat came up and was very loving. I drew a curled up cat. Finally I wanted something else to write, and the plants in the garden were lovely so I wrote that and drew some flowers.

I have continued to do this each day, sometimes I forget, but it’s a good habit for me to keep to and it has helped me to keep things together. So if I’ve forgotten I will catch it up. It’s become that important to me. It’s going to mean a lot of gratitude sketchbooks though if I carry on!

Cutting down power usage

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Are there things you try to practice daily to live a more sustainable lifestyle?

We have an old car, it’s about 23 years old (not as old as the morris in the painting), we can’t afford to replace it. But don’t really want to because of all the resources locked up in it. We only drive short distances now and did less than 1000 miles last year. I rarely have to fill it up with fuel. For local trips we usually walk. It’s a struggle to carry things, but it’s exercise.

I have a bike but I’m too wobbly to use it. But it may well be given to a charity so it can be reused, it would be good to give it to a good home. You only have a short window of adulthood to be adventurous but as you get older it gets harder. My mind is mostly fine but my body is getting worn out and ill.

Apart from that we planted a lot of trees on our garden which have become mature over the years. I’m sure that must offset our carbon footprint. We try and grow some fruit and vegetables too. We also try not to use much gas and electricity. We rarely buy clothes or shoes…..

I could go on. I don’t feel deprived. I’ve never flown and don’t want to and I rarely travel more than the occasional 80 miles to visit relatives. I hope all of this is a good way towards living a sustainable life. We could do more, we try.

Spiritually speaking

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I think about spirituality sometimes and I question whether it is part of religion or not?

I don’t really know what I believe in. I was brought up as a Christian but I also think there are other aspects of spirit and life that come into your thoughts. I cannot be dogmatic or “born again”, I think you have to question things. Just because the bible says the world was made in seven days does not mean it was. That explanation seems like a simple way of understanding the Earth and the Universe. As we grow and learn we have to take on board science and all the knowledge that has come about over the centuries.

I could be an atheist, and not believe in a God or Gods, but in fact I’m more of an agnostic. I don’t know what I believe in, but if the universe is infinite and “God” is infinite how can I possibly know anyway?

I love John Lennons song “Imagine”, imagine there’s no heaven above us, and no hell below (I don’t think I’ve got the words right). I don’t believe in heaven or hell. I don’t know if there is anything after life, and if there is, what comes after that?

I enjoy Yoga, and we do breathing and meditation exercises. I think that helps me cope with my life. I think there are aspects of spirituality that I could question more, but I don’t know whether I should.

Car repairs

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Argh! My handbrake seemed to be slack so I took the car in the garage today. What was going to be a simple job turns out to be worse than we thought. The brake calliper on one side has been leaking brake fluid. The problem is the car is old, so parts are hard to get hold of. If they put the calliper back together it might fail and if I’m on a hill, or even just driving it I could run into someone! So the car is staying at the garage till at least Monday!

I guess I just have to be glad that it’s held this long and I haven’t had a bump in it! Phew

My first crush

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Write about your first crush.

I was seven, he was eight. I think his name was Henry? We were in the same school. All the girls liked him. He had a nice laugh, he was tall, (about 3 ft 6 inches?) and he had blond hair. He was in the class above me.

I can remember playing tick and chasing round the playground after him. I remember standing on the wide shallow steps where we waited to go into school after breaks and jumping down them because he encouraged us to play tinker, taylor, soldier, sailor. Many old nursery rhymes had games made up to go with them. I don’t think he was bothered about me with my hornrimmed glasses and pudding bowl haircut. But it was only a crush, I was far too young to have any real interest in boys. I think I liked him because he was clever and kind…

I think he moved to a different school when he left junior school. I don’t remember ever seeing him again. It’s funny how you don’t think of anyone for years and then a prompt like this sparks a memory and there you are back in the past…

Just rememberd another nursery rhyme:

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry,

When the boys came out to play,

Georgie Porgie ran away!

And I remembered my grandmother has a teacup with a cartoon of this rhyme on it….

Upside down again

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Oh dear, I’m in a whirl again, lack of sleep isn’t helping. Someone was chatting with me today and yet again I found myself crying. When will I ever feel happy again?

It was raining this morning when I went out, so I decided not to wear a coat. Cool, damp, with a breeze, it was good to feel a little more comfortable. When I got home the fan went on, and that’s stirring the air up nicely. I’m going back out later, but for now I just had a nap (I must be getting old). The cat came and poddled away kneading my knees and then fell asleep too.

Shall I dream of life and loss again tonight? I don’t know. Its hard to control things when you sleep, then wake up in a tizz.

By the way the drawing on the right was based on the drawing on the left, just by sketching over it. I decided to turn it upside down to match my confused mood.

Are you the same person?

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Is it a scientific fact? Do all the atoms and molecules in your body get replaced every seven years? Not all at once of course, but over an average lifetime the atoms will be swapped out over about seven years. They must come from somewhere, food, drink, respiration, as we grow up and gain mass, then people tend to shrink a bit as they get older. So obviously people lose atoms and molecules via bodily waste, then blood transports food and oxygen around the body and helps to convey away waste from cells (this is where the lymphatic system is working too). The blood brain barrier prevents blood getting into the nervous system, but there must be a mechanism to get oxygen and other nutrients and waste in and out.

When I first heard the statement I wondered if it could be true? But I’ve heard it again and again. I could fact check it, but I’ll take it as truth. So if molecules can change can we really say we remain the same? Does that not mean that a Leopard CAN change its spots? We can change our minds, change our behaviour. You don’t have to be limited to one train of thought because you literally HAVE changed!

The road goes ever…

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There are some verses in the Hobbit by JRR Tolkien “The Road goes ever on”….

I wish I could remember it. I could look it up, but basically I’m too tired! The photo I took last year, at the Dorothy Clive garden reminds me of the verse, the road or path winds off into the distance. Who knows where it will lead as it rises and falls, but there is the possibility of adventure and even danger. I guess it could also indicate what happens to us in life, the ups and downs, you can’t forecast what is round the corner, it could be something nice like an old friend, or someone jumping out at you with malice. The path isn’t always sunny and bright. But we have to live it the best way we can.