I wish I could speak to my mother, my sister, but they are gone. If there was a phone line, a way to communicate. Just to say hello. To get some comfort. To just say a few words and get some response. It’s hard to lose people, it leaves such an empty space. Even when I’m busy I think of them. I thought I would learn to cope, and I have to some extent, but the older you get it seems the more the regret grows (at least for me). Sadness, regret, pain, loss, mourning, they all crowd in on me sometimes.
Sorry, I’ve always loved cats, I’ve had cats since I was a child. We never had room for a dog, I don’t think my parents had the time to walk one while they were looking after all of us children.
Cats always seem aloof, but once you get one, and start to understand it they can be very loving. I used to whistle a little tune to get our cats to come home. I’d do it when they were due to be fed, or at bed time, and I suppose they understood the reason behind the whistle so they would come. So cats can be trained. I had one which would jump from one gate post to another when I tapped the post and whistled. She was very special and liked climbing up on my shoulder and having a little ride around the house or garden.
Don’t get me wrong though, I do like dogs, it’s just that when you go out to work all day it seems cruel to leave them shut in the house or tied up in a garden. At least cats can use cat flaps and enjoy independence. And I know you can get dogflaps but they look like a burglar could get in through them…
Also, thinking about cats, I think they are not as expensive to look after, although when you have multiple cats it’s not cheap. Maybe one day if we suddenly have lots of money I might get a dog.
Today I played chess for the first time in ten years. My friend has acquired a chess set, so we sat in a shady spot by a cafe and had a few games.
The result was 2 games to her 1 to me. Then I found out she’d been in a chess club at school and had been champion in one year! So I didn’t do too badly. I’m not trained so I made some surprising moves where she could see I should have done a different move. But it was fun.
We had a quick go at drafts but didn’t remember the rules. Anyway we will have another game in a few weeks. I need to find a set to practice. Hubby used to be good at it so we might play a game or two. Good for exercising the brain.
1. The Earth is an oblate spheroid. That is it’s almost a sphere but it is fatter around the equator because of its spin.
2. Crisps are crunchy and made of potatoes that have been thinly sliced and fried (who said these had to be serious? ).
3. The Sun is approximately 93 million miles away from the Earth. But because the Earth’s orbit is an ellipse it has times when it is slightly nearer, and times when it is slightly further away.
4. Water freezes at 0°Celsius. I don’t know if it’s the same in Fahrenheit.
5. Too much sugar and salt is bad for you. But you need some to maintain your electrolyte balance.
6. Halleys comet comes back into the inner solar system every 76 years, it’s next due in the 2060’s (I’ve forgotten the exact year)
7. Cats don’t have 9 lives, they just pretend!
8. I know for a fact that I don’t get enough sleep!
9. Green plants absorb all the other colours and reflect green? I think.. I’ve forgotten the physics behind it though.
10. Singing really can help your mental health. It’s good for breathing too.
Well those were a few random (and probably useless) facts. I tend to pick up a lot of ideas, and as I have a retentive memory I hold onto facts that are not much use to anyone.
A drawing from a while ago. It was called molecules. I was trying to find an image that describes my tangled brain. I think I’m OK, then I don’t know. I’m trying to do things, but I’m tied up inside a cotton sack, trying to find the way out.
Am I being dramatic? Perhaps, I have lots of thoughts about what I want to do, but the procrastination gets me all the time. The older I get, the less enthusiasm I have. Sorry, its just one of those nights. I’m watching a sad film and it’s getting to me. I sometimes feel time is running out. Grief is a tight knot. Like a molecule, twisting and turning. Time for some rest perhaps…… I’ll be OK….
At my age I prefer security. I used to like adventure, but I’ve grown out of it!
When I was young we used to cycle all over the country, riding a bike or a tandem for miles. We would go out and ride at weekends to different destinations. We would also catch the train and then cycle from there to campsites or a place to visit like a castle or a forest. One of my favourite places was Grizedale Sculpture park. On that occasion we had got a car and the bikes were tied to the top of it. We parked at the campsite and used that as a base to cycle all around the lake district.
One day I was cycling home from a friends houss and was hit by a car. I ended up with a fractured skull. From that day I became nervous of cycling. After a couple of more years of riding the bike suddenly collapsed underneath me. It had been damaged in the accident and the brazing had broken on the bike headset. It took months to get my bike repaired by which time I had started to drive more frequently. My health got worse and I was not able to ride my bike any distance.
I think it was about then that I became more risk averse. I still liked to go and do adventurous things but I was more careful. Nowadays I am even more concerned with safety. Covid and the pandemic has made me more aware of my situation and my security. I guess that I realise my life has changed, and I can not do things I would have happily done in the past.
My old painting jeans. They are years old. When they started to split I started to sew. One patch of sewing covers another. Trying to keep up with the holes!
Mostly sewn with cotton reel thread, a few strands of embroidery silk. My stitches are no longer neat and small. My shaking arm makes it hard to hold the material while I try and stitch. The yellow is the latest cotton. I will swap to another colour soon. I just need to catch the rip below the pocket before it gets any worse. It’s really threadbare…
This is like the story of the old broom. It’s had three new stales and two new brush heads… But it’s still the old broom you always knew… X
Stravinsky, Holst, Tchaikovsky, Strauss, Mozart, lots of older and more modern classical pieces. Including opera, ballet, symphonies and anthems.
I particularly like the Rites of Spring, and the Planet Suite. But almost every piece of classical music cheers me up.
But one of my difficulties is I can never remember what half of the melodies or composers are called. I will remember the music when I hear it, but ask me to name specific pieces and I struggle. Oh I know Ravel wrote the Bolero and Tchaikovsky wrote Swan Lake (I hope?), but I have a blind spot. I can remember some physics or biology, or information about art and artists, but music of any genre? I really struggle. It’s not in my head. And yet if I’m singing with the choir, I don’t remember the song until we start singing, then suddenly its there, words and tune. I must have a strange brain.
We were holidaying on the Devon Coast in summer. We came back to the campsite and saw a crowd of people on the beach and others in wet suits in the sea. We went to find out what was happening and saw a pod of dolphins swimming back out to sea. But one had stayed behind.
I looked at my friend’s and told them I was getting in! I took off my glasses and shoes and got in the sea fully clothed! I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity of swimming with a dolphin. I swam half way to the people in wetsuits so I was not much out of my depth. I was a reasonable swimmer and it was a calm and walm evening.
The dolphin was very inquisitive and kept swimming backwards and forwards between the people on the beach and out to sea. Of course that meant it had to come past me. One thing I did notice was it had a lot of cuts along it’s sides. Apparently it was well known for getting near the propellers of boats. Sadly it had been hurt by this behaviour.
The other memory I have was of the caravan step collapsing on our last night. It had rusted through because of the salt air and broke as I stepped on it. We had to move caravans and got an extra nights stay as I had hurt my foot and couldn’t drive back home until the following day.
Mallaband-Brown 