Alone

Always by my side. Now I’m a widow. What a weird word. My fate was to be left behind. Yours was to leave first.

The cats keep looking for you. The house is quiet. No explosions of humour and excitement. Just full but empty. Echoing with your life. Your things are everywhere. Your books, your clothes, shoes, things. What do I do?

Lots of support, I’m organising and tidying. Getting advice. Looking for help. Trying to stay calm. Alert about my body, my health.

Time will pass, I will seek support, I must try and go on. Enough sadness for a whole lifetime has poured like molten metal into my heart, burning and breaking. But I must go on.

Five things?

Share five things you’re good at.

Cooking. I don’t follow recipes but I can cook reasonable food. I like experimenting with flavours and my favourite treat is trifle,

Driving, I’m pretty good at driving, although developing cataracts may change this. Aging is such an annoying thing. I have good road awareness but I think I might go for an automatic car if I get another one.

Art, if you follow ti’s blog you will be aware of the art work that I do. I mainly use acrylic on canvas, but I sometimes paint in oils and watercolours and then digital art.

Reading? Is reading a skill? I’ve got over a thousand books on bookcases around the house. Reading helps keep my mind working. I don’t like reading devices, I prefer real books.

Singing, I have been a member of different choirs for several years now. It helps me take my mind off my worries. I have a quite deep speaking voice and sing low (alto/bass), I love singing in harmony. Life is making what you can of your talents.

Cataracts

What is one thing you would change about yourself?

My eyes are going fuzzy round the edges… My central vision is OK. I’m allowed to drive but I’m wearing sunglasses at night when I drive because it limits the glare from other cars headlights. My optician is monitoring them as eventually I should be able to have an operation to remove them. It’s making fine details difficult to see and it’s getting very frustrating.

Eating for one

Fish fingers and layered pasta salad? 40 odd years of eating together makes choosing portion sizes odd. Last night the cats were surprised at getting a lot of chicken breast. I can’t remember what I had for lunch… Oh yes, hot cross buns that were going stale. That’s the other thing, lots of food are in “serves two” packets. My freezer is too small to store much.

I will see what happens when hubby comes home? But I think things will be different. Life is a pain sometimes.

Hubby news

The hoar frost was thick this morning when I visited hubby at the hospital. I had a frozen car lock to contend with, then a car parking meter that was frozen so it would not accept cash. The other one on the car park was not taking money either, just card payments.

When I got to the ward the doors were locked. I was visiting outside visiting hours, they are allowing me to do that because hubby is awaiting surgery but they don’t know when yet and he might have to be taken to theatre during visiting times.

I don’t know who will read this so I’m not doing into details, but he is poorly but stable. I just feel lonely without him.

Waking up in an empty bed is so strange, the cats were with me keeping warm. I hope he can come home soon, but we won’t know until he has an operation.

I might not be around much, but I will try and catch up when I can. X

Bad news

My hubby is ill. If I’m not around much it’s because I’m sorting things out. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I just thought I should let people know.

At present I don’t know much. But I want to say how much I am grateful to the NHS. After ringing their helpline we were advised to go to Accident and Emergency. My hubby was triaged within half an hour. He was taken to a very busy set of cubicles. Blood was taken and he was given painkillers and seen by a doctor. I left after three hours because he was booked for a CT scan.

I saw him today on the ward. The nurses were so kind and supportive. I don’t know the prognosis but I’m hoping to get the information tomorrow. I’m very worried, but life is what it is. But I want to salute the NHS. Thank you.

Green jumper, old jeans

What are your two favorite things to wear?

My old jeans must be ten or fifteen years old. I used to be bigger so I’ve taken them in several times. I also like my moss green, cable knit jumper. It has a big turtle neck collar, and at this time of year they both keep me warm.

I love painting and I have to be careful not to get the paint on the jumper. The jeans don’t matter as much. I’ve used them for painting in for years.

I think clothes should last, they don’t need replacing every few months, they should be made to have a good lifetime, so that we don’t waste material and harm the environment more than we need to. I believe in make do and mend.

Quick fox

Work in progress

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog…..

A statement that contains all the letters of the alphabet and also was used to improve typing skills I think?

This is a tiny miniature, it needs more detail, less splodges. I will try and get more of a furry look to it. I might add a bit of blue to the snowy background so that it looks more realistic. Only 6 more to paint!