I don’t know

Why do you blog?

I seem to have a lot to say, opinions, thoughts. I’ve recently joined a local writers group. I guess I think my words are worth reading? But that’s just my opinion. I may be boring, I might be showing off.

I have suffered imposter syndrome in the past when I was working. I think blogging helps me feel a little bit validated. Having somewhere to share my thoughts and ideas, to share my art. Something to be remembered by. So that I have an existence outside of these four walls.

I recently looked for family details on the Internet. I am mentioned lots of times because I use lots of social media. But the family? Not much detail. Because their lives were mainly pre Internet…

I still keep on blogging..

Disappointed

My sister was going to visit this weekend but she’s got to work. I was really looking forward to seeing her. We would have bought some plants for the yard and I would have twisted her arm to help me put them in the pots round there.

I feel like I’ve abandoned my garden. I can’t do as much as I used to, I need to be stable and not risk falling over. Friends are busy and I have got into a situation where I don’t want to ask for help. I’m as disappointed in myself as anything else. I’m losing my ability to want to keep going.

Political views

How have your political views changed over time?

When I was young I voted one way, the same as the rest of my family. I was very young and influenced by their long term beliefs.

When I left home I moved into shared accommodation, I realised I had been living in a bubble at home, I hadn’t had the responsibility of paying bills before, or other things to deal with, like not having hot water and having to shower at the college. I met different people and they had different political views. Over the years I changed my priorities and my political allegencies.

All I would say is that it’s good to think for yourself, look at how life is and make a decision that is good for you, and the people around you.

Trifle

What food would you say is your specialty?

Not one of mine.

My trifle is based on my mother’s and her mother’s recipe.

It consists of a fruit and jelly bottom layer with a touch of sherry or port.

Middle layer? Blancmange (not custard). Either the same flavour as the jelly or something different like chocolate.

Top layer, a decent amount of whipped double cream, with possibly cherries, strawberries or raspberries on top or grated chocolate.

You can’t really go wrong with that X. Usually I make it at Christmas or for birthdays.

Caring

What quality do you value most in a friend?

What would I have done without the caring nature of my friends? Each time I have been down there have been caring words that have helped to bring me back up.

No one turned against me, no one ignored me. They were all there in one way or another. Life can throw bad things at you and your family and friends, so we all need to care for each other. And why not? No one should think they are superior to others. What would life be like if people didn’t care for one another? I don’t want to find out! Support and kindness are two other great qualities to value.

Yes!

Do you vote in political elections?

I’ve voted in every election I could. The first time I voted following my families choice, I was young and I hadn’t really thought through my voting intentions, we had always voted one way so I followed suit.

Then I left home, my situation changed. Many conversations followed and I realised I no longer agreed with my family. Much to their surprise I changed allegance. Why? The reality of life was not as I’d imagined it as a child.

I think the important thing to do when voting is to really consider what’s on offer, not just to you, but to your neighbours and friends. Bad policies should not be selected. That means any party that is not bothered about the needs of the population should be discarded. Perhaps we could have more accurate measurement of whether parties have kept their promises?

As a woman I’m proud to vote. I remember all the women 100 years ago who fought for women’s suffrage. If you can find the song on the Internet have a listen to the song “Nana was a Sufferagette”. I think it gives a good idea of how I feel.

Not everyone can answer this.

What were your parents doing at your age?

Having a parent die early is awful, but a lot of people have this experience with either one or both of their parents.

In my case it was one, and the other was still working to support themselves at my age now. Income can drop drastically when you lose someone. My siblings and I did part time jobs to help support the family. My parent worked in two jobs to care for us. We mostly managed, and had to learn to be strong in the face of adversity. Sometimes we got help, but mostly we coped. Using a coat as an extra bedspread was a normal experience, and cold food more often than not saved money.

No one wants to lose a parent, or parents, and I’d give anything to speak to both of them now as the remaining parent passed away at a relatively young age too. It worries me because I don’t think we are a long lived family, but I want to be around for a good few years more.

A long day

I woke at 5.30am, unable to sleep, I was enveloped in waves of heat and cold from the covid virus. I couldn’t decide whether to snuggle under the duvet or throw it off. I lay listening to the news on the radio.

Just after 8am I came downstairs. I took my medication and prepared to light a candle for my hubby. Today was the day he would be cremated but circumstances meant I could not go to a funeral. Life isn’t always fair. Many friends and family had promised to light candles for him too and I spent an hour in calm and quiet peace thinking about my loss and contacting people who had left messages and thoughts on social media. What a strange way of doing things these days.

After breakfast I wondered if I should take another covid test, but decided I will wait till tomorrow to see. What would be the point of just confirming I was still ill. I continued to get messages and contacted friends and family.

I’ve cried and cried today. Little things like stories of people going through similar circumstances touched my heart. A film which was one of my hubbys favourites was on the TV. ‘The railway children’ is a sweet film and when it reached the end I started crying all over again.

Sleeping has helped this afternoon. I decided to ignore the fuel bills and have the heating on today. I was so tired at one point that my sandwich I’d made for tea slid off the plate and spilt all over the floor. I was not happy with myself.

I know these posts are not nice. I guess I’m just trying to document how I feel. If I explain perhaps it could help someone else? I don’t know.

Chinese, Japanese, Indian

What are your family’s top 3 favorite meals?

We were introduced to more exotic food at quite an early age. My mother and father would take us out for meals to local restaurants. Mostly Chinese, but sometimes Indian eateries. It was there we learnt to use chopsticks. We ate tandoori or baltis. We never really ate anything too hot or spicy though. My favourite Indian meal had orange flavours in it, very mild, a house speciality of a local restaurant.

Then a few years ago I discovered a Japanese Restaurant near us. I had not really understood the difference between Chinese and Japanese food so it was a revelation. I soon got other family and friends to try the cuisine there. We sometimes have birthday meals there. I don’t think I have really explored world foods, but at least we have tried some.

How?

Describe a family member.

So how to do describe a family member? The wrinkles on their face? Their hair colour, skin colour, other physical attributes? Height, weight, hairstyle, glasses or not.

Faces are square, firm jawed, soft skinned, made up, lipstick, mascara. Eye colour, hair colour.

Musical, artistic, crafty, cook, reader, tidy scruffy or normal?

Add a few of these as a combination…

Arthritic, short, hairy, smiling, vegetarian, rock chick?

Or balding, bearded, blue eyed, tall, scruffy, and a mechanic.

A person may describe me in one way, someone else in another. Without facial recognition would you recognise me from my description? How many other people fit the discription?

My family members will remain hidden from the Internet. Because I don’t want to share. I think that’s fair enough.