Painting and drawing

What do you wish you could do more every day?

I used to paint and draw a lot more than I do now. I feel though that recently I’m quite blocked, stuck, nervous of creating. Yes I sketch every couple of days, but my easle is resolutely empty. The paints in their boxes, the brushes lying fallow. The trouble is my physical health. My left arm keeps shaking and I have pain in my elbow. I’m still waiting for a full diagnosis. I don’t think it’s anxiety, but not painting makes me anxious….

I just saw a painting/art competition online, but the entry needs to have been created after 1st January 2023. The painting I had in mind, and it was a good one, was from a couple of years ago, so it was not suitable. Also the entry date is tomorrow, I’m not going to have time unless I get my paints out NOW and paint all night..

I have a list of paintings to do for friends and family. I feel oppressed by that. I should feel glad. I need to break the block.

Why?

What tattoo do you want and where would you put it?

I’m not sure I want a tattoo, I’ve managed not to get one so far in my life, but I might be persuaded if someone could give me a good argument to get one?

So what should I get an image of and where should I have it….? Perhaps a discrete one on a hidden part of my anatomy, my upper arm, back or leg? I’ve got no one to hide it from though, and they are much more beautiful than the old fashioned love and hate words on peoples knuckles. I know people with sleeves and huge tattoos on their backs or legs. I’m not afraid of being tattooed but I would rather design something for someone else..

A tattoo for me? My hubby always says I have eyes in the back of my head….

One word?

What is one word that describes you?

How to choose? I have a few in mind, but I guess the main contender is Creative. That’s because of all the art I create and things like this blog. I love experimenting with images and working on them in different ways, I am quite eclectic, I might never have used a technique before, but I will go through different stages and steps to come up with a fresh idea. My mind thinks about all sorts of things all the time so it could also be the word Chaotic, but I have discounted that because I do plan things sometimes. I am not totally disorganised.

Was that YOU singing?

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

Years ago, I was in my twenties, my friend and I were staying somewhere on a residential course. She was a musician and there was a piano in lounge of the house we were staying in. I asked if I could try singing something (it was before I had singing lessons).

I’d just finished singing ‘Over the Rainbow’ and a man came in. He looked at us both and said to my friend ‘you have a lovely voice’ . To which she replied that it was me that had been singing! Then the man said something like ‘was that YOU singing?’ I think he was surprised because I wasn’t pretty and I had big glasses and probably didn’t look like a singer (what do they look like?). He said ‘you were very good’ again and left! I take that as a big compliment even if it was a bit strange…

Bike before, Car now.

You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike?

When I was young I could cycle forty miles in three hours (including hills). We once did a hundred mile reliability trial in five and a half hours, we used a tandem. The one we rode on was two bikes welded together. One of the chain wheels was on back to front so a pedal unwound and fell off during the ride.

After I sustained an injury we got a car because my bike was damaged in the accident. It went in to be fixed and the shop lost it! I don’t  drive much or very far now. In fact I travel less than I did when we cycled. Most places we go to are only a few miles away unless we go on holiday. I drove less than a thousand miles last year, so I guess my carbon footprint must be low.

No, I don’t use the train. If you go anywhere from Stoke-on-Trent on the train it’s hard to find one that comes back late in the evening so you either can’t spend a long time away or you have to come back the next day. We are also bypassed by the West Coast main line I think…. Bad for a city! Bus? Yes sometimes, but it depends again if there is a bus back and the routes keep getting changed or cancelled. And planes? Are you kidding…. Too scared.

Confidence, what’s that?

How would you rate your confidence level?

Yes, OK, I do have reasonable confidence levels after years of lacking it. I think you do become more confident as you get older and more experienced. But (and there is always a sneaky but in there) it can easily be knocked because I sometimes over think things, and then worry and anxiety knock my confidence.

Why? At various times I’ve been bullied in my life, and that makes you question what you are doing. It’s hard to give a robust explanation if the person bullying you is your manager. Then the ability to think things through is an advantage, to realise that you haven’t got it wrong, but it can knock your confidence.

Another thing is the feeling of imposter syndrome. When you get a job and then wonder why you feel confused by how you actually got there? So many responsibilities, and I’m doing it? Having to think up reasons why someone can get permission to do one thing, or be denied another? Get it right and the feeling of elation can give your confidence a boost.

But writing? Looking back at this I’m confident I’ve used too many clichés! Oh to be young with all the massive confidence people have these days? No, I think expecting everything to be wonderful all the time is a mistake. We have to learn from them to grow more confident.

Not knowing

What makes you most anxious?

The world I’d bleak and I don’t know what to say or think. Words and thoughts churn round in my head. I feel anxiety about not getting something right, something I should have done months ago that could have massive consequences now or in the future.

Because I was focused on myself I didn’t see other people or a person who might have needed my help. It’s six months and the Earth has travelled half way around the Sun. That’s 186,000,000 miles. And now I’ve only just realised I should have been there for someone 186 Million miles ago! I feel idiotic, I feel great anxiety that I will not be forgiven. I feel I have lost a chance where I could have been of help…..

Even now, writing this, it seems a trivial response, too self serving, am I writing something that will help, or to just try and exonerate myself. Guilt and anxiety, mixed emotions and sadness…

Drawing and painting

Digital art

What activities do you lose yourself in?

I have always drawn and painted. Hours can disappear and I don’t notice them. I think that’s called ‘flow’, I’m immersed in it. Even now when my left arm shakes I can’t stop. I end up with shake lines or I have to put things on an easle to stop it. I now have golfers elbow in the same arm and gout and trigger finger in my right hand. But I keep being creative. I really think its my reason for living. When I stop drawing that will be the end of me. Even if I can’t hold a pen or paintbrush I can doodle on my phone and finger paint as in the digital drawing above.

A few years ago I was in hospital. I made my hubby bring me a sketchpad and pencils, I think that was proof I was getting better!

Has to be Star Trek

What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?

I have watched Star Trek, the original series over fifty years. I keep coming back to it. I’ll leave it a few years and then watch then again. My favourite character is Spock, although I do like James Kirk too.

I also enjoy Star Trek Voyager and The Next Generation and try and catch them occasionally too. I guess I like the fairness and attempts at diplomacy in the series. I’ve enjoyed the films, especially ‘The voyage home’, there is a charming humour to them. Yes there are anachronisms and things that would be depicted differently now. I would like to see more recent series but as I can’t afford a streaming service, we’ll I don’t know anything about them. I would like to catch the Picard series if it ever comes on terrestrial TV.

Not really

Are you superstitious?

I have to say I usually walk under ladders, but I always say ‘hello Mr magpie how’s your wife’ if I see a lone magpie. I wonder why black cats are lucky in the UK and unlucky in the USA? I used to avoid cracks in pavements but not any more.

So no, I’m not superstitious. Thirteen is an interesting prime number to me, a bakers dozen, not something to fear. I’m not interested in Halloween really. I don’t bother with trick or treaters and sometimes even shout ‘boo!’ at them and say ‘here’s your trick!’ Does it matter?it depends on the person. I can’t disabuse you of your own beliefs so let’s agree to disagree if you are superstitious.