I am struggling to do things again. This incident with the theft from the garden has knocked me back. I’m jumpy and sent hubby out into the garden tonight to see if there was anyone about because I heard noises. It was only the neighbours thankfully.
I want to be doing art, drawing, experimenting, painting. But life keeps bashing me. I’m not happy to think I will never do things again. I think I can work my way through things, I’m just not sure.
Meanwhile I’m sitting watching TV, or listening to the radio. Hopes are low, but I still have them. So busy doing nothing as the song goes, but hopefully not for long.
What’s something most people don’t know about you?
When I was young I read that the world record for one armed pressups was one. It was a fun fact in a comic I used to read. I asked my mom to watch me and I did two, my Mom said it was closer to 2 1/2 so we wrote in explaining what I had done.
A few, weeks later I bought the comic and opened it up only to find a cartoon of a muscular man in sports gear collapsed on the floor, and a cartoon of a young girl in running gear smiling as she continued to do one armed pressups. The little write up below explained what I had done! I was amazed and proud to find the little article!
It was never ratified, I never held an official world record, but it was an amazing experience. I cut the article out and carries it round in my purse until it fell apart! Not many people know this about me!
Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?
I don’t so much have lazy days, more procrastinating ones. So in that case they are unproductive. I’m bound with the strings of fear and anxiety, hard to move. I look on and think about what I could do, but I am blocked somehow. I think I have artistic block?
Lazyness would be nice, to just sit and relax, to stop churning thoughts. Your breath settles, you snuggle in your duvet. No thoughts of ‘I must do’ this that and the other.
I love thinking, I do it a lot, my mind is rarely quiet, but I have learnt to think the word ‘the’ over and over, it breaks the train of thought so you can’t fixate on something that’s distracting you. Not lazy, but it assists me getting to sleep. X
When you think of the word “successful,” who’s the first person that comes to mind and why?
It’s taken me ages to decide on a person or group of people to represent this.
I could have chosen a single person, a musician, an actor, sportsperson, vet, doctor, or a news caster, and of course the richest people in the world.
But no, I’ve decided scientists would be the best choice. There success has bought us so many inventions and knowledge. Yes there have been bad inventions too, but these are because of political influence to some extent? Yes, there are bad scientists that either create bad things, or alter the results of research to allow bad things to happen. For example Thalidomide was originally being used for elderly arthritic patients, but to sell more of the drug it was sold to pregnant women as a tablet that would stop morning sickness, with the resultant tetaragenic damage to babies (see the Sunday? Times report into it’s effects).
But then these are weighed against chemistry’s inventions such as the creation of analine dye that led to the discovery of quinine? The invention of batteries, using chemistry and physics. The use of x rays following discoveries by Marie Curie. And biological knowledge including genetic treatments, monoclonal antibodies, knowledge of how our behaviour is damaging the environment.
As with all successes they are balanced with failures. Each person will have their own opinions on this.
I don’t care who they are as long as they are friendly.
Respectfully, I think the best neighbours need to be friendly, but not always friends. We all have different ways of doing things. Some people have noisy pets or play loud music, but as long as you can speak to them and work things out you have a chance of living in harmony. I always try and be polite and considerate. I’ve only ever fallen out with neighbours once in 30 years. They were students and we’re playing loud music day and night for a week.
They were disturbing my next door but one neighbour who was due to have a baby. They would not answer the front door. So I stuck my hand through the letterbox with my panic alarm beeping very loudly. Eventually someone came to the door. I asked them if they were at college? Yes. So I said, you understand you are creating a nuisance as you are intelligent? The student told me they never had problems in their halls of residence. I then explained the street was full of normal people. She apologised and the noise stopped! Not my friendliest action but it sorted out the problem!
I was singing with the choir tonight and I noticed a friend had got her hair coloured very subtle purple shades. A bit like this free photo but on much shorter hair.
I have had a box of hair colour in the cupboard for a couple of years, but I keep chickening out on using it. I’m worried I might be allergic to the dye and also I have watched several videos and you can’t just use it like shampoo you have to put it in thin layers to spread it evenly over your hair. I don’t think I can physically do that!
I once asked a hairdresser to do it but she would not use a dye by a different supplier as it was a problem if it went wrong. Shall I just try and shampoo it in or give up and throw it away? I have become very risk averse!
Honesty and kindness means not being cruelly honest, to balance the truth and it’s outcomes. Kindness is probably the most important of the two. Honesty can be used to hurt.
So the two can cause moral dilemmas, but perhaps the best use of them is to combine them with the doctors’ oath “first do no harm”, at least that can help point you in the right direction.
I remember also, the two wrongs don’t make a right, even if in mathematics two negatives can make a positive (I think I remember?). Revenge and hate don’t make the world better even if it can make people feel better. It can only worsen the situation. Given that, I’m not talking about appeasement. What I mean is that more truth and reconciliation commissions should be created. It may take many years before they can try and work, but it seems like a better idea than violence and war cascading down the centuries.
But what can I do? Try and keep to my principals, avoid anger if I can.
When you go through bad times anxiety and nerves can hold you back. These emotions can make you hold your tongue, stop you going out, make you forget to write to, or email, or phone people. You put off till tomorrow and forget to do today… Eventually everything piles up and you don’t do anything, or just the bare minimum.
But I’m learning through counselling to do easy tasks first, then as they get easier and less onerous you can move on to medium difficulty tasks, and finally difficult ones. But if you have a set back, don’t give up. Start again with things you can cope with and gradually move on. Self repair, self acceptance. Be kind to yourself.
Last week I found myself laughing, I hope I can start doing more of the things I have been putting off. Hopefully…. Unless I get too stressed.
When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
Yes, actually 18. I left school and I was in the real world. I had to leave my old life behind. It was a shock. I felt like I was falling off a cliff.
It’s a long time ago, but I remember fighting to get into college. I had to choose between that and staying in the job I had. It was the biggest decision of my life and I’m glad I made it!
When I was older I thought about life and that your feelings and world suddenly changes. You have rights and responsibilities. You still have support but it’s up to you to follow your own path (if you are allowed to). I realise that I am lucky as a woman to have rights a lot of other people in different cultures don’t have, and seeing the way governments can change, or bring in restrictions, I don’t always feel those rights will be maintained.
I was lucky to grow up and become an adult during feminist times. I hope those becoming adult now continue to have those rights.
If you had a million dollars to give away, who would you give it to?
I’ve actually thought this through. I would give some to family and friends, it turns out you can gift someone £3000 without having to pay tax. But I would give more than that and gladly pay it. Then I would think of acquaintances to help. I would try and share a reasonable amount. Having done that I would buy a small house and garden, a bit bigger than mine now, but not huge. Enough to neatly fit paintings and books with a warm studio with plenty of light to paint and draw in. A natural garden with pond. It would not be too far away from family and friends. Obviously the cats come along too.
I would have to ensure I could pay all my bills each year.
Finally I would try and donate to charity… I would have to support local as well as national charities.
Mallaband-Brown 