My writing group put on a show this afternoon. All of us got together to read out spooky stories we had written. They were not specifically done for the show, but after writing for ten months we all had something to contribute.
We got organised and even had tee shirts made up with our logo on. Everyone read out one or two stories in a local pub. They were pleased to have us and asked if we would go back at Christmas!
I was very nervous. My heart was racing and I struggled to just turn the page. But thankfully my stories were very short so I got off the stage area quite quickly. I think blogging here has made it easier. Being in the group has really helped.
We went out this afternoon for a shopping trip because I need new shoes. I managed to drive myself to the shopping village in Trentham. It’s been a month since I have been allowed in the car because of my eye operation. It’s only a couple of miles but it could have been fifty. I felt so anxious, but so pleased to get the skill back. Luckily I was with my sister so felt more confidence.
While I was at the village I saw this lovely passion flower. A good reminder of the day.
Tonight I went to choir, I was tired and had been to the doctors for tests, I was OK but it had wound me up. Singing helps calm my mind, helps me relax, and make me concentrate where usually in the day I’m struggling to.
When I got there I found that there was one soprano and several altos so I decided to have a go at some of the higher parts. I surprised and survived the experience. I’m really glad I tried, I stretched up to some top notes I’ve not managed before. In the end I got a bit of a sore throat but a lot of enjoyment. It also boosted my confidence. I think everyone should try singing.
I treated myself to an acting workshop for my birthday. It was a bit of a random choice, but I’ve found myself stuttering more since I got Parkinsons disease and I thought it might help my concentration and confidence.
Luckily some of my friends were also there which made me feel less anxious. We started out being given various exercises. First we had to look at someone in a large circle of people and then point at them. The person had to say ‘yes’ which gave the person pointing permission to walk over to them. In the meantime that person had to point to someone new, be acknowledged with a yes and then move on.
It wasn’t complicated, but it was hard to get your head round. It’s hard to just explain it. A few people said yes and started moving themselves instead of waiting for the other person to move. We eventually went on to counting, so it was like a moving conversation with numbers instead of words. Confusing for some, and hard not to make mistakes.
At the half way point we were given short pieces of dialogue. We were then split into groups of two and asked to read through the scripts and pick out concrete facts, not opinions. So you could say those facts could ground the performance, whilst opinions in the scripts could change how you felt about your partners character.
The whole workshop showed how important listening and reacting to another actor is. I don’t know if it helped my confidence but I have to say I enjoyed it. It was run by Claybody Theatre, based at the Dipping House, at Spode Works, Stoke, Stoke-on-Trent.
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
I used to be hurt when people said things to me to upset me. I would take on board what they said, and it could lead to several sleepless nights, or mistrusting my judgement or feelings.
After a few years of this I talked to a new friend who explained a way of getting through or over the uncaring words.
What they said was imagine the nasty words are poison. The words are absorbed by the victim (in this case me) and the poison works it’s way into the mind of the person they want to hurt. This affects that person’s confidence, thoughts, security.
But in the meantime the person doing the poisoning walks away scot free. With no effect on them, able to go and place poison elsewhere, spreading their cruelty and getting a rise out of others.
The trick is to realise what they are doing and train yourself to ignore their jibes. Inoculate your mind against their poison and learn to stop their tricks before they can get to you. It really does help.
Yes, OK, I do have reasonable confidence levels after years of lacking it. I think you do become more confident as you get older and more experienced. But (and there is always a sneaky but in there) it can easily be knocked because I sometimes over think things, and then worry and anxiety knock my confidence.
Why? At various times I’ve been bullied in my life, and that makes you question what you are doing. It’s hard to give a robust explanation if the person bullying you is your manager. Then the ability to think things through is an advantage, to realise that you haven’t got it wrong, but it can knock your confidence.
Another thing is the feeling of imposter syndrome. When you get a job and then wonder why you feel confused by how you actually got there? So many responsibilities, and I’m doing it? Having to think up reasons why someone can get permission to do one thing, or be denied another? Get it right and the feeling of elation can give your confidence a boost.
But writing? Looking back at this I’m confident I’ve used too many clichés! Oh to be young with all the massive confidence people have these days? No, I think expecting everything to be wonderful all the time is a mistake. We have to learn from them to grow more confident.
I never thought I would be doing this challenge. I used to be scared of walking. If I walked a couple of hundred yards I would congratulate myself! I’m so glad I joined in and I’ve already got through 25% of it!
I used to be fit. I could cycle for miles, but after an accident where I was injured I eventually got a car. That was my downfall. Its taken over thirty years to realise I can do something about it. Don’t be scared, have a go!
We are trying to encourage the abandoned cat that we look after into the house as the weather gets colder. He isn’t very happy though. He struggles out of my hubbies arms and runs and yowls to be let back out again. We might have to consider opening the cat flap and having him in the bathroom over night if nothing else. We want him in a warmer situation than last winter.
I keep telling hubby that you have to encourage him in gently (the cat, not hubby) and let him settle down, until he gets confident. The two house cats don’t seem to mind him and disregard him, so that’s positive.
Mallaband-Brown 