Do not go gentle

My hubby was born in the year that Welsh poet Dylan Thomas died and he was always admiring of Dylans poetry. Hubby had a wonderfully strong speaking voice, and I know there are cassette tapes somewhere in the house of him reciting Dylans poetry and short stories.

When we first met he played me “the burning baby”, a macabre story by Thomas that sent shivers down my back and raised goosebumps on my arms. It was mesmerising to listen to hubby read it, and he howled at the end with gusto. I think he should have been on the radio as a performer.

I just came in from shopping and suddenly the poem “Do not go gentle” by Dylan Thomas came into my memory. I’ve looked it up and copied it. It was read out by a friend at my hubbies celebration of his life. He had always loved it and I hope he would have been pleased that it was performed.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

If you can, try and listen to a recording of Dylan Thomas reading it. X

Down

People aren’t around, and if they were I don’t want to bother them. Some memories have been arriving on my Facebook page and I remembered what fun I was having ten years ago. People were there then, a group who worked together. Work was OK, life was satisfying.

Now? I feel shattered, broken, I’ve caught myself crying a few times. I’ve got things planned for later on, so I hope I’ll be OK. Life is up and down at the moment. I’m sharing this here because it’s better to get things off your chest. I need to unstick myself and stop thinking about things. But worries assert themselves.

This was triggered by adverts for funeral plans and wills on the TV and seeing seven or eight police cars and an ambulance up the hill last night. What happened? Are people OK? Nothing in the news, but anxiety bites again.

Yes but not telling

Have you ever had surgery? What for?

All stitched up?

Why should I share this information? Can I trust the person who is asking? Or the people who are reading this blog?… Sometimes we share too much information. It’s too easy to trust everyone on the Internet. And yet I wouldn’t tell people in the street my life story, my insurance details, if I’ve ever been in hospital. True I do share some information but as far as I can tell it’s of little use to others. I appreciate that it’s good to talk about your life, but I think you shouldn’t go too far.

Someone will be out there looking at your details putting two and two together, finding out about me. Well I’d rather not be too informative, I don’t think it’s a good idea.

Angels

How important is spirituality in your life?

I think something is looking over me. Maybe an angel? I have thought about spiritual things and I think there might be something there, but I don’t know what? I would characterise myself as agnostic rather than an atheist. The universe is too big and complex to find an answer and I think we are arrogant to assume we know the truth of things. Better to follow the guidelines and try and keep to rules that help you lead a good life.

I guess I’m one of those people that are hedging their bets. Rather than completly dismissing religion I try and keep an open mind. I think we need to love each other and care for others as we would care for ourselves. It’s not hard to do. Anyway it’s what I think….

Truth

What are you passionate about?

I like truth, I always have, I heard a story when I was little, about a boy that chopped down a tree but owned up to it when asked as he couldn’t tell a lie… I think that was a boy who became an American president.

How ironic that a recent president posts on a website called Truth, but that isn’t necessarily being honest (is this where I say allegedly?).

Why am I passionate about it? It actually makes me feel ill not to be honest. I was bought up as a Christian and although I’m now agnostic, I still feel deeply that truth is  important. I feel that people should know the truth about things. The problem with that though is that different people have different truths! I was recently listening to 1984 by George Orwell and it did strike a chord about how the masses can be controlled. Life is difficult and truth is important to me.

Myself

Who do you spend the most time with?

It’s 6 months since he went (almost exactly). 6 months alone. Finding my way. The rest of my life? I was always with someone. Being a support and supporting. Now.. I see to myself and try and help others where I can.

When I do spend time with others it’s with good friends or members of groups that do activities I enjoy. But sometimes, I just want to be alone.

I guess I could live as a recluse, or alone on a desert island? I might not be good at finding food though. I would need someone to drop me off supplies or have a mild environment where plentiful food grew all year round. But how would I know what was safe to eat or drink? I’d need sterilising tablets or fire to boil water. Life isn’t simple when you are alone. Even in the simplest of environments. And when you live in an industrial society you are too estranged from real life and real survival skills.

My life is in a brick and mortar cave. I can survive here, but I still need to maintain it, look after it. Life is constantly changing. I appreciate company.

Eloise

If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?

Change my name, change my face…

Change my world.

Why Eloise? I just like the sound. I’m not even sure if I’ve spelt it correctly? If you add a U it becomes Elouise, which just sounds like you’ve misspelled Louise?

I also think it could be written e-loise… An electronic version of the name. Better than  e-louse (an AI version of a woodlouse?).

I was going to be Samantha, but I really don’t feel like I’m one of those. I think its too cuddly and feels like a princess name?

Eloise does sound rather proud and exotic? We all have our own ideas of how words work. Your favourite word might be something I hate. We mentally add connotations onto a word or a phrase. And I no no one called Eloise, I just like the sound… Am I strange?

Something else

What are you good at?

Margaret Rutherford played Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple

I often write here about Art and other activities I’m good at, but one of my favourite things is solving TV crime mysteries. I’m relatively good at it, I often know who the guilty party is well before the end. I have to stop myself saying who it is though, as its an irritating thing to do if I’m watching with someone else.

I would imagine that the makers of films and TV shows want people to guess so they include clues, but unless it’s a programme like Columbo where they show you the guilty party straight away it can be more of a challenge.

It’s a bit of a niche skill though, reality is not the same as a story. Life isn’t a tale we tell ourselves. I don’t think I would ever want to be a real detective, it would be too messy and upsetting. I just enjoy the fantasy of being good at guessing the criminal !