New paintings and regular art updates.
How do you express your gratitude?
With a note or in words
To receive and to give
Make good your gratitude,
Or say it with flowers?
For work of many hours
Giving back your pleasure
Of deeds well done
Or welcome support
In adversity.
For service rendered
Time spent in caring,
Thanks are required and accepted.
People aren’t around, and if they were I don’t want to bother them. Some memories have been arriving on my Facebook page and I remembered what fun I was having ten years ago. People were there then, a group who worked together. Work was OK, life was satisfying.
Now? I feel shattered, broken, I’ve caught myself crying a few times. I’ve got things planned for later on, so I hope I’ll be OK. Life is up and down at the moment. I’m sharing this here because it’s better to get things off your chest. I need to unstick myself and stop thinking about things. But worries assert themselves.
This was triggered by adverts for funeral plans and wills on the TV and seeing seven or eight police cars and an ambulance up the hill last night. What happened? Are people OK? Nothing in the news, but anxiety bites again.
Have you ever had surgery? What for?
Why should I share this information? Can I trust the person who is asking? Or the people who are reading this blog?… Sometimes we share too much information. It’s too easy to trust everyone on the Internet. And yet I wouldn’t tell people in the street my life story, my insurance details, if I’ve ever been in hospital. True I do share some information but as far as I can tell it’s of little use to others. I appreciate that it’s good to talk about your life, but I think you shouldn’t go too far.
Someone will be out there looking at your details putting two and two together, finding out about me. Well I’d rather not be too informative, I don’t think it’s a good idea.
How important is spirituality in your life?
I think something is looking over me. Maybe an angel? I have thought about spiritual things and I think there might be something there, but I don’t know what? I would characterise myself as agnostic rather than an atheist. The universe is too big and complex to find an answer and I think we are arrogant to assume we know the truth of things. Better to follow the guidelines and try and keep to rules that help you lead a good life.
I guess I’m one of those people that are hedging their bets. Rather than completly dismissing religion I try and keep an open mind. I think we need to love each other and care for others as we would care for ourselves. It’s not hard to do. Anyway it’s what I think….
What are you passionate about?
I like truth, I always have, I heard a story when I was little, about a boy that chopped down a tree but owned up to it when asked as he couldn’t tell a lie… I think that was a boy who became an American president.
How ironic that a recent president posts on a website called Truth, but that isn’t necessarily being honest (is this where I say allegedly?).
Why am I passionate about it? It actually makes me feel ill not to be honest. I was bought up as a Christian and although I’m now agnostic, I still feel deeply that truth is important. I feel that people should know the truth about things. The problem with that though is that different people have different truths! I was recently listening to 1984 by George Orwell and it did strike a chord about how the masses can be controlled. Life is difficult and truth is important to me.
Who do you spend the most time with?
It’s 6 months since he went (almost exactly). 6 months alone. Finding my way. The rest of my life? I was always with someone. Being a support and supporting. Now.. I see to myself and try and help others where I can.
When I do spend time with others it’s with good friends or members of groups that do activities I enjoy. But sometimes, I just want to be alone.
I guess I could live as a recluse, or alone on a desert island? I might not be good at finding food though. I would need someone to drop me off supplies or have a mild environment where plentiful food grew all year round. But how would I know what was safe to eat or drink? I’d need sterilising tablets or fire to boil water. Life isn’t simple when you are alone. Even in the simplest of environments. And when you live in an industrial society you are too estranged from real life and real survival skills.
My life is in a brick and mortar cave. I can survive here, but I still need to maintain it, look after it. Life is constantly changing. I appreciate company.
If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?
Change my name, change my face…
Change my world.
Why Eloise? I just like the sound. I’m not even sure if I’ve spelt it correctly? If you add a U it becomes Elouise, which just sounds like you’ve misspelled Louise?
I also think it could be written e-loise… An electronic version of the name. Better than e-louse (an AI version of a woodlouse?).
I was going to be Samantha, but I really don’t feel like I’m one of those. I think its too cuddly and feels like a princess name?
Eloise does sound rather proud and exotic? We all have our own ideas of how words work. Your favourite word might be something I hate. We mentally add connotations onto a word or a phrase. And I no no one called Eloise, I just like the sound… Am I strange?
What are you good at?
I often write here about Art and other activities I’m good at, but one of my favourite things is solving TV crime mysteries. I’m relatively good at it, I often know who the guilty party is well before the end. I have to stop myself saying who it is though, as its an irritating thing to do if I’m watching with someone else.
I would imagine that the makers of films and TV shows want people to guess so they include clues, but unless it’s a programme like Columbo where they show you the guilty party straight away it can be more of a challenge.
It’s a bit of a niche skill though, reality is not the same as a story. Life isn’t a tale we tell ourselves. I don’t think I would ever want to be a real detective, it would be too messy and upsetting. I just enjoy the fantasy of being good at guessing the criminal !
What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?
Having it all? Enough to live, enough to share, enough to give…..
Freedom to learn, freedom to understand, freedom to care for others as well as yourself. Friendship….
Time to think, time to follow a dream, time to allow life to happen.
Having it all does not mean being selfish, or prejudiced. Misogenistic or Misanthropic, and I think it also means keeping idealism alive.
People who have it all should support the world and nature as much as they can with the means they have. Fairness above all is important, and a wish to care.
I was just walking to the post box when I noticed someone in a dark hoodie and trousers walking behind me. I’d decided to post a letter and I’d left my bag at home as I’d decided not to take any money. But I did have my phone in one pocket and was carrying an umbrella in the other hand.
As I walked I noticed he was keeping up with me because I walk slowly so I expected him to walk past. But no he was close to my left shoulder, I put my hand in my pocket because the phone was protruding slightly. I stopped to look in a shop window across the road so I turned to look at him. He dawdled past me but I noticed he turned and looked back. I started to walk slowly again and watched him. Every few yards he looked back. So I kept stopping and looking in windows. Finally I got to the post box. He was about fifty yards ahead of me and once again looking back. I waited until he ambled off again. Then I turned around and headed home. As I got to side streets I walked up them and then back down. I only noticed him looking back again once.
I felt anxious about this and it made me quite nervous. The man’s appearance and his activity was strange. Was I right to avoid him?
Mallaband-Brown