#faceapp

Posted on July 18, 2019 Posted in UncategorizedTagged #notfaceapp, Faceapp, Facebook, Fun, Humour, Information, Internet, Life, Photo2 Comments

You might have seen or heard about the #faceapp doing the rounds on Facebook.

When I saw it I took the trouble of looking for the link because sometimes you can just input a photo to one of these ‘games’ and it will do whatever it does to change your image.

The results I’d seen looked quite sophisticated digitally and the results looked realistic making people look quite old. But why would I want to look at me as old… I’m already getting there thanks, add thirty or forty years to my face and it might not exist anymore! I didn’t want to post a skull staring back at me.

The app is one that you download and I thought, I don’t want to give away my image and information so I didn’t bother.

However I then found #notfaceapp on Facebook. A few people were posting their own images that they had done themselves. A sort of DIY faceapp. And some were just as they are, no alteration, and others had added props….

So here is my addition. As I said in the post this is with no flattering smoothing filter…

Want to see it?

Books

Posted on July 16, 2019 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Analogue, Books, Fun, Humour, Poem, Poetry, Rhyme, WordsLeave a comment

Oh books, you tomes of wisdom,

your cracked pages full of age,

paperback and hardback,

album and autobiography.

You change my mind, change my thoughts,

help me to learn, help me to see.

Books hold knowledge, and deceit.

Not all knowledge is truth,

Sometimes it’s misinformed,

or misinformation.

But I’d rather have a book than a computer……

Books are analogue.

Purr

Posted on July 15, 2019 Posted in Cat, UncategorizedTagged Cat Food, Cats, Computer, Fun, Humour, Life, Love, Poem, Poetry, PurrLeave a comment

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Purr, I like you

Purr let me sharpen my claws…

On your leg..

Purr, gimme food!

Purr, gimme water!

Purr, clean my litter tray,

Purr, let me sit here

It’s my computer now…

Purr, that’s a book?

Let me read it.

Purr that’s your food

Gimme some now!

Purr, I’m tired

Let me sleep on you.

Not your lap,

Your face!

Purr I love you

Purr yes I do….

Cherries

Posted on July 14, 2019 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Beak, Birds, Cherries, Eating, Fruit, Fun, Garden, Gardening, Humour, Life, Pecking, Poem, Poetry, Red, RhymeLeave a comment

Loads of ripe cherries

High in the tree

Out of reach of human hands

But not from beaks you see.

Blackbirds, pigeons and magpies

Each have their fill

Of sweet red cherries

They have the skill,

Of flying high above me

Pecking at the fruit

Eating all the ripe ones

In their aerial persuit.

Sweet red cherries

Small and round and neat.

I go without

And the birds get a treat!

That word

Posted on July 14, 2019 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Brexit, Creative writing, Democracy, Fun, Humour, Ice cream, Life, What if?2 Comments

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Brexit. Such a difficult thing.

I’m trying to work out how to explain Brexit and why I think it’s bad. So I tried to come up with an analogy and chose ice cream… Yum.

Imagine your country had a vote to take back control. The plan is to give free ice cream to everyone. There will be no rules except for ones we set ourselves…

Free ice cream everyone, yipee…

But the farmers are worried as they will get no revenue as the government want the ice cream but don’t want to pay the farmers. People won’t be able to get milk because it is all going on ice cream. Then we realise that if we keep our promise (it was democratic after all) children and adults will start getting obese. People will start getting type two diabetes. People will have an increased risk of cancer…

But it was democratic. The people decided, ice cream for all. Now we could do that, but because of tariffs on flavouring the only flavour available for poor people is synthetic vanilla, made in a non EU country, and to get that we must sell off our farms to that country. So we have all these problems, plus we won’t get subsidies that helped our farmers, especially in the parts of the country that suffer poverty and blamed the EU for it. The ice cream is made, but its not free, the EU won’t help (why would they?) and the ice cream industry goes into recession. Why would you vote for that? A non political party of the ice cream is started, and take seats in Europe, but their plans are very right wing, like insisting on only white ice cream, no chocolate. Things get worse… But 52% voted for it so it must be OK…? Right ?

Scales

Posted on July 12, 2019July 12, 2019 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Creative writing, Draco, Dragon, Dragon care, Dragons in Flight, Fantasy, Fun, Humour, Mythical animals, RulesLeave a comment

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Dragon care:

Make sure your dragons scales are kept in tip top condition. Use ‘Dddragon polish’ (tm). Uses gold dust and magyc oil to give them that gleam.

Ice cubes on the underside of the elbows will reduce inflammation (also known as flight elbow).

A spoonful of honey in a gallon of alder oil is good for your dragons throat after a hard day’s flaming.

Remember to wear woollen underwear, it may be hot and itchy but it prevents burns during dragon jousting.

When attempting barrel rolls or loop the loops ensure you have your stirrups in ‘high hitch’ position.

Dragon racing is for professionals. No parachutes are allowed but wing suits are acceptable.

Finally, dragons are not allowed to drink alcohol. The tragic consequences are well documented historically.

I broke the oven?

Posted on July 10, 2019 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Baking, Blogging, Bread, Cooking, Double oven, Fun, Humour, Learning, Life, Mistake, Reflections, Timer2 Comments

When I got in from choir last night my hubby was standing in the kitchen looking perplexed. He had some bread dough in a tin because he’d decided to make a loaf. He had attempted to light the oven but it would not light. It’s a double oven with a small oven/grill at the top and a main oven. He was convinced we would have to contact the shop we got it from or get hold of a repair service. I said let me have a look…

What I saw was an egg timer symbol and another one of a casserole dish. I tried pressing the ignition. Nothing happened. I looked again at the clock display. It was several hours out? Something was clearly wrong. I asked him if he had pushed any buttons? Yes to set the timer. I looked again and realised there must be a delayed start on the main oven as it showed a casserole dish shape with a little clock face on it. I dialled that down to zero, and the egg timer down to zero. Then I tried the ignition again… It lit! I checked why the top oven was blowing out hot air… He had the grill on with the door closed and he had thought the heat had been from the main oven, so he didn’t understand why the bread hadn’t started to cook. Finally he put the dough back in the oven. The resulting loaf (which is nice and tasty) is in the photo…

THUD! Patter, patter, patter……

Posted on July 10, 2019July 10, 2019 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Birds, Environment, Fun, Garden, Humour, Kitchen extension, Life, Magpie, Pigeon, Poem, PoetryLeave a comment

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On my kitchen roof

Bouncing around,

Pesky magpies and pigeons.

I like them,

Don’t get me wrong,

But just as I’m about to

Pour a coffee

THUD patter patter,

Or get the bread out of the oven…

THUD patter patter

Delicately lining up some icing

THUD! Patter…. Patter!

Do you have to?

You make me jump…

THUD!

Words

Posted on July 8, 2019 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Blogging, Books, Fun, Humour, Learning, Life, Playing, School, WordsLeave a comment

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Do you find yourself thinking of a word that just pops into your mind? I thought of a few today. Gestalt, Normality and Defunct all jumped into my head today.

Another day it could be crumble, grunge or fanciful, which is probably what this is.

I think I need sleep when I can dream of words chasing each other through the sky and over hills. Trundling into the sunset where they burst into brilliant petals.

Words are fun, they need using or abusing, but they definitely can make life interesting, exuberant and startling!

That look

Posted on July 5, 2019 Posted in Cat, UncategorizedTagged Cat, Eyes, Humour, Micro poem, Photo, Poem, PoetryLeave a comment

That look says

Spider,

I see you,

There is no escape,

I will watch you

And when you are not looking,

I will pounce.

But now

I will just stare

My two big eyes

Against your eight.

Mallaband-Brown

Tag: Humour