Stuck

Not My house.

Six months after he died and I’m still stuck. It’s hard to move things, clear them away. I feel like I’m walking through treacle. I’ve got too much stuff, mine and his. I’m still holding tight to things.

Can I donate to charity? Or sell things? Or bin things? But I’m still attached. I can’t do anything but look at things, I rarely move any of it. My mind is fused into a lump of static thoughts, unable to move on.

Maybe I’m overdramaticising the situation? I don’t know, but I think it might take years to get sorted out. I’ve done a lot of the legal stuff and paperwork, but forty years of belongings, especially when you have been with someone for so long, are hard to organise.

Esther’s phobia prompt

OK on the ground…

Esther Chilton has a weekly prompt on her blog giving an idea to post a comment to. This week’s was PHOBIA.

Here’s my response:

My phobia is flying. I just won’t. Most of my family fly occasionally but I just can’t face it. For years my hubby wanted me to go to a local airport to see jets taking off and landing, but just seeing planes coming over a major road towards the airport was scary. The urge to duck was immense. Big metal tubes with wings, no I just can’t.
I like spiders and snakes. I’ll visit aquaria and watch sharks. I’ve been on boats and trains, I can cope in a car, mainly if I’m driving. But the thought of nothing underneath me except air… Even if there were no windows, so I couldn’t see out and know I was in the air, and if there was no turbulence. I just am too afraid!

Queen Elizabeth the First

Who is your favorite historical figure?

I wish I could share a picture of Queen Elizabeth 1st, but as I’ve previously explained my Internet is down.

I learnt about the Eliabethans at school, and became obsessed with their clothing. I loved trying to draw and paint the ruffs they wore round their necks and the splits the rich Eliabethans had in their clothes to show the underlying cloth.

I was interested in the history of the Queen too, not just her clothes. Her court of figures such as Sir Walter Raleigh and Sir Frances Drake. She was monarch when King Philip of Spain tried to Invade England with the Spanish Armada but was beaten by Drake if I remember correctly.

She never married and was one of the longest reigning monarchs of Britain. She was known as the Virgin Queen. Shakespeare may have written plays for her. But I don’t know the actual facts.

Wales and Scotland

What countries do you want to visit?

Not tropical,

I would like to visit Wales again one day. Particularly around Tenby. It’s a beautiful and interesting place. There is a lot of history and beautiful scenery, plus what’s better than an amazing dragon on your flag?

Scotland is my other choice, mountainous and mysterious, with a possible monster in Loch Ness! I have never been, I went to Carlisle once which is on the border. It’s always felt too far away.

I won’t fly, so unless I travel by boat or train I’m never going to go much further. I think my carbon footprint is quite small and I’d like to keep it that way! Plus I don’t really do heat, and when I hear of places already getting up to 40°C or more this year it worries me. I don’t think I could cope with it. I’ve always felt I can watch TV I’d I want to see a place. I can’t afford the reality. And there’s still plenty of England to explore too!

An old mug

What’s the oldest thing you own that you still use daily?

I still use an old mug that I’ve had for over twenty years. There’s a small crack in the top of the handle that flexes slightly when I pick it up if it’s full. One day I think it will either get broken in the washing up bowl or when I pick it up. Hopefully the first option as I don’t want a lap full of decaff!

I do use it virtually everyday but I can’t find it now so I’ve used a stock photo that looks like it. It’s like goldilocks, just the right size for a drink, not too much, not too little. The handle fits my hand just right.

I don’t know the manufacturer, but it’s likely to be local as I live in an area called “the potteries”. You can tell people are from here. They lift up pottery and look underneath for the manufacturer’s mark (backstamp). It’s so well known that its called the “turn over club”!

Standing on a beach

Describe one of your favorite moments.

It doesn’t have to be a tropical beach. Just a warm, sunny day. Sandals off, toes sinking slowly into damp sand. Little ripples in the sand mirroring the way the sea has moved over it’s surface. A flat beach, not steeply tipped, but shallow enough that the sea goes out a reasonable distance. Not too much seaweed on the beach, but enough to indicate the sea is healthy. Interesting seashells to collect, starfish and barnacles on the rocks or in rock pools.

I stand there, breathing in the ozone of the clear air. Thinking of all the other times I’ve visited. Memories of childhood eating ice-cream and paddling in the shallow sea. Looking back at the houses behind the coast road. Stalls to buy candyfloss or sticks of rock, and fish and chips that seagulls clamour for. Remembering the view of the hills in the distance. Thinking of having to catch a train home and wanting to stay forever, come rain or shine. Bright days, sunshine, coastal views, holidays, Heaven.

Statue

I’m not sure who this is meant to be, it’s a photo I took three years ago at Trentham Gardens in Stoke-on-Trent. The woman is carrying a snake.

I looked up various ‘women holding a snake’ entries on the Internet. Some had two snakes, some were about Asian goddesses. But this is a single snake, classically represented. I don’t know if it’s Greek or Roman but I think I remember the statue being linked with medicine so I plumped for a roman version from Wikipedia.

Angitia

The Romans derived her name from anguis, “serpent,” hence the form Anguitia. As snakes were often associated with the healing arts in antiquity (see, for instance, rod of Asclepius), Angitia is believed to have been mainly a goddess of thaumaturgy.

Truth

What are you passionate about?

I like truth, I always have, I heard a story when I was little, about a boy that chopped down a tree but owned up to it when asked as he couldn’t tell a lie… I think that was a boy who became an American president.

How ironic that a recent president posts on a website called Truth, but that isn’t necessarily being honest (is this where I say allegedly?).

Why am I passionate about it? It actually makes me feel ill not to be honest. I was bought up as a Christian and although I’m now agnostic, I still feel deeply that truth is  important. I feel that people should know the truth about things. The problem with that though is that different people have different truths! I was recently listening to 1984 by George Orwell and it did strike a chord about how the masses can be controlled. Life is difficult and truth is important to me.