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Weather is grey, cold and drizzly. I had three things to do today, but looking out the window?
So I’ve cancelled two things, I don’t want to slip or slide in this slowly freezing, icy rain. But I still need to go out, I have a deadline to collect something and I can’t miss that. But the gloom is gathering, I’m putting off what I need to do. Darn it.
Grey throughout the day.
Cold and dreary
Cat sits by the oil heater,
The others up
On the bed.
My curtains closed
I hold the grey at bay.
My “daylight” is a bulb
No warmth, just brighter
Than the gloom outside
Grey, removing colour
Sad sort of day.
Sitting in the dark like Miss Haversham from Great Expectations, or the boy Colin from the story “the secret garden”.
It’s not as bad as it looks, I’m only inside because it’s been a grey wet day. Gloomy and full of cloud. At least the plants are getting watered.
Yes I left the curtains closed, but it wasn’t worth opening them. There was a lorry outside the factory over the road. It was pumping clay slurry. It was pumping all day, very noisy diesel engine. Working all day. They do it once a month. I couldn’t be bothered to look at it so I left them closed. Hoping for brightness tomorrow.
I close my eyes and wish
For sleep to kiss my cheek
Caress my tired neck
And let me rest my mind.
Instead I lie awake
Uncomfortable and sad
If I could ignore the world
Lose my thoughts
I would be glad.
Night ticks into day
Light blooms in my eyes
I want real sleep to stay
To end my tired gloom.
My mind is a bit muddled at the moment. I am dealing with lots of ‘stuff’ and I feel overwhelming worry that I won’t get back on track. My life physically has been bothering me and I’m waiting for an appointment to try and find answers. I’m dealing with things for myself, my family and friends, and because I can put a good case for things I don’t mind helping. But when you persue various options and each one closes down it gets more and more frustrating. I wish I could herd cats, work out the best thing for us. I had to ask for help recently, and that was difficult. I’m a proud person and I don’t like to think I can’t cope. But you know those straws that broke the camels back? I think they are building up. Maybe I need to hibernate and look after myself, but turning away from others is not in my nature.
Mallaband-Brown