New paintings and regular art updates.
When I got up this morning there was a letter on the mat. I opened it and it was a sympathy card from the vets who had treated my poorly cat a couple of weeks ago, and eventually had to put him to sleep.
It was so kind, they said they could see we had a close bond and that I cared very much for my cat. I am so sad but proud that they felt this and had taken the time to write to me. I will treasure his pawprint forever.
Don’t be afraid
Knock on my door
I’m here inside
Just waiting to say
Be my friend still
A hug or a hand
Would serve me well
Don’t go away
Leaving a card
But nothing to say?
I need you to stay
Keep me company
I need you today.
What positive events have taken place in your life over the past year?
Those who read this blog will know that for more than a year I’ve been facing problems. Not as severe as in other parts of the world, but personal ones.
I was lucky to get some counselling and then earlier this year cognitive behavioural therapy. I would encourage anyone who is struggling to go for either of them. I can’t explain, but I feel more in control of the situation than I think I would have done without them. Talking therapy does work.
Now I’m going through more problems, and looking back, well I can see some clues of how I can cope. It won’t be easy.
Sympathy cards appear through the door. I am thankful for them too. I wish people would knock on the door though, so I can say thank you. I think people are afraid of hurting me. I would say when you are in grief every hug counts.
I’m not going to choir practice yet. I just don’t feel up to it. Singing is such an emotional thing. I just know if I go I will want to cry. I can’t face that yet. When I go back I want to be calm and a lot less stressed. Everything is so painful in my mind and in my body. I maybe should not share these feelings, but sometimes it’s better to say something. I don’t have the energy to worry about anyone else at the moment, and that makes me feel guilty.
To anyone else going through loss, I’d like to send my deepest sympathies, I can’t feel the same way as they do, but I do care.
I have that sort of portentous ache that feels like I’m coming down with something, perhaps a bug? I’m not sneezing yet but my throat is sore again. Perhaps I’ve been overdoing things, just feeling tired and aching.
Trouble with the Internet is that you can seek sympathy instead of just getting on with things. It is good to moan but it’s also probably annoying to hear people going on about how they feel Is it appropriate to complain?
Well I guess in one way it’s informative. I won’t be doing much today because I’m not well. But whose business is that? I’m talking to strangers, to people who don’t know me. One may be sympathetic another thinks get over yourself.
My health pales into insignificance compared to people hurt or killed by cyclones or murderers. Life feels personal to me. But I am one individual. Life is more than that.
X
Mallaband-Brown