New paintings and regular art updates.
I see the sea and wish
I could be there to see it.
Sending postcards to
Wish you were there
Friends and family
When will I go back?
It’s not far away in distance
But it is in time
I don’t know if I can go now.
I lost my confidence
Don’t feel safe
Travelling the distance….
The tide is out for me.
Drawings from a few years ago at the Dorothy Clive garden that came up on my Facebook memories today. Happier days, when things were not so difficult. Sometimes time should be allowed to go backwards. Even if it’s like the film back to the future. A few hours to tweak the space time continuum. Then I could still be happy. But nil desperandum I need to get on with life. No regrets? I don’t think so.
If only? What if? I’m feeling so guilty. Why didn’t I spot there was a problem earlier? All those months of things that were not quite right, we should have gone to the doctors. I should have insisted. Have I neglected you? When I argued with you to go it was only towards the end? Should I blame myself, I can’t blame you.
Was it bad communication? Fear? Not wanting to see what might be wrong? I don’t know, I just feel bad. I need a little rant to try and clear my head. I can’t stop time, or make it go back, I wish I could, what twists or turns would I reverse to have you back? No pact with a deity can change things now. Forever.
The world is mixed up today. Something happened and I think it’s too personal and painful to recount here, so I’m not mentioning names, but I am writing to sort my thoughts out a little.
I have so many regrets, things I didn’t do, words I didn’t speak. Silence I didn’t break. Not because I was being mean, but because I lost track of time, I forgot to remember to keep in touch. And now I can’t speak, I can’t phone. Your voice has gone. Lost. Not forgotten, but hard to remember.
Years go by, we were not close, but we understood each other. Now there is nothing. I have consolation, hubby, family and friends, but I’m so sad. Goodbye. That’s all I can think.
Mallaband-Brown